Can Anyone Identify?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The Tarheel State
Posts: 2
Can Anyone Identify?
Hey Ya'll,
I have been a voyeur on this site for a while now, just reading your threads from a comfortable distance. But tonight I am ready to go a little deeper, so my story, sad but true....I am sick & fed up of just existing. I truly want to recover from feeling consumed by alcohol (I have o much to offer!) I have had 2 dwi's in the past 4 years, enough to have totally lost my license for 2 yrs. (no work privledges) Now, looking back, I'd have to say that I was begging & screaming for help, although it's too bad I wasn't able to ask for it in a less destructive manner! In a nutshell, I am an attractive, intelligent woman, well spoken so needless to say I am able to present myself as a pretty together woman to the outside world (the poster child for the all American girl, but when people always ask me why I'm not married, no kids of course I always make lame excuses, not letting on to th true reason, a few perceptive souls can pick up on it but for the most part people haven't a clue!) But I have a really hard time letting people get close enough to know the real me...the person who can't get through a normal day without consuming at least a 6 pack of something. Now, I have a very supportive family who is (of course) aware of my past legal trouble, but not the full extent of my internal agonies. In fact, I know having a very suportive family is a true blessing, and they have helped me tremendously, but in a way, I am yearning for someone who can emphathize with me (nobody else in my immediate family, or friends have "issues" with alcohol) So here I am, hoping to find someone who I can share my feelings with. In the past, I have been through state ordered classes because of my prior legal problems, but I am planning on going to an AA meeting tomorrow evening. I am hoping that will be be the boost I need. I think I'll feel inspired by being around other people with similar troubles (who have made a choice to be there as opposed to having to) it's just the getting there because alcohol makes me feel so terribly isolated, so I sit in my house (my "safe" place) whether I'm drinking or not.
Thanks for listening,
Laura
I have been a voyeur on this site for a while now, just reading your threads from a comfortable distance. But tonight I am ready to go a little deeper, so my story, sad but true....I am sick & fed up of just existing. I truly want to recover from feeling consumed by alcohol (I have o much to offer!) I have had 2 dwi's in the past 4 years, enough to have totally lost my license for 2 yrs. (no work privledges) Now, looking back, I'd have to say that I was begging & screaming for help, although it's too bad I wasn't able to ask for it in a less destructive manner! In a nutshell, I am an attractive, intelligent woman, well spoken so needless to say I am able to present myself as a pretty together woman to the outside world (the poster child for the all American girl, but when people always ask me why I'm not married, no kids of course I always make lame excuses, not letting on to th true reason, a few perceptive souls can pick up on it but for the most part people haven't a clue!) But I have a really hard time letting people get close enough to know the real me...the person who can't get through a normal day without consuming at least a 6 pack of something. Now, I have a very supportive family who is (of course) aware of my past legal trouble, but not the full extent of my internal agonies. In fact, I know having a very suportive family is a true blessing, and they have helped me tremendously, but in a way, I am yearning for someone who can emphathize with me (nobody else in my immediate family, or friends have "issues" with alcohol) So here I am, hoping to find someone who I can share my feelings with. In the past, I have been through state ordered classes because of my prior legal problems, but I am planning on going to an AA meeting tomorrow evening. I am hoping that will be be the boost I need. I think I'll feel inspired by being around other people with similar troubles (who have made a choice to be there as opposed to having to) it's just the getting there because alcohol makes me feel so terribly isolated, so I sit in my house (my "safe" place) whether I'm drinking or not.
Thanks for listening,
Laura
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by miss kitty
(I have so much to offer!)
Thanks for sharing your story Laura.
Keep repeating what I quoted from it.
It's how I started living sober.
Yesterday is gone.
And that meeting tomorrow night...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
Laura,
Welcome to SR, I am Triegger, an alcoholic. So glad that you found this site. I assure you that there will be many of us here who are struggling with the same things you are. I have never met a more supportive and caring group of people. I imagine many of them will be stopping by soon to say hi and offer encouragement.
