JimdiGriz

well im back
cant even get a day at the moment
have a series of taxing events happening at the moment, many professional obligations and deadlines all falling simultaneously- involving a lot of driving, a very ill, elderly and possibly dying parent (last one left!), endless essays on my course studies,a house falling down around me, child,
yada yada

anyway, sharing may help. Ive noticed a direct correlation between getting to AA and not drinking although Im too reserved to pick up a sponsor yet

day 1

Dee74

Hey JimdiGriz

Sorry you have all that on your plate...is the drinking really helping with all the problems tho?

D

JimdiGriz

of course not!!!

But I feel like Ive made a bargain with alcohol just to get me through the past 2 months. Isnt that perverse ?

Its been a month of 14 hour days laced with work, panic, stress and extreme anxiety and horribly conflicting priorities: (parent taken into hospital whilst Im working away from home, no siblings etc).

On some level I equate alcohol with freedom: I can tackle things if I have the freedom to drink.if Im not drinking I need the freedom to do whatever I like (watch films, cycle, swim,east chocolate, read) but Ive got so many obligations at the moment I cant see where I can find the better freedom

Anyway Dee, im trying. Im back in the gang. Thanks for your support

Dee74

I hope this doesn't sound condescending, cos it's not meant to be, but I think it's hard to know what true freedom is until you put the bottle down and break those chains.

I know it seems like right now you're only getting through because of alcohol, but I think you're selling yourself short.

None of us really knows what we can do sober until we do it, y'know?

I'm glad you're back too

D

Mentium

It is a paradox that increasingly puzzles me the longer I stay sober (not all that long yet..) as to why we continue to think alcohol has something to offer us in terms of 'coping'. My experience of late has been that whenever I drink I pretty quickly feel absolutely dreadful. OK, that initial 'lift' can still be some sort of relief, but after that? Misery, anxiety, problems piling up one after another - the usual catalogue most of us are familiar with.

One of my tools for remaining sober these days is too make sure I remind myself that the cunning poison that is alcohol is not my buddy and helper but my deadly enemy who means me nothing but harm.

It can't be repeated too often. If we have a drinking problem continued drinking only makes it worse. There are no exceptions! Stopping drinking might feel tough but it pays off pretty quickly!

Gilmer

I get mentally incompetent after even one drink! My reading and writing ability goes right into the tank (I have tried to drink and study in the past).

IOAA2

Hi. After a lot of time in AA I still go to 3-5 meetings a week because people like me have a built in forgetter of how to stay clear headed and comfortable in our own skin. I reminded of easy does it and in a week or so I start sliding back into the turmoil called life. It’s easy to create stressful situations but I need reminders that I’m really not that important in the overall scheme of things.
I learned that all I can do is all I can do and I need many reminders on that one.

BE WELL

Nonsensical

Alcohol is an inanimate object. You're making that bargain with the addicted part of your brain that craves alcohol. Problem is, that part of the brain can't bargain. You think you have a deal, but the addiction doesn't. It doesn't deal, it compels. It knows how to get what it wants from you - in this case by tricking you into believing you have made a bargain. (That's why it seems perverse. It doesn't make any sense, but you believe it anyway.) You will eventually discover that it's all a lie.

Try to make a different deal - I stop drinking and you (voice in my head) leave me alone about it. See how that bargain goes for a while.

Good Luck!

melki

I can definitely relate to this. I am still early in my sobriety (Day 9), but one of the things I had to change is thinking about alcohol as a freedom or a treat. Since childhood, I was looking for freedoms - first coffee, then cigarettes, then alcohol. They gave me control to defy the world and do things I wasn't supposed to do. That association will be hard to break.

Nuudawn has put it very well recently: there's a vast difference between "I don't want to drink" and "I want sobriety". If we think of quitting drinking as a deprivation, we're likely to relapse. Instead, let's think of it as a new freedom, a new high, a new level of control. It's amazing what we can do with sobriety. It will not be a quick fix that the alcohol provided, but the rewards are so worth it. You will be able to tackle all your stresses and anxieties without alcohol, you just have to give yourself that chance. In your list of freedoms to do whatever you like you already have things you can do right now - instead of wasting the night on alcohol, eat that chocolate, read that book, watch a good film, go for a workout. You know you can, you know you are right with your title "excuses, excuses". Give yourself the chance to change your life for the better.

You're here for a reason. Think about yourself, your child, and your ill parent. Think about why you don't want to drink anymore. Then think about a plan to go about it. If it's exhausting to think about a comprehensive plan for the rest of your life, think about how you can go about it one day at a time, or give yourself a goal. You know what will work for you, and you can do it.

biminiblue

I found that without drinking I no longer have anxiety like I did and I'm able to see the solutions to situations in my life.

Alcohol strips that away and gives me nothing but misery. I hope you stop making your life miserable. You have no idea how much better it is after stopping for a few weeks.

PurpleKnight

For me I had to surrender that alcohol was one thing I couldn't control, I know what you mean by freedom and alcohol, I wanted to be free to do what I wanted, alcohol wasn't going to control me, I'm stronger than that, it's not going to get the better of me.

But increasingly I came to realise that alcohol is not something that I can master, but that took a lot of suppressing my ego as this mere liquid had gotten the better of me, an intelligent human being.

Free to do what we want without any restrictions is not freedom, it can be folly, it's much wiser to realise our limitations, alcohol being one of them.

You can do this!!