Not Feeling Very Confident...
 

The truth is, alcohol has played such a major role in my life for so long, quitting seems nearly impossible. I was raised in a heavy drinking home. My parents both recently died of cancer, and as I've been under-employed for four years, my drinking has increased tremendously. A good day - a "day off" - is three or four drinks, and usually only occurs because I have hit the wall from drinking 8-15 drinks several days in a row. Furthermore, I have recently moved back to a small resort town where nearly every one I know drinks regularly, and where I am known to be a fun, entertaining regular drinker. In 3 weeks, my brother and I are hosting a "wake" for our deceased father, at the bar he frequented with all of his drinking buddies. On Saturday, I am having fellow drinking buddies over for a BBQ.

Despite these events, I know I NEED to quit drinking. I am a Type 1 Diabetic with all kinds of health problems, and I am on psychiatric drugs for anxiety and obsessive thinking (which I am not supposed to drink alcohol on). Additionally, I am a school teacher and just got a contract for next year and don't want to blow it with public intoxication or some other foolish behaviour. Word travels extremely quickly around here. Also, I have a three year old son who is already starting to witness what I witnessed constantly during my childhood: Drunkenness, and far too often. I don't want this for him.

I have tried to cut down. I was going to allow myself a maximum of 14 drinks this week. I did very well on Monday, having zero drinks. And then (oops) drank at least 15 on Tuesday - Canada Day - from which I am still suffering. I have tentatively planned on attending my first AA meeting tomorrow. However, regarding these future events (Dad's wake, bbq's, run ins, playing in my band, camping, etc etc), I have a heck of a time imagining doing any of them without at least a few drinks. Drinking has gone hand in hand with most of the activities I have been doing for most of my life. I have a pool table and dart board. How do I have a pool night without drinking? Playing live music...? I have always relied on a drink or 7 to take the edge off of being on stage. Social anxiety has plagued me my whole life. As you can see, I need to quit, but am having an extremely difficult time feeling even a little confident about quitting. Three days is my record over the last five years or so. I'm on day 2 of trying to be sober, but really feeling pretty hopeless for the long term.

Anyway, thanks if you've read this far. Any suggestions, encouragement, or related stories you share will be greatly appreciated.

Lou

Make an appointment with your doctor. Tell him you want to quit. Lay it all out. He can help you and make sure you go through withdrawal safely. Do it now so you're well out of the first stages before your job starts.

As far as your social life, a lot may have to change. If you can't cope with your friends drinking around you while you abstain for your son, well, which one is more important to you? If your friends can't cope with you abstaining for your son, what kind of friends are they?

You can't possibly teach school in the condition you're in. You'll go in one morning after going in several mornings reeking of last nights alcohol and they'll escort you out.

See your doctor. Keep coming here. Give AA a looksee. Commit to yourself that you WILL quit.

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us that you know you should stop drinking. I'm not sure you're ready to stop drinking because if so, it would involve the hard questions. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, but I know you could make different arrangements for the wake, cancel the BBQ, etc. You will need to find different activities that don't revolve around alcohol.

Welcome to the Forum Lou!! :wave:

For me tapering and setting goals to minimise my drinking never really worked, I needed to abstain completely from day 1, the reason is that 1st drink, it's my problem, if I have that 1st drink I then can't stop until I'm drunk, so that was the key to my Sobriety, if I deal with and don't have that 1st drink then that ensures I have a Sober day!!

You can do this, you'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you onboard!! :)

Welcome! I hope you spend some time reading this forum because you'll find a lot of wisdom here. You'll see the different techniques and styles of recovery people use. There's more than one way to do this. But I think the most important this is that you do have a desire to live sober, no matter the initial discomfort and urges you'll go through. I think that the desire to be sober must be stronger than the desire to give into the urges.

hey it's my 10013 day one tomorrow so am with you ...................drink water try and relax and be kind to yourself it's you and me together again but we will do it ..................


love mike

I had my first real drink when I was about 13. I didn't stop until I was 46. Almost everything I did in my entire life involved drinking. True, I didn't drink in the mornings (well not on work days) and had a fairly successful life with no adverse impact. I could have been simply labeled myself a heavy drinker and got on with it, but I could feel my depressive state and the quantity I consumed getting more foreboding. Like us all, I couldn't imagine what my life would be like after I quit and that was one of the scariest things I had to face when I made the decision to stop.

When you stop, at your core you will still be the same person you are now, just without the detrimental physical and mental effects of consuming large quantities of a poisonous depressant (wow that's harsh - but blatantly true). Help is there. Go to an AA meeting and see if that works for you. I found it good to be around others who will share their experience, strength, and hope. If you open yourself and are ready to listen you will find yourself in their words. This will be the best help you can get as you start to discover a new life without alcohol.

Good luck in your journey.