I understand how isolated alcohol can make you feel so isolated. For the most part I was a solitary drunk and noone would have ever suspected I had a problem. I like you got tired of just existing. I also did the same thing that you did and lurked around the boards for deveral days before I ever posted.
Admitting to myself I had a problem was difficult for me, but I will tell you when I tried to go one day the first time without drinking it hit me square in the chest. I never made it through that first day, and I was ashamed and afraid to post here as I felt like I had let so many people that had offered there support here down. But, I came clean and admitted I had failed, and the same people that offered their support that first time I tried to go one day without booze were there for me encouraging me to dust myself off and try again.
That was 10 days ago, and I have been sober ever since. The support, advice, encouragement is here, all you have to do is reach out for it. You have taken the first step, keep coming back.
Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers,
Triegger
Welcome to SR, I am Triegger, an alcoholic. So glad that you found this site. I assure you that there will be many of us here who are struggling with the same things you are. I have never met a more supportive and caring group of people. I imagine many of them will be stopping by soon to say hi and offer encouragement.
I understand how isolated alcohol can make you feel so isolated. For the most part I was a solitary drunk and noone would have ever suspected I had a problem. I like you got tired of just existing. I also did the same thing that you did and lurked around the boards for deveral days before I ever posted.
Admitting to myself I had a problem was difficult for me, but I will tell you when I tried to go one day the first time without drinking it hit me square in the chest. I never made it through that first day, and I was ashamed and afraid to post here as I felt like I had let so many people that had offered there support here down. But, I came clean and admitted I had failed, and the same people that offered their support that first time I tried to go one day without booze were there for me encouraging me to dust myself off and try again.
That was 10 days ago, and I have been sober ever since. The support, advice, encouragement is here, all you have to do is reach out for it. You have taken the first step, keep coming back.
Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers,
Triegger
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Hello and welcome. You are not alone in this. Many of us, myself included look very normal on the outside. We are serious alcoholics in disguise. Because we look normal to others, we normally are not offered much help. We have to go out and ask for that help. But often fear and pride get in the way of that. Isolation? Yes I used to isolate. DUI's ? I've been there too. I'm trying to clean up one right now. AA has been my way out of all the chaos. The program has truly changed my life. Not only has it kept me sober, it has helped me to deal with the underlying fears and resentments that actually were the root cause of my drinking. So despite everything, I'm happy today. Glad your here!
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Laura,
Hey, fellow Tarheel! Of course, I identify. I led a double life for years. Now that I'm in a 12-Step program, though, I'm finding it much easier to start letting people get to know the real me. Where in NC are you? Maybe I could steer you towards a good meeting. I'm in Winston-Salem. And speaking of going to meetings...JUST DO IT, HONEY!! There's nothing to be afraid of. I wish you the best!
Love, Eddie
Hey, fellow Tarheel! Of course, I identify. I led a double life for years. Now that I'm in a 12-Step program, though, I'm finding it much easier to start letting people get to know the real me. Where in NC are you? Maybe I could steer you towards a good meeting. I'm in Winston-Salem. And speaking of going to meetings...JUST DO IT, HONEY!! There's nothing to be afraid of. I wish you the best!
Love, Eddie
Truth is the only lasting joy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trenton, NJ
Posts: 238
I Can Identify...
Peace Laura,
Although I may have used other drugs, the progression of my disease was still the same. For years (I thought) I hid my shakey, insecure self from the outside world. No one really knew that all of my assertive, confident behavior came from a substance...I began going to meetings because I was ordered to go. My parole officer thought that I needed it (imagine that!)
I came to understand that I, too, had much to offer...I was led to a group of people who were able to 'feel' me. They knew, they understood.
I slowly began to trust others which helped me to take an honest look at myself for the first time.
I accepted who and what I was...
I came to believe that if others could do it, so could I...
And I became committed to saving my life... I just kept coming back.
I have been clean/sober for some time now and I love to carry the message of hope and the promise of freedom.
You have made the first move...Enjoy the meeting and welcome.
