I'm a new comer here and want to make a comment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 22
I'm a new comer here and want to make a comment
I just read a post that some guy(?) Posted on the "why do people relapse?" Forum. I wanted to send him a message but can't send private messages until I post 5 comments so here's comment one and maybe, just maybe, he'll see it. Lol He seems to believe that people relapse because of lack of support and that is one reason for failure in sobriety BUT I have been going to CA meetings every night, working the steps, reading my AA book and praying every morning to my higher power, Jesus, and the other night after I left a meeting I got home and had the urge to use and I thought to myself, I should make a phone call, but the thought of NOT using started giving me anxiety. I already had enough anxiety because I had so much to do in order to have a 4th of July bbq so I decided to give in to my desire. Boy was that a HUGE mistake! I got less done, more anxiety and am running on very little sleep and now my 4th of July won't be near as enjoyable because I'm exhausted, feeling discouraged and am wondering if I'm ever going to be able to quit for good. I can't even tell my sponsor that I screwed up again because this is the 3rd time I'vewithin 2 months and I caught hell the last two times. I've learned a lot about addictions and I know it takes time to retrain the brain into sober thinking. Until then, my addict brain overrides my common sense and it sucks. I am hoping I will find a solution and I think this website will help me a lot. The meetings I go to are all the same people with a lot of clean time so I don't get to hear how others are suffering in their attempt to live a sober life. I think it was my higher power that led me to stumble across this app. Thank you Jesus!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 22
Thanks Paul, I think I'll be spending quite a bit of time on here because I think it will help me more than the meetings are. The first time I relapsed after joining CA, my sponsor said to me, "well I guess your not ready then. I'll pray for you, call me when your ready" I was like....What???? I asked her if she was unwilling to be my sponsor because I did want to go back to dinner living badly. She said she would but she didn't understand why I gave in to my desire. She said she never used again after she made a commitment to stop which leads me to wonder how does she know that she was truly addicted. What defines an addiction is knowing you shouldn't do something but you don't have the ability to quit doing it just because you know it's wrong and it has messed up your life.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Support is one piece of the puzzle as is surrender, willingness, spirituality, friendship, education, and change.
Was your 4th party going to be alcohol free? Thinking about dealing with alcohol would have been enough to get me to drink in early sobriety
Was your 4th party going to be alcohol free? Thinking about dealing with alcohol would have been enough to get me to drink in early sobriety
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
That may of been myself, I simply highlighted a reason that could be added to the list as to why people relapse, it wasn't intended as the one and only reason, but as a suggestion to add to all the other many reasons for people to consider.
Addiction is not as black and white as one solution solves all problems, as already mentioned the puzzle has many pieces!!
Great to have you onboard here on SR!!
That may of been myself, I simply highlighted a reason that could be added to the list as to why people relapse, it wasn't intended as the one and only reason, but as a suggestion to add to all the other many reasons for people to consider.
Addiction is not as black and white as one solution solves all problems, as already mentioned the puzzle has many pieces!!
Great to have you onboard here on SR!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by babygirl64 
I can't even tell my sponsor that I screwed up again because this is the 3rd time I've within 2 months and I caught hell the last two times.
This bothers me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Huntington Woods, Michigan
Posts: 465
Originally Posted by babygirl64
I just read a post that some guy(?) Posted on the "why do people relapse?" Forum. I wanted to send him a message but can't send private messages until I post 5 comments so here's comment one and maybe, just maybe, he'll see it. Lol He seems to believe that people relapse because of lack of support and that is one reason for failure in sobriety BUT I have been going to CA meetings every night, working the steps, reading my AA book and praying every morning to my higher power, Jesus, and the other night after I left a meeting I got home and had the urge to use and I thought to myself, I should make a phone call, but the thought of NOT using started giving me anxiety. I already had enough anxiety because I had so much to do in order to have a 4th of July bbq so I decided to give in to my desire. Boy was that a HUGE mistake! I got less done, more anxiety and am running on very little sleep and now my 4th of July won't be near as enjoyable because I'm exhausted, feeling discouraged and am wondering if I'm ever going to be able to quit for good. I can't even tell my sponsor that I screwed up again because this is the 3rd time I'vewithin 2 months and I caught hell the last two times. I've learned a lot about addictions and I know it takes time to retrain the brain into sober thinking. Until then, my addict brain overrides my common sense and it sucks. I am hoping I will find a solution and I think this website will help me a lot. The meetings I go to are all the same people with a lot of clean time so I don't get to hear how others are suffering in their attempt to live a sober life. I think it was my higher power that led me to stumble across this app. Thank you Jesus!
