Waterfalls2014

I was at day 5, feeling ok. Trying to make the most of things. Then I go to fill up my car. Have 60 cent off a gallon points from the grocery store. I hit yes I want to use my points then only .14 a gallon of gas comes into my car. I go tell the girl working that this pump is broke. She says no we don't have any gas here. I said why wasn't there a sign up, I just used my fuel perks I accumulated. She looks at me like your loss and says there's nothing she can do about it. I got so upset. I can't have anything. So I stopped and got a 6 pack. That'll show them. Now 5 beers later I see it's me that hurting not them. Why can't I learn to quit blaming society for my failures.

melki

Tomorrow is a new day. Start over and have a plan on how you will deal with anger next time. Best wishes!

CristinaN

Oh no. I'm so sorry for you. You're right you've only hurt yourself. Dump the rest and start again tomorrow. You can do this!!!!

Nuudawn

Ah hon. You got upset. The world flips ya a bird.
And you kick your own self in the arse.

You can have something..
You can have sobriety...no one can take that from you
But you.
Take it back.
It's yours.

biminiblue

Well, on the bright side you did figure out that you're only hurting yourself.

We learn eventually. Sometimes quicker than others.

DuhDave

That's why we drink and abuse. It's "Us"...against..."Them". Recovery is all
about realizing "They" could care less. One day deep into your own recovery, you will know what I mean. Now...well...I do think your on the right track. Quit blaming..."Them". Recovery is a long process. Not an "Event". Good luck !

melki

I could never do that. Never, no matter how dreadful I felt.

Best of luck, Whyme, you're right to recognize that the "I'll show them" way of thinking is damaging and pointless. Actually, so is the "why me". Sorry, no offense, hope you feel better soon!

Chance2

1-9 - parents more interested in drinking
9 - fathers boss molests me - only touch chest so got off lightly! Tried the other said NO
17 year old - motorbike accident - best friends boyfriend dies instantly
18 years - leave country as I am to blame by peers..
21-brother slits wrist..
22-30: Try to stop brother thinking of suicide...Not successful
31 - Sexual assault
31-32 - Therapy/rehab
32-35 - paranoid/ met partner who understands
35-45 - binge drink, therapy, and IT STILL DOES NOT GET BETTER
45: Crazy, wallowing, missing s0 much - do not give a f*** but in the same breath do....

I am not what has happened to me, but I know it does not help... Forget about it and move on..NAH - remember it and put it into place ... I wish. As I am now - a mess trying to work it out but believe I will!

Vx

Waterfalls2014

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. It didn't help that my child came over high on heroin. Gosh it's so hard just wanting a normal life without addiction all around.

Melki I just thought of a name to fit how I felt when I signed up. It's not a true description of my real persona

biminiblue

Chance2, you can't change your past and we all have tragedy and sorrow in our lives.

All you can do is change your reaction to it. Don't let it define you. Rise above.

Nuudawn

Amen Chance. The first half is over for us....let's make the 2nd half count.

Chance2

I know, but i don't know- bashing your head against the walls - i know- I argue with myself all the time...how do we not, do not do it without drowning - hating life. I have no faith, I believe when we go in the ground, we fertilise the plants...Which is quite a nice thought - We are all made of carbon- star dust..
Vx

Waterfalls2014

Thanks Chance2 for being so honest. I feel you with the losses. My ex was murdered in 2012. Life gives us things we never expected. Kudos for being strong. I envy you. Best wishes!

Verte

Hey WhyMe - make sure you have something to eat tonight, drink some water, get some sleep and we will see each other tomorrow on SR. So much to gain by being here for both of us. All of us.

melki

Well good! You could've picked worse.

Waterfalls2014

Thanks Le. I'm looking forward to hanging out with you all tomorrow and for my 3 free days off. Believe it or not this forum has helped me so much. I could never share how I feel or what I'm going through with my family/friends. They don't get it. I mostly drink alone so I have nobody telling me I have a problem. It's been 30 years. And nobody recognizes it. At least I do right.

autumn2

Don't let them get away without letting you use your 60 cents off gas. Call the manager or if it's at a chain go to the service desk. This has happened to me before and if you speak to the right person you can get the 60 cents off.

melki

That must be so tough.

You can do it.

Waterfalls2014

Thanks. I have a wish. Only one wish. I get things right then help her. This is real. Lots to do but we have to start somewhere.

silentrun

It seems the slightest thing can throw you into "screw it" mode in early sobriety. Not that I wouldn't have been frustrated in that situation. That's Baloney!!! You need to have a plan in place for those moments. I like to come here and put my thoughts out there. It doesn't seem to make a much sense written out as it does in your head.
I love that phrase "I showed them". One of my friends walked home 5 miles because he was mad at his wife and left right in the middle of a meal. That's what we said to him "You showed her."