Varys

I've been trying to either reduce or completely stop drinking/drugs for some time now. I noticed that I made a thread on this forum this time last year about being stuck in a cycle, and things have only become worse since then.

The main thing that's become worse since then is that almost every time I drink now, my behavior eventually becomes unforgivably bad towards everyone around me. It's worse sometimes than others, but either way I become extremely rude/obnoxious/inconsiderate etc. This has been going on for so long that I've already lost several people that I had considered good friends, and I'm sure that I'm already viewed as either a tragic case or a laughing stock by a great deal more people.

This behavior doesn't reflect me a person at all, so although I keep apologising for it, I almost feel like I shouldn't have to if it's to people that know what I'm really like. Most people are sick of hearing it anyway.

Is it normal that these "good friends" have pretty much just deserted me during my darkest hours? Can I blame them? I feel like it should be obvious that I'm in trouble here, and not acting as myself. Surely a good friend would help me rather than pretend they didn't even know me?

Anyway, the main question was about why I'm behaving like this? Does it have anything to do with battling alcoholism?

least

Alcoholism always gets worse. Our behavior gets worse too. I never behaved that way only because I drank alone. I'm sure I would have been obnoxious had I been with anybody else.

I'd look at it as a sign that your life is going out of control. And the good friends you've pushed away may just be tired of being concerned and just be irritated by your behavior. Maybe they're afraid to express concern for fear of a bad reaction from you.

Either way, I hope you can quit drinking for good. That would stop the bad behavior for sure.

Nonsensical

Whether you want to call it true alcoholism or something else is up to you. From your post it seems that drinking/drugging have become a problem for you. What do you think you'll do about that problem?

Lots of people here have given up drinking and drugging entirely and are very happy for it. Have you considered doing this?

Soberpotamus

It probably has a lot to do with your drinking, yes. It does sound like a problem for you. I alienated others later in the game too. I isolated. You've described what happened to me to some degree. Being "stuck" is not a good feeling. Alcohol did that for me. Unsticking by quitting drinking helped me. I hope you decide to do the same. SR helps

PurpleKnight

If drinking is causing problems in your life then it's time to cut alcohol out of your life if you can't control what happens when you drink, I used to drink a few pints go home and that was fine, never hurt anyone, but as the years went on I drank more and more and my behaviour got worse and worse, so it was time to make a few changes as I couldn't go and have my few pints anymore, I had to drink until drunk, the first drink became my problem, so that effectively meant Sobriety was the answer.

Also I found people have their own problems and their own lives, they don't want to be around people that cause a scene or have rowdy behaviour when out for a quiet night for a few drinks. Alcohol can isolate and leave a person on their own very quickly due to their actions following alcohol.

The whys, the ins and outs of things though is not very important, you need to sort out your drinking as it sounds like it is causing some real problems in your life, the theories of alcohol could be talked about for years, but getting down to making the changes should be the priority!!

doggonecarl

Battling alcoholism is called "recovery" Your behavior is called "drinking"

If you want it to stop, quit.

Hawkeye13

I also got worse and worse over time--I was angry and mean very frequently towards the end of my drinking and when I realized I was losing everyone around me because of it I choose to quit for good.

Life has been much better since and I'm able to be the nice, friendly, and kind person with other people that I truly am again.

You should consider stopping entirely as moderation does not work for alcoholics, at least it hasn't in my experience nor for anyone I know.

Life is much better out of the bottle

happyandfree

Part of the reason I quit was because I realized I was isolating. I was getting more and more irritated with people and I got intolerant and grouchy. This was mainly due to being hung over. I didn't like how I felt about myself. Since I quit, I am more relaxed and tolerant. ...live and let live. In general, I am happier.

jdooner

I was unable to diagnose while drinking. I didn't think I had a problem when I quit last year - certainly not to the extent I know now. As I look back with now a clear head it is amazing how bad I was. I found the addiction mindset permeated every fiber of my being. In other words it affected everything, not just the process of drinking or using too much. This became apparent in the first months when I removed my coping mechanisms.

Michelangelo

The behaviour of almost all alcoholics gets worse and worse in time. I think the answer to your question is yes. Non alcoholics dont lose friends because of their drinking, I think.

Nuudawn

Essentially, if a behaviour is causing persistent negative consequences, we should discontinue that behaviour. If we are unable to stop that behaviour, we're talking addiction.

You are detailing some pretty negative consequences here, you inability to simply give up alcohol completely (thoughts on reducing etc)....um....is also, indicative of addiction.

If eating rhubarb made you stink so bad people didn't want to be around you, would you reduce your intake of rhubarb, or would you just give up rhubarb?

jdooner

Why not give it up for 90 days. If you struggle then you have an answer. If you relapse before the 90 it might help with answer. If you sail through then you have another answer. The one thing that does not sound like a wise idea is doi the same thing and asking the same questions. Try changing it up.

waynetheking

Like least said, alcoholism only gets worse. Right now you're losing friends. Eventually it can take your life. If you don't stop drinking it will rob you of everything. Thats the reality varys. And the deception of this disease is that we think somehow it will be different for us. Death and total ruin won't happen to me?...wrong. it always gets worse. Just quit now. Were here for ya.

DoubleBarrel

You asked if your friends backing away are them abandoning you in a time of need.

It's called having standards. No sane person should or would put up with obnoxious alcoholic abusive behaviour.

Instead of worrying about their response, I think you would be well suited to addressing what they are responding to, which is you, acting like an ass towards people that you presumably care about.

As for isolating. I know I did it. For three days a week, minimum, I sat alone on a vast expanse of land and drank myself into a stupor. No one to tell me anything, no one to see my drinking, no one to fight with, and no annoying interruptions. I hated myself, and I was a lousy companion.

matt4x4

When you crave alcohol, after the first drink. You can not stop drinking after just one or two.

Notmyrealname

Might be self-loathing or insecurity about your drinking creeping out while you're drunk, but no matter the explanation, if you're turning into an a-hole to all your friends when you're drunk it's probably a good idea to stop being a drunk. Most adults don't find drunkenness an admirable quality, you are probably better friend material without the booze.

FBL

For the last several years I began isolating and drinking more and more. By the end, my body and mind were a real mess. The only thing that saved me was to stop totally. Getting and staying sober is the best thing I've ever done for me, my family and my friends.

Waterfalls2014

Hi Varys, I too have felt like this. It was a feeling of being thrown away and discarded by my closest friends. The thought that the ones I love didn't want to be around me was almost unbearable. But the reality is plain and simple. I was bad company. Non alcoholics don't want to deal with drunken outbursts, no matter who it's from. The good thing is you can work towards getting your friends back and your self respect back. Actions speak louder then words. Giving up alcohol can only help you. Best wishes!