My Curse
 

Ever since I can remember I have been cursed with the unenviable capacity for Binge Drinking.
I binged before I went in the Army, I binged while in the Army and it destroyed my career and I have binged up to this point in time. That is a lot of bingeing,31 years to be precise and I don't know how I have avoided death or the law because I have been close so many times.
It has impacted on my family terribly. Firstly my brother and my parents and then my own children and partner. The final straw was exactly a week ago today that broke the camel's back. After having been on a 10 hour binge and rolling in drunk as well as rolling around the floor and ending up sleeping on the floor downstairs, my partner told me she could not take anymore. Stop, drinking or I leave you is what she told me. At first you think what's your problem. Then you realise that you are the problem. Well I did anyway.
You see, with me, the other problem I have is that I am fully aware of the fact that I should avoid alcohol like the plague. Me and alcohol do not mix. It has always been that way. Period. But I kept on going back to it.
However I am determined to stop. For one I don't want my family destroyed and two, because I know that when I begin to binge they become worse until they culminate in tragedy, violence or worse and it scares me now that I have reached 50 I do not have youth on my side any more to cushion the alcoholic blows to my body or my mind. and fundamentally I just don't want nothing bad to happen. I have suffered blackouts, terrifying blackouts. The one that scared me the most was when I was drinking in the pub and the next minute I woke up in bed.
My partner can't take anymore and neither can I. It is showdown time and I am determined to be the best I can be and kick alcohol into touch once and for all.

Non Sum Qualis Eram........ Horace

:welcome

I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good. :)

You will find support, understanding and fellowship here. It sounds like you want to stop and you have a wonderful family who will support you. Live longer for your children, you can do it!

Welcome, you can change your life if you are motivated to do so.

Do you have a plan?

Good for you! We're here to help. A two pronged approach is working for me. My medical doctor is getting me through the physical part and this forum is supported my mental efforts. Find what works for you. I would suggest talking to your doctor.

Welcome gagsman, and thanks for sharing your story. Believe it or not your story is a very familiar one, and you've found a community of those who understand here at sr. You can quit for good if you truly want to. SR can help with info about various programs and a 24/7 comminity of those with the same goal.

Welcome to SR.

None of us are who we used to be. Change is possible, but it requires commitment and work. Lots of good information on these forums to point out the paths to sober living. Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

Hi Gagsman, welcome. I can absolutely relate to your situation. I'm 44, been drinking for 30 years. I'm 2 days sober now. There comes a point where the alcohol has just ran it's toll, mentally and psychically. It's no longer fun and those around us don't understand why we keep drinking. But we keep it up, risking our relationships, risking our jobs, risking it all for that one thing - alcohol. The thought of removing the alcohol from out lives can become so scary and overwhelming after an entire lifetime of knowing nothing but it. It's a struggle but one that's worth it. At this point you have nothing to lose and a entire life to gain. Remember those fun days out with friends before you picked up drinking? That can be your life again. You can do this!! Best wishes!

your story is just like my own except i did lose my family and i did go to prison and i did lose my driving license

why ?
because i carried on drinking,
i would be a binge drinker just like you, and the more i lost in life the more i found myself drinking until i ended up drinking everyday with no one at all around me as they had all had enough of me, and who can blame them as i hurt the ones who loved me the most

this is the path that leads to death in the end as its the only way out

until i finaly went along to aa and met people like me not all are like me as they got out of the madness before things got so bad

so there is hope that people dont have to end up down in the gutter or lose everything but they have to want it and be finished with the old way

what i did was write down a long list of all drink had cost me and sit back and wonder why on earth i didnt stop sooner ?

i couldnt stop not on my own i needed help so i went and got it but not before i lost it all

good news is since getting my help i have a new life today were i dont drink
i have my kids back in my life, and although my life isnt wonderful it sure beats waking up trying to remember what i did last night

good luck to you my friend

Welcome to the Forum Gagsman!! :wave:

You'll find loads of support here on SR, plenty of people who understand where you're coming from, great to have you onboard!! :)

I can relate. Continuous binge drinking is a "cursed" lifestyle and no way to live. It ruined many parts of my life. You'll find a lot of support here, you can do this man!

We are all here for you Gagsman... this is a great place to find love, hope and support.

Welcome!