ultradad

Welcome!

Congrats on 3 days and hope you find what works best for you! AA saved my life and I would suggest going back and getting a new sponsor. Pulling for you!

HeadLump

I agree.

Welcome to SR, krazyleggs It's good to have you with us

Confuzd

I agree with Scott. I have called my sponsor and other AA friends a few times when I felt I was about to drink, and they talked to me and tried to help me through it. Although I could have picked up the drink after I got off the phone with them, I chose not to, because of their help. If you cannot be honest with your sponsor about your urge to drink, who can you be honest with. I thought that was one of the main reasons for getting a sponsor and getting phone numbers from others in AA. I have heard people say they enjoy getting phone calls from sponsees or others in AA because it is an opportunity to be of service, which helps ensure their own sobriety. Honestly, I would suggest you look around for a new sponsor. Or at least bring up this issue in a conversation with him/her.

mburnsc

You have to remember this is an alcoholic talking here. God knows whenever I would tell someone a story of someone who wronged me I'd leave out parts or twist it so that the other person was an asshoke and I had no part in it. I'm sure the sponsor tried to help and he kept pushing until he god fed up and just said **** it go drink if you're not done yet. Lol

FeenixxRising

Agree, and I acknowledge my part.

Krazy, we sometimes get off track here with these discussions regarding recovery methods. Please don't let that sidetrack your ultimate decision. There's always a way to sobriety, so don't give up.

desypete

i only wish when people share at meetings they would tell us exactly how they work the 12th step, who did they help today ? who did they think of today ?
it amazes me there sober at all as the answer most give is i am to busy with my own life to help or get involved but i have god with me so i am ok

can you point to me where is says that people must share about the 12 steps and not a drunk a log ?
drunk a logs are what kept me coming back without anyone giving out a drunk a log i wouldnt of got identification

this is the only weapon or tool alcholics have to help new comers is to tell of our storys and to give out id to the new comer

of course you can sit in a meeting and talk about god all day long and hope the new comer can identify and get enough out of the meeting to come back again.
personaly we let new comers talk if they want to as we dont have the right to shut them up or anyone else in aa
if they want to talk about farting all day long or piles they can

krazyleggs

nburnsc, I think you hit the nail on the head, I was dragging my feet on the steps, he was not a bad guy at all. Others in my group said he might not be acting like a friend, but he loves you. the tough love just didn't work for me. I do not blame him, the drill Sargent approach just didn't work for me. And I drank for 11 months, my fault not his.

krazyleggs

what is a drunk a log

FeenixxRising

Kind of like a Travelogue, but instead of the stories being about the places a person has traveled the stories are about a drinkers' drunken escapades.

Taking5

Think of a monolog, like Jay Leno used to start his show. A drunkalog is the story that an AAer tells that includes a bunch of war stories about his/her drinking days. The usefulness of a drunkalog is debatable, but most people are against this, unless it is limited in scope on and on topic (whatever the topic may be in the meeting).

A limited drunkalog is sometimes necessary to make a newcomer relate to the others in the room, but the reason I am not a huge fan of drunkalogs is I don't want a newcomer to hear my sad story, think to themselves "I'm not THAT bad, maybe I don't need AA", and then go out and torture themselves on another drunk. This is especially true when I see a newcomer in their 20s or 30s (I'm 52).

The LAST thing I want is to convince one of them that they don't have too serious of a problem, they go out and get drunk, only to drag themselves back to AA after 10-15-20 years (assuming they survive that long). I would spare my fellow alcoholic the misery.

gardendiva

Your experience in AA was not conducive to your recovery. I'm sorry. Please find a group that is a good fit for you and a sponsor who is more kind and supportive. OR find a different program. Whatever works for you.

I see no value in a sponsor who, when called upon for support and guidance, tells you to drink.

krazyleggs

War stories were rarely the topic of the meeting or my shares. They were mostly about personal experiences related to the topic. I was regularly asked to share even at my first meeting. It was helpful. It was uncomfortable when called on to say, "my sponsor said to to be quiet" very much so when the meeting was small ( 5 people).
There seems to be a dichotomy in AA philosophy that is confusing to a newcomer.

ScottFromWI

I would argue that there is a Dichitomy or a Variance in the PEOPLE who attend AA meetings. The AA steps and program are very clear. The same could also be said for just about any formal recovery method.

Don't confuse the shortcomings of people with the overall goals of a program, no matter which program you choose.

gardendiva

Why bother to sponsor then?

desypete

i first contacted aa when i was 18 i wanted aa to come to court with me to get me off a prison sentence
i didnt take any notice of aa as my only problem was drinking to much and getting into trouble

i carried on this way until i was 23 and came into aa and there war stories were all about YETS for me
but i could identify with them, with there controling natures and all manner of things i wouldnt of got from them unless they had been honest about themselves
i hadn't been in a dry out clinic, but i had weed the bed, i hadnt lost my wife or kids
but i did control them
there was all sorts of id i got from them and some i dont id with

however i made one mistake this time around as i learned how to copy what people said in aa
the ones who seemed to give out good shares and knew what they were talking about
until i would see how they worked outside of aa rooms and all there controling behaviours would be there for me to see
however i learned to be an aa parrot and forgot about the war stories as they were not important to me anymore as i had moved on

i forgot how easy it is to forget were i came from

i stayed sober for 15 years and drink again and this time i did a good job and lost everythnig just like there war storys told me would happen to me if i carried on drinking
i would end up like you a 52 year old drunk with a past of wreakage behind me
i dont want anyone else to follow my path so i can share about my experienses in aa from different age groups as i was so young myself once in aa

now i am 51 and i lost it all i came to aa with nothing left but a place to sleep and i dont want that to happen to anyone else

all because i forgot about my own war story and how bad it was in drink

i dont make that mistake again i stick close to aa and i share my story so i can help others get id

the problem is i forget to easy the pain and i go to aa and see new comers that show me the pain and i dont want it back again
there is only 2 more yets for me one is to end up in hospital for the rest of my life with a wet brain and the other is to die from liver problems
i dont what them as there YETS for me but i dont want the agains either

desypete

sorry this post is in answer to the pete post that was quoted
about sponsors who say to people dont waste my time

if bill w or anyone else took that attitude aa would never of taken off like it did

have a read up on what it takes to work the 12th step would be my advise to anyone who think they can be a sponsor.
if your not willing to put in the work needed to help others then dont waste the new comers time

miamifella

I was always told that people in AA can help you find a higher power or through the steps, but that the first step is clear that we cannot help anyone to "not drink." The BB even says that no earthly power could relieve our alcoholism. That is why sponsors and others will get off the phone as quickly as possible if someone says they are tempted to drink.

While many people on SR disagree, there are plenty of people out there who stick to this stricter version of AA. Personally, I strongly oppose this, but this is on strain of the program and there are those who will strongly advocate for it.

PurpleKnight

Hey krazyleggs!! Great job on 3 Days, keep it going!!

gardendiva

Krazy, it does not sound as if you were asking your sponsor to cure your alcoholism, just to help with a temporary craving. When seeking a new sponsor, ask how they will respond to requests for help with temporary cravings.

krazyleggs

thanks everyone for your help. I made it to day four!