Your sponsor's reaction is shocking to me. The whole point of coming to aa for me was because my strongest desire to not drink, combined with my recognition of my need to not drink, plus all of my will power to not drink were not enough to stay stopped. If I could have just stopped, I never would have sought help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome Babygirl...you mentioned you thought about calling someone before you used, but you didn't. I would definitely do some soul searching as to why you didn't just pick up the phone instead of your drug of choice. I know before I started going to AA once I made my mind up nothing was going to stop me from drinking. But, now I have tools that AA and God have provided me...the deal is I have to use them. My sponsor can't MAKE me call and it's up to me to be honest with myself and others and NOT put myself in situations that will cause me to be stressed, anxious or I know will trigger the old thoughts.
If you don't feel comfortable being honest with your sponsor then you need a new sponsor. AA, CA, NA are all based upon integrity...you really need to be honest with yourself and others in order to recover. I know for me complacency is one of, if not the most dangerous thing to watch out for. I have a friend that was 5 moths sober and on his way to a meeting decided to stop and have a beer...relapsed and took him over a year of complete HELL to get back to AA. He said it had all become like a habit and that he wasn't really 'working' the steps and just giving lip service. He became complacent and the disease was in the background just waiting for a moment...
You have to fight to save your life! I would suggest you find a new group, new sponsor...whatever it takes! Pulling for you! YOU can do this!!!
If you don't feel comfortable being honest with your sponsor then you need a new sponsor. AA, CA, NA are all based upon integrity...you really need to be honest with yourself and others in order to recover. I know for me complacency is one of, if not the most dangerous thing to watch out for. I have a friend that was 5 moths sober and on his way to a meeting decided to stop and have a beer...relapsed and took him over a year of complete HELL to get back to AA. He said it had all become like a habit and that he wasn't really 'working' the steps and just giving lip service. He became complacent and the disease was in the background just waiting for a moment...
You have to fight to save your life! I would suggest you find a new group, new sponsor...whatever it takes! Pulling for you! YOU can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
I had very similar experience. For me it was that I got anxiety at the idea of my DOC being out of my life forever. And like you, I got in trouble with my sponsor for admitting I was feeling this way.
For me what helped was reaching out to friends who were not in the program. I could talk to them about anything and reach out when I was thinking of using. Since I did not have to worry about leading them away from their first step, I could be more open and talk even when in the midst of craving.
Also finding a good therapist helped me a lot.
From SR, I learned that a lot of people in 12-step recovery are open to offering all kinds of help. If there are such people around you, that is great. But if there is not, you still need help from other people. Sometimes a higher power alone is not enough.
For me what helped was reaching out to friends who were not in the program. I could talk to them about anything and reach out when I was thinking of using. Since I did not have to worry about leading them away from their first step, I could be more open and talk even when in the midst of craving.
Also finding a good therapist helped me a lot.
From SR, I learned that a lot of people in 12-step recovery are open to offering all kinds of help. If there are such people around you, that is great. But if there is not, you still need help from other people. Sometimes a higher power alone is not enough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
This is unfortunate. I am not begrudging your sponsor as she is simply human but when dealing with addiction, shame and judgement is a terrible motivator. In my work as a weight loss coach (ah yes the irony) and in dealing with my own therapeutic counsellor, the work is of no use if we cannot tell the truth.When we relapse, we need to understand what went wrong...what we didn't do for ourselves, what was the hole in our plan...how did we hit and fall into that hole on the road of recovery. We cannot be afraid of admitting our errors... This bothers me.
Hang in there!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Don't be too discouraged Babygirl64. Multiple 'relapses' are common and probably the majority of people trying to quit go through them. I know I have. I seem to be well on track these days but I am hyper aware of how easy a slip could be. Keep at it and if needs be change your sponsor!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to the forum! If your sponsor is giving you hell, as you say, might be time to think about getting another sponsor. People can and do relapse surrounded by supportive others. We relapse or drink because we are addicts. It's common. It's more common to relapse than to get it on the first try. SR has been invaluable to me since I joined. It always helps to come here and read multiple perspectives and experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome babygirl64
I think support's crucial actually - but we have to use it, otherwise the best support network in the world is useless.
I know you'll find support here
D
I think support's crucial actually - but we have to use it, otherwise the best support network in the world is useless.
I know you'll find support here
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