Ok first, stop thinking about a life without alcohol. You will feel hopeless with that thinking. I can't think that way. Whoa! Never having a drink! Nope can't deal with that ****. But I can deal with one small day of not drinking. I am confident I won't drink today. Today, this day. I'll take care of tomorrow when it comes. Who knows? Tomorrow may never come. So don't drink this day. That's all you have to do. I'm thinking about you.

there will always be "reasons" to drink. I put it in quotes because "reasons" can be translated from the alcoholic to mean "excuses"

I recommend that you excuse yourself from these events that revolve around alcohol and drinking. I can already imagine you protesting...but here's the deal. If you are quitting you need to make that your priority and do whatever it takes to support that decision. No wakes, no BBQs, etc. Take down the dart board, cancel pool night.

Extreme? Darn right. Getting off the booze is extreme.

Good luck.

I tried that, too. Didn't work. I tried only Saturdays. Only Fridays and Saturdays. Only one week day. Only 3 times a month. Never at home. Only at home. Only 6; 8; 9 per day. After lose 20 pounds; 15 pounds; 10 pounds. Only beer. Only vodka. Only wine. Only if my wife is drinking, too. At least 15 New Year's resolutions. None of it worked. The only way I can control my drinking is to have zero. None. Nada.

It was really really really hard. But now my life is really really really great.

You can have a sober life. Put your mind to it. Be confident. You can do this. :a122:

The suggestion, along with the others above, is to get honest with yourself about your drinking and accept the fact that you can no longer drink in safety.
If that can’t help you stop perhaps seeing and being honest with your doctor about it will lead you down a path of success. There is always the option of DeTox and rehab?
Time to man up?

BE WELL

I couldn't stop drinking until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. :)

What I see is that you've planned multiple reasons to drink. When I initially quit I planned multiple ways to stay sober. Most of my early days were just getting through via simple distractions.

I think you are thinking too far ahead.

I was the same. I couldn't imagine fridays without alcohol, most evenings after 8.30pm when my daughter was in bed. The year me and all my friends celebrated 40th birthdays. Holidays and the first beer of the day. Christmas day, new years eve.

I was thinking far too much into the future.

I think when I finally cracked, and I am 2 years drink free, the key to my success was promising myself when I woke up in the morning, that that day I would not drink.
I told myself that if I wanted to drink that badly, then i could have a drink the next day if I still wanted, but for that one day I was not drinking.

Hand on heart, I never had a drink the next day. I didn't want/need/crave one.
Nothing was ever so bad that I needed to drink.

If someone asked me 'does that mean you won't be drinking at my wedding, my 40th, my party, my leaving, when we go on holiday etc etc', I just said I will wait and see. I will decide nearer the time.
I didn't feel I needed to give anymore details.
I didn't get anymore pressure, friends seemed fine by that and it reaffirmed to me that this was not something I was being forced to do, I was choosing to do it.

In the early days, I had to work at not drinking.

At weddings I decided I would take lots of nice natural photo's and concentrate on that rather than drinking.

At restaurants I went for the food not the drink.
I met friends at coffee shops instead.

If I was having a BBQ like you, I would spend my time doing the food really well, maybe some different foods that would surprise everyone. I might also make some non alcoholic cocktails and spend time researching how to make them.

Now it comes naturally.
It would feel strange to drink every night.
I don't worry about going to parties etc anymore. Its not an issue. For me or my friends.

I was also surprised to a certain degree when I did do parties, weddings etc sober.
I realised how LITTLE other people drank. I must have stuck out like a sore thumb for being the drunkest there.
Some people had 2 drinks with dinner, then switched to soft drinks.
Some people didn't even finish their drink. That I was truly amazed at! How could people do that? I could never do that! What a waste!

You have come to the right place to find help and get advice.
I wish you the best
xx

I think that's true for most of us poorlouis :)
I defined myself through alcohol and drinking.

The fear of giving that up kept me drinking for a long time, even tho the consequences got worse and worse and worse...

Noone here would be here if they felt they lost out on the sobriety deal.

Just take it a day at a time at the start...give it a try...It's a little rough in the beginning, but I think you'll like it :)

D

Wow, people. Thanks for all of the encouragement and advice. The one day at a time thing is certainly something I feel can work with. I am not going to drink today. In fact, my friend who is coming over for dinner tomorrow asked me what we wanted to drink and I told her my wife liked beer but I was not drinking these days. She said she'll bring me non-alcoholic diabetic-friendly drinks. :) Tomorrow will be tough, but as Sasha4 said above, I'M usually the one pounding the drinks back while some of the other people around me sip a couple and then stop. After a night of partying, it seems that everyone was hellbent on getting wasted, just like me. Then I ask my wife how many she had. "Three." Me: "REally?! I drank a dozen or more. I thought we were drinking at the same pace!" Thanks for the observation, Sasha4.

I am gonna stock up on club soda and ice for our dinner party. Wish me luck.

I like this kind of thinking. Great advice. Thanks.

BOOM! Yes, I'd say that it is.

Hey Lou,
I totally with ya. Did the same here on canada day too and I'm also a musician. Gigging us hard, not just the bar atmosphere but being on stage. Good luck with today

Thanks, PK. That's the way for me, too, for sure. I always say one drink feels nice, but two feels even better, and after three, the floor begins to tilt and then I wake up on the couch with the spins and a head full of regrets, and no real recollection of how (or at least why) I got so drunk.