Peace, Shakur
Although I may have used other drugs, the progression of my disease was still the same. For years (I thought) I hid my shakey, insecure self from the outside world. No one really knew that all of my assertive, confident behavior came from a substance...I began going to meetings because I was ordered to go. My parole officer thought that I needed it (imagine that!)
I came to understand that I, too, had much to offer...I was led to a group of people who were able to 'feel' me. They knew, they understood.
I slowly began to trust others which helped me to take an honest look at myself for the first time.
I accepted who and what I was...
I came to believe that if others could do it, so could I...
And I became committed to saving my life... I just kept coming back.
I have been clean/sober for some time now and I love to carry the message of hope and the promise of freedom.
You have made the first move...Enjoy the meeting and welcome.
Peace, Shakur
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Kansas City,Mo
Posts: 478
Laura,
Welcome here.
Your story sounds very familiar to alot of us.You have taken a big step coming here
and posting.
I am Betty,an alcoholic...and sober now for almost 9 mths,and I feel so much better,
inside and out.
I also had many DWIs and legal problems...but most of all I almost lost my family to
my drinking.
I feel like I "woke up,and came to" just in time.
You can do this,welcome here to SR.
Welcome here.
Your story sounds very familiar to alot of us.You have taken a big step coming here
and posting.
I am Betty,an alcoholic...and sober now for almost 9 mths,and I feel so much better,
inside and out.
I also had many DWIs and legal problems...but most of all I almost lost my family to
my drinking.
I feel like I "woke up,and came to" just in time.
You can do this,welcome here to SR.
spirit
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: perth,western australia
Posts: 1,460
hey laura welcome
so cool to see another "attractive, intelligent woman, well spoken so needless to say I am able to present myself as a pretty together woman to the outside world"
me too, snap, isnt that amazing. guess what there are many of us here so you have certainly found the right place my friend.!
you are not alone and no longer need to be. thanks for sharing and staying, that can be pretty tough, i am sure you have seen your story here or bits of it on the boards during your vouyeristic joints!!
as the others said, welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you.
your new mate from down under, "the other attractive, intelligent and wellspoken woman" and dont listen to any of the others if they try to tell you i am otherwise just cause i am an aussie hahaha
cheers
kath
so cool to see another "attractive, intelligent woman, well spoken so needless to say I am able to present myself as a pretty together woman to the outside world"
me too, snap, isnt that amazing. guess what there are many of us here so you have certainly found the right place my friend.!
you are not alone and no longer need to be. thanks for sharing and staying, that can be pretty tough, i am sure you have seen your story here or bits of it on the boards during your vouyeristic joints!!
as the others said, welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you.
your new mate from down under, "the other attractive, intelligent and wellspoken woman" and dont listen to any of the others if they try to tell you i am otherwise just cause i am an aussie hahaha
cheers
kath
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi Laura,
Welcome and I'm glad you've reached out. I too reached out in negative, destructive ways simply because I didn't know what else to do at the time. Alcohol is so isolating. By the time I stopped drinking I had given up friends and almost all the activities I had so enjoyed before I began to drink. The good news is you can reclaim your life. You can start today and begin to improve your life dramatically. This board is a great place to be inspired and to get support.
Love, Anna
Welcome and I'm glad you've reached out. I too reached out in negative, destructive ways simply because I didn't know what else to do at the time. Alcohol is so isolating. By the time I stopped drinking I had given up friends and almost all the activities I had so enjoyed before I began to drink. The good news is you can reclaim your life. You can start today and begin to improve your life dramatically. This board is a great place to be inspired and to get support.
