How do you forgive yourself and forget the past?
 

I have finally made the decision to stop drinking for good. I've been binge drinking for the past 2 years now and have just recently lost my second job due to alcohol which was the breaking point for me as things were going so well.

I've been thinking a lot of all the stuff I've done in these past 2 years. I've embarrassed myself countless times, I'm known as the drunken **** in my community. Every time I drink I blackout for hours and wake up with only vague recollections of what I did. I would drink on the weekends and call numerous guys over throughout the night and wouldn't even remember what we did the following morning. I started drinking at 8 am before work and sometimes even on my break to the point of blacking out and getting caught. My managers were so kind and gave me a second chance and then I just go any ruined it again.

Now I'm home with no money, no job, no friends, I can't show my face in public..everyone knows what I'm like.

How can I ever forgive myself and forget all the stuff I've done? I think about it constantly and it's causing my depression to get worse. Everyone hates me I can't live with this humiliation.

Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision to quit Ceec! You can't change what you've done - but getting sober and moving forward will do a lot to change how people think of you today and tomorrow. Have you made any kind of plans as to what you might do to stay sober? Perhaps some kind of formal plan like AA/NA or counseling?

Welcome to the Forum Ceec!! :wave:

We've all done things due to alcohol, but we need to let the past be the past, we can't change those things, in time the feelings will fade, the best way to heal from them is to look to the future, make the necessary changes to your life with regards alcohol moving forward and carve out some new happy memories!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! It's great to have you onboard!! :)

Welcome fellow Canadian. I totally agree - show 'em a sober You. The negative feelings will fade as each day passes, and I'll bet people will cheer you on (support you) as they watch you doing positive things. It starts with day one - you decision to take hold of a sober life. Show 'em what your made of. You can do this! (I was an all day and night drinker too - at work too ... if I could do it, I know you can!)

Glad to meet you Ceec - welcome. :hug:

I tore myself up with memories of what I'd done. I finally decided to be kind to myself, and go easy on the remorse and guilt. It doesn't hurt to remember that we never want to go back there - but to constantly dredge up specific events is damaging. In my case, it led me to drinking again a few times. I got fed up with wallowing around in the past, held my head up, and started walking forward. With the help of SR I made it. I'm so happy you came here for some encouragement. You have many friends now - ones who understand and want to help.

Thanks everyone for the quick replies and kind words. This is what I really needed to hear. I'm not going to stress about the past it can't hurt me if I don't let it. The past is the past.. all that is important is my now and future and the steps I take to getting better and leading a healthy life

Welcome to SR. Just getting sober will put some of that past to rest. Sober up first. You'll be fine. I'm sure those people you think are judging were just as wasted. No worries about that now. You have a big task in front you. Blessings.

Great honest post, we cannot change the past but we certainly can shape the future.
We all have to live with the ghosts of our drinking past but I refuse to let it get me down, instead I refer to those memories as the previous me.

Hi and welcome Ceec :)

I'm a guy, but I was the neighbourhood bum - you all know that guy.
I turned it around, got sober, and have a good reputation now.

Yesterday is done - we can't change a second. We need to accept that draw a line and move on.

There's a lot we can do with today though :)

D

I forgive myself by accepting it's in my past. I am an addict and addicts do things when they are in the throes of addiction that non-addicts simply don't do. It's just that simple.

Being around people from my past is another matter entirely :) I haven't quite gotten to the point where I'm comfortable being around past acquaintances and old friends or family members yet. But I do come from a very dysfunctional family background, and I'm about 90% certain that remaining distant from my family supports my sobriety at this point. Friends do get tired of the addict behavior. And they do lose patience and trust. I guess I'm just not interested in being around many people from my past, as I had moved away from home long ago, and lost touch with all of them anyway. It just happened with school, job moves, etc. And I have never been one to make lots of friends easily, so most of my other "friends" in recent years were just acquaintances anyway.

I guess it'd be hard had I lived in the same town throughout my drinking career. I honestly don't know how I'd handle reconnecting in that situation.

Forgiving yourself will come in time. It helps for me to understand how addiction works in the brain, and it helps for me to do things that increase my self-esteem on a daily basis. I think with time, and by doing good things to bolster yourself regularly you'll see that the shame and guilt do lessen.

You can't change the drunken past, but you can damn sure have a sober future, and after awhile your sober future has a sober past to go with it, and then you don't really think about all that drunk stuff you did way back when.

You don't have to forget things you've done (though they will fade with time), but it's essential to forgive yourself. We all deserve forgiveness and that doesn't mean pretending the past didn't happen. It just means, we're human, we all make mistakes, and not forgiving yourself will get in the way of your recovery. :)

Welcome Ceec! Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has a past. You can become the sober person you want to be. It might be tough but you've got friends here. Hang in there. It gets better. Best wishes!

Well Said!! welcome to the forum!

Hi Ceec, welcome to sr. Just baby steps one day at a time.

Believe it or not, you may actually chuckle about your past someday. In the meantime, just stay sober.