Thought shift
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 39
Thought shift
Hi everybody,
It's been awhile since I posted, though I have been here, reading your journeys and struggling through my own.
Six days ago, I reached the point that I was prepared to accept as my own rock bottom. I haven't suffered as much as many of my peers here have, but I have suffered as much as I can bear. Last week, I decided to just throw caution to the wind and tell every person that I love how lost I am, and how powerless I am. Some were shocked, some were not.
I was completely sober for 6 days...the longest stretch that I've had in 5 years. Today, I lost the battle.
Something strange happened. Before I even started my second drink, my head started throbbing, my brain became foggy, my guts started to hurt, and my energy level plummeted. It was like I was looking at it happening from the outside. During the last 5 years, I have functioned in a state somewhere between drunk and hungover. Today I was completely sober and in anticipation of that first drink. I won't lie...it tasted good. But shortly after, my body retaliated. I couldn't even enjoy the "buzz" that I have sought for as long as I can remember.
I'm not sure what it means, but I feel like my thought processes are shifting, as though they sense that I need it. And for the first time in my life, I don't want to know what the next drink will bring along with it.
I think that I am finally starting to understand that I will always be one drink from the brink of destruction.
Thank-you for listening
It's been awhile since I posted, though I have been here, reading your journeys and struggling through my own.
Six days ago, I reached the point that I was prepared to accept as my own rock bottom. I haven't suffered as much as many of my peers here have, but I have suffered as much as I can bear. Last week, I decided to just throw caution to the wind and tell every person that I love how lost I am, and how powerless I am. Some were shocked, some were not.
I was completely sober for 6 days...the longest stretch that I've had in 5 years. Today, I lost the battle.
Something strange happened. Before I even started my second drink, my head started throbbing, my brain became foggy, my guts started to hurt, and my energy level plummeted. It was like I was looking at it happening from the outside. During the last 5 years, I have functioned in a state somewhere between drunk and hungover. Today I was completely sober and in anticipation of that first drink. I won't lie...it tasted good. But shortly after, my body retaliated. I couldn't even enjoy the "buzz" that I have sought for as long as I can remember.
I'm not sure what it means, but I feel like my thought processes are shifting, as though they sense that I need it. And for the first time in my life, I don't want to know what the next drink will bring along with it.
I think that I am finally starting to understand that I will always be one drink from the brink of destruction.
Thank-you for listening
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
Toward my end I was just plodding along. Drinking for no reason. Bored with the drunken feeling. Tired, lazy. It's been great not drinking. So much better mentally and physically.
Sounds like your on a new path. Take it!
Sounds like your on a new path. Take it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Hi FP14, welcome back! I can relate to this so much. I wonder if it's both mental and physical. As we learn of the harm alcohol does that info is probably still there in the back of our mind and sometimes our bodies just reject it. The search for that feeling alcohol once gave us can kick in and cause binge after binge and in the end the feeling is gone. The problem is all we have left. Coming to grips with it is the hard part. I wish you the best!
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