Ruby2

No this isn't normal but I think you got a bunch of consensus on that. What he did was wrong on a multitude of levels. Bullying and threatening a newcomer. Bullying and threatening a newcomer of the opposite sex. What he did was wrong.

If you have a sponsor, tell your sponsor what happened. If you don't have a sponsor tell someone you respect in your home group what happened. If they are anything like my first sponsor was they probably know the jerk and will give him an earful. If I could send you my first sponsor I would. I'd love to see her in action.

desypete

well at least we know your not a sick person or do we ?

DisplacedGRITS

So true!

If i may add something here, yeah the guy was being pushy but i think he had your best interests at heart. Do you to to meetings other than your homegroup? Is it possible that you're getting comfortable in your sobriety and avoiding doing something that scares you because you're avoiding discomfort? Is this not why many of us dodged sobriety for so long, because we were comfortable (accustomed to) drinking and afraid of the unknown of sobriety?

I think that if you are asked to do something in AA, you'd better have a good reason to say no. Is fear a good reason? Is discomfort a good reason? What is the worst thing that can happen if you share at a new meeting?

The Fifth Tradition - Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

It is possible that your story could have an effect on someone who is suffering. A new person who is struggling with early sobriety or an oldtimer who is feeling lost. You don't know who your share may help. At the very least, it will push you a little farther outside your comfort zone and expand your horizons. Remember what was freely given to you. If no one shared because we were all afraid and letting our egos get between ourselves and other alcoholics, where would we be?

Remember, in most communities local groups as their members and members of other groups to share. We often hear one person's story in several meetings. If you've been sober for longer than a year, most likely you've shared your story at several meetings. You, on the other hand, are fresh and new. Your story is known by very few people. Your share is a shot of new life and a new story of one of us finding sobriety.

One of the most important things AA is teaching me is to be willing. Be willing to have an open mind and heart, be willing to trust in my higher power, be willing to set my ego aside, be willing to do what it takes to stay sober and be willing to be of service where i am needed. Perhaps if you can be open to being willing to serve, you will find that your Higher Power was speaking to you through a somewhat pushy and over enthusiastic AA guy desperately trying to line up people to share through the month.

matt4x4

So STOP WORK, STOP ALL PLANS, DROP EVERYTHING ON THE SCHEDULE, and go speak at some group some stranger wants you to share at because precisely you got 5 months in. Interesting. Very Interesting. Never ran across that myself, but I have declined many a speaking engagements because, wait, wait for it.............................................I HAD TO WORK!!!!!

Heck I remember going to a meeting I never been to before, was the last guy to share, spoke on the rare topic of steps 1, 2 and 3 when there were 5 newcomers in the room. Had like 3 or so congratigutory "great talk" from regular attendees, like this is something never before heard of. I guess it is, for the most part. What a shame. It does however feel good to speak at a speaker meeting, I even get nervous sometimes, but I got the information embedded in my brain, can spout it off in my sleep.

DisplacedGRITS

Hey, Matt, not sure if your comment about work was in reply to my post. I totally understand work being a high priority. I've recently started a new job and it's become a very important part of my life. Still, when offered the job, i was very clear that Tuesday and Thursday nights were Lisa Time. I'm willing to pull the off Tuesday or Thursday PM shift in a pinch but i absolutely refuse to let my work derail my sobriety. My sobriety has become the central focus of my life. I've had to give up things i thought were important for my sobriety. I sometimes wish that i could just skip a meeting if i'm tired from a long day. I groom dogs and it's very physically draining.

Work is important. We need our income, of course! But i've found that i can work at many jobs depending on what works with my life. I have one program for sobriety that's worked for me. If i don't work my program, i might as well kiss my job goodbye because i'm on Relapse Road. I have choices about where to work. I don't have a choice about sobriety. For me, it's AA or the highway.

Kevin78

There should be no pressure on you to do something you either don't want to do or are not ready to do. It would prevent me from going back if that happened.

You don't even have to share at meetings.

Croissant

Happy 5 months Jen. Congrats...great achievement!

LBrain

Yes, congrats on 5 months. That's great and keep moving forward.

As for sharing- speaking at a speaker meeting - I agree the person should have some time. It is not out of the ordinary for someone with less than a year to speak. Not common but not out of the question. I have seen people tapped on short notice because the chair forgot to schedule someone or they couldn't make it. A newcomer stepped up and spoke - with about 5 months or so. Newcomer may not understand the whole purpose of the speaker. The breakdown of what got you here - short story - what you did to get better - short story - and how you life had changed - bring it home. Experience, strength and hope. The idea of a speaker is to show newcomers - and reinforce the message to all - of how the program worked for you and how your life has improved and how grateful you are because of it.

So, newcomers do not have all of that figured out quite yet. But hearing someone who struggled just a few months ago who has maintained sobriety for a period of time can also be useful for both old and new. It keeps it fresh for some and encourages others.

But no-one should be forced to speak if they're uncomfortable. This person bullied a newcomer - that is plain wrong. A better approach could have been used to encourage someone new to speak. But guilt is not the way.

Mcribb

I thought the book said "They like us were sick too" meaning we were all sick, thats why we were in AA

Taking5

Stick you your guns, this is not normal.

Hell I don't even think a smoke break is normal. I've never been to a meeting with a smoke break and I've been to hundreds of meetings.

Nuudawn

I see your point DG....BUT what you said about right there is encouraging someone for the right reasons..is asking someone to give...emphasis on "asking"...

Not demanding they do so cuz the good book say so. Big difference.

desypete

i have never been to a meeting that is normal in my life : ) its full of the worlds most abnormal people i have ever met. but i keep coming back to them as i fit in well with the abnormal ones, i dont tend to fit in with the normal perfect ones in the meetings some how

FlyerFan

It is not normal for someone to bully you into a commitment. You should sign up willingly and only when you feel you are ready. Now my sponsor has told me before that I should say yes when i am asked to do things, but usually I talk them over with her first and I end up wanting to do the thing so its okay. But if I really don't feel comfortable doing it, I dont have to, and she understands that.

I would call him up and tell him you can't do it and let that be the end of it.

SoberCAH

One of the best parts of being sober is the ability to say "no".

I make my own decisions now and I don't care whom I disappoint (particularly in matters like this).

You have gotten good advice on this thread and I hope you take it.

Please hang around and let us know how things work out.

I had a lot of anxiety when I first got sober and most of it gradually left over the course of a little time.

thenewjenn

I will be declining to speak there, and I am chairing my first meeting on Thursday (which is also my birthday)

I do want to speak and be more involved but I'll be sticking with my home group for now.

FreeOwl

AA should respect your comfort and not pressure you into anything. Service is a part of recovery in the AA tradition, pushing people into service or making them feel uncomfortable for not doing something is not.

Mentium

It is always worth remembering that pretty much everything in AA is 'suggested'. Nothing is compulsory.