Love, Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The Tarheel State
Posts: 2
Dangerous, Triegger, Marty, Eddie, Shakur, Boop, Spirit & Anna,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I feel so lucky to have found you all here & look forward to getting to know you better. I hope after doing some serious introspective work on myself I'll be in a position to offer helpful advice to others as well. Eddie, I'm in Raleigh. I have heard about a few meetings around town, so I'm just starting tonight by picking one close to me & if it doesn't feel right I'll continue to search. I think one reason I haven't been yet is that I'm a little scared I'll actually feel so much I'll become overwhelmed by the intensity of it all! You know, the alcohol pushes all of that stuff away so I didnt' have to deal with it. I will let you all know how it goes! Have a good day everyone! Hugs, Laura
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I feel so lucky to have found you all here & look forward to getting to know you better. I hope after doing some serious introspective work on myself I'll be in a position to offer helpful advice to others as well. Eddie, I'm in Raleigh. I have heard about a few meetings around town, so I'm just starting tonight by picking one close to me & if it doesn't feel right I'll continue to search. I think one reason I haven't been yet is that I'm a little scared I'll actually feel so much I'll become overwhelmed by the intensity of it all! You know, the alcohol pushes all of that stuff away so I didnt' have to deal with it. I will let you all know how it goes! Have a good day everyone! Hugs, Laura
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Laura !
Well you've definitly come to the right place. We all understand those internal agonies you speak of. I too, was "normal" on the outside, no one knew of my problem. But I knew. I was tired of hiding it, tired of living it, tired of becoming a recluse because of it. So stick around, we're here for you and hopefully your meeting will go well and give you the boost you need to do this. It can be done, sobriety is an amazing thing once you get a taste of it. Let us know how it goes. *hugs*
Well you've definitly come to the right place. We all understand those internal agonies you speak of. I too, was "normal" on the outside, no one knew of my problem. But I knew. I was tired of hiding it, tired of living it, tired of becoming a recluse because of it. So stick around, we're here for you and hopefully your meeting will go well and give you the boost you need to do this. It can be done, sobriety is an amazing thing once you get a taste of it. Let us know how it goes. *hugs*
Pretty Is As Pretty Does
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 82
So nice to see you here. And even more nice to read that we are two of a kind in more ways than one.
Keep posting and embracing SR, it IS a blessing.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Wuv Christine
Keep posting and embracing SR, it IS a blessing.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Wuv Christine
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Laura,
Welcome to SR. It seems that you are ready to surrender to your disease. It's the only way to win. Just do it one day at a time. Keep coming here and posting, many of us can identify with the pain of our disease. It does get better, and the people in here are a wonderful support. AA is also a very good idea. I just came back from a wonerful meeting.
sherry
Welcome to SR. It seems that you are ready to surrender to your disease. It's the only way to win. Just do it one day at a time. Keep coming here and posting, many of us can identify with the pain of our disease. It does get better, and the people in here are a wonderful support. AA is also a very good idea. I just came back from a wonerful meeting.
sherry
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
I am Laura, too!
And I am attractive, well-spoken, intelligent.....and also a drunk. I now have 141 days clean and sober, only by the grace of God and the wonderful people in this program. I hope you do okay at your AA meeting. Just so you know, I bawled my eyes out all the way through my first meeting. I was so imbarassed!!! Then afterward, all these people came up, hugged me, and told me they cried all the way through their first meeting, too. They also gave me a lot of phone numbers (women only, of course 
) and I use them often. Remember, you are not alone. Deep down, all of us alkies are wired the same. That is why we are all such a help to each other. Also, just because you are a newcomer doesn't mean you are not helping someone. You help other people just by being here and being honest!!!
Hugs....
) and I use them often. Remember, you are not alone. Deep down, all of us alkies are wired the same. That is why we are all such a help to each other. Also, just because you are a newcomer doesn't mean you are not helping someone. You help other people just by being here and being honest!!!Hugs....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
Welcome Laura,
My name is Lin and I am an alcoholic.This is a great place to start. This is where I began 8 months ago. I cannot recommed AA enough. Only The people who truely know what its like can help us. I felt so at home. Try it you wont regret it.
Lin
My name is Lin and I am an alcoholic.This is a great place to start. This is where I began 8 months ago. I cannot recommed AA enough. Only The people who truely know what its like can help us. I felt so at home. Try it you wont regret it.
Lin
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
