Notmyrealname

The only reason I ever had for relapsing was because at some point I "snapped" and made the choice to get some booze and send it down the hatch. The fact of receiving bad news doesn't cause a three-day bender or whatever, so assigning some causation between negative events and my own subsequent choice to pick up the bottle would be fallacious rationalization.

After a lot of trial and error I learned to do a better job of avoiding that choice.

trachemys

Notmyrealname is not your real name?

ando68

Thanks everyone who responded.

Raider

I took my eyes off My God and let the devil sneak in the crack. So sorry I did that. What a brutal error on my part.

FeenixxRising

Agree. For me, there was the paradox that I couldn't fix "the-things-that made-me-drink" until I stopped drinking I finally realized the only thing causing me to drink was "me", and my other issues--while being something I hope to improve--really had nothing to do with my continued drinking.

In short, I was spending so much time working on my "recovery", I neglected doing the most important thing: stop drinking and commit to lifelong abstinence.

desypete

lol i loved this post : )

to be honest i have only given up drinking for today so i dont know what a winning answer would be
if i die sober then i guess it would be proof that i had the right way to go but so far i can only stay sober right now this minute, as its bed time for me soon that will be another day sober i have under my belt. so whatever is working for me i will try again tomorrow if i wake up : )

Nuudawn

I was kind of thinking about this last night...indirectly. I was actually thinking bout why I drank. For some odd reason, the "Staples" Easy Button comes to mind. I'm not sure if you are familiar with that Ando. It's just some goofy promotional thing..and it's essentially a big red plastic "Easy" button...as in "push" the easy button.

So last night, I came up with the personal notion, that booze was basically my "easy" button. Feel awkward in social situations? Push the button? Don't feel like cleaning or doing laundry? Push the button? Feel sad? Push the button? Want to enjoy myself with little to no planning or effort involved? Push the button. Wanna celebrate? Push the button. I can sleep in tomorrow? Push the button? I'm tired and lethargic? Push the button? I'm ticked off? Push the button. On and on and on...ad nauseum.

I started pushing that easy button a loooooooooong time ago...therefore all my emotional and motivational muscles seems to have atrophied.

I have no idea how to live a grown up, responsible life. No bloody idea.

Notmyrealname

That's also not my real photo

Mirage74

I can only speak for myself, and the answer is people - certain people. Places and things aren't much of an issue for me right now, as I mostly avoid situations that might trigger me. And I'm past the "Oh the 4th is coming up, let's go drink" excuses.

Waterfalls2014

I relapse because of people, places and things. Triggers are everywhere and in all environments. Bad days, people pissing me off, any excuse I can find. The secret is remembering why I quit in the first place.

BernieE

I relapse because the only consequences I have faced are shame, embarrassment and hangovers, all of which are rationalized and fade away. I am working on a drunk log to make sure I remember.

desypete

now that will work, i get the same drunk a log when a new comer comes into the room and it helps me to never forget where i have come from and if i ever do forget the wet beds the throwing up in buckets to get another drink down me or the fear that kept me locked up, or the shakes or the guild and the shame etc well i guess i will be heading for trouble again

i can remember my last drink as if it was only yesterday thanks to aa meetings and the new comers who keep on coming and the ones who have been to aa and relapsed and come back again
they do my drinking for me and i know just how lucky i am

Archelon

myopia.

tunnel vision.

I only see a small bit of reality and convince myself using substance is the only solution

Sobertaurus

When I avoid relapsing it is because the strategies I employ work and I recognize the desire and am able to apply those strategies. For example, HALT is extremely effective for me.

When I relapse, it is nearly always when I am feeling the most successful in my sobriety. Strangely, it isn't due to the tough times, emotions, etc., because those are clear and present dangers for me and I am on guard against them. When I relapse, I generally do have that blank mental spot. I don't know what to do about this, but AA seems to recognize that it is a problem, and people are successful with it, so I'm thinking about going to a meeting when I get back from vacation next week. I looked up the time and location.

As to why I keep drinking...I usually am able to control myself fairly well at first and gradually get worse over a couple weeks until I'm nonfunctional. However, during that first week or two I convince myself that I can handle it. I even spend time in denial, thinking I'm doing a great job when I only got completely wasted twice in a week. (WHY would I think this was "managing things"?!)

So, for me that is how a relapse happens, and why it continues.

Gottalife

I relapsed for as long as I had an alcoholic mind. I lost the power of choice in alcohol and I never got it back. In AA learned that permanent recovery can be achieved by working the steps and living the AA one day at a time program as set out in steps 10,11 and 12. That's what I want, permanent recovery. All my line of sponsorship achieved that.

But if I let up on the spiritual prgram of action, I know my alcoholic mind can return along with the insanity of the first drink. And make no mistake, the most insane thing any alcoholic can do is pick up the fatal first drink. Whether they make a conscious decision to drink or are taken completely unawares makes no difference. It is still an insane act.

My partner has a choice. She can take it or leave it. She can take it one day, and leave it the next. I don't have the same choice. If I take it, I can't leave it, so that's really no choice at all.

Fortunately my alcoholic problem has been removed. I have been placed in a postion of neutrality where the choice doesn't even come up. I came to AA to stop for good, and I have learned to live life one day at a time

Soberpotamus

My reason for relapse was because I just wasn't ready to be sober. I never fully invested into sobriety until the last time. I wasn't 100% certain I needed to quit forever. Now I am certain.

Soberpotamus

Nuu, brilliant analogy The Staples easy button. Exactly! I can so relate to this.

ando68

really lke this feenixrising, pretty much sums it up for me also. After the difficult emotions surfaced within me,, there was always that " screw it " bit before any substance was used.

anattaboy

This thread has more honesty and authenticity than a thousand meetings. I have always been irked by those whose experience is a quote from the Big Book or a vague religious passage. I think the freshness of a newcomer sharing in a meeting is also for this very reason-- they speak THEIR truth unencumbered by recoveryspeak. Thanks again SR!.."We never failed to fail-It was the easiest thing to dooo"(this is my reason and yes, I quoted an authority on the subject

MrBen

I guess for me it was a case of escapism. Whenever I was stressed or life was too hard, I drank to get away from it. The trick to my success (touch wood) this time was ensuring I had proper coping mechanisms in place for when those times happen.