ElleDee

I've been observing people here at work (where I spend 10 hours a day) and going what's with these people? Are they all "normal"??? I'm not... depending on the definition of normal. But people who live (boring) lives. Come to work... go home... eat dinner... go to bed by 9. Get up the next morning and start over. This is NOT me. I hate this lifestyle. If that's all there is, then let me die soon.

FreeOwl

I find it's pretty nice being able to go to bed by 9.... seldom happens but boy I kinda wish it did more frequently!!

Also; be careful about judging others. It's a good way to open up holes in our sobriety.

We don't live in the shoes of others, so we really don't know what's going on for them. We really can't be sure how fulfilling their lives are and it doesn't matter.

What matters is us.

What is fulfilling for us. What WE dream about and how WE want to live. What's in OUR hearts and how we nurture it.

One thing's for sure.... spending ten hours a day at anything doesn't leave a lot of room or energy for much else. I empathize with you there!

What's in YOUR heart?

What brings YOU Joy?

What are YOU doing about your fulfillment?

Other people's business.... it's other peoples' business.

IOAA2

NORMAL is a setting on the washer and dryer. I would rather use the word HEALTHY IN MIND AND SPIRIT.

BE WELL

LDT

If "normal" means being productive, healthy, loved, respected, joyful, energetic, creative, attractive, and being a good wife-mother-friend-sister-teacher-yogi........ Then I will gladly take "normal" every single day of the week.

CristinaN

Ditto for me!!

Croissant

I'm confused? You started another thread wondering what's wrong with everyone at work, why are they so chirpy?

Why are you so miserable? Are you not enjoying being sober at the moment?

Nonsensical

Irritability and inability to find joy in normal things is very common in early sobriety. Google "anhedonia and addiction" for details.

It gets better. You just have to keep pushing through.

doggonecarl

So what was your routine that was so exciting, that gave you so much to live for?

trachemys

Elle, you have only what they tell you about their lives to go on. You don't really know what they do. There could be whips and leather involved.

ElleDee

You go it. I can't stand chirpy people and happy people today. I'm neither. Not trying to be negative, it's just how I'm feeling today. I am not enjoying life sober. I don't get it and I don't know if an when I will. I'm sick of meetings, I'm sick of the over and over and over same stories at the meetings. I'm just not feeling it. I think I'm better off dead then walking about being happy because I went to bed at 9PM. Sorry. You asked.

FreeOwl

well.... then....

Enjoy that.

Sounds like you're not happy unless you're miserable?

Listen; it's really up to you.

You can choose to find things in your life that are good and you can focus on, magnify and multiply those...

or.... you can choose to be grumpy and negative and pissy and hate on people who have found the goodness in their lives.

Is it easy? No. Not always.

Does it GET easier? Yes. If you're willing to take the steps and even just find ONE Good Thing for every negative thing.

Does it work?

Yep.

So if you'd rather be miserable, be miserable. It's your choice.

biminiblue

Elle, I went through that too. Keep pushing through. Life is full of wonderful moments if you seek them out. Not so much if you don't go out and grab it.

If you can take a walk outside during a lunch break or after work every day, it will help a lot.

Push through it.

However, I do go to bed at 9PM. If I don't, I stay up and watch TV and eat - both of which do not contribute to my general well-being. The upside is I'm up at 5AM - the best time of the day!

castlefan

Hi Elle - I'm sorry you are having a bad day. Just my experience, but after the initial euphoria of getting through the withdraws, I had to deal with the day to day of normal living being sober, and sometimes I was bored or down too. I read your first post, it didn't seem like you were very happy drinking and hiding your drinking (I believe you described it like being on a roller-coaster). Try to remember what brought you here in the first place. Take it day by day and stay in the moment. Just because you are having a bad day today doesn't mean tomorrow is going to be awful.

carguysgirl

Every one has bad and grumpy times. A happy lesson i learned long ago is that bad moments dint need to make bad days. Own your grumpiness and let it go. Sounds goofy-but for me looking for shapes in clouds, stopping to smell flowers, picking up trash on the road while i walk my dog-or letting go of my angst for long enough to be nice to another person and maybe making their day picks me up.

ElleDee

My routine wasn't about what to live for. It was about having a way to deal with my life, which right now I'm not seeing. To just be content with waking up and going oh how wonderful, the birds are singing and the weather is nice... yippee... who cares. I'm not even sure what I want... and that's probably part of the problem.

kadidee

Elle, hang in there. I used to think that way too...that all those 'normal' people who went home, cooked dinner, and went to bed were boring. I think I was trying to create some sort of excitement in my life by drinking or to distract myself from things I didn't want to deal with.

Not drinking for a prolonged period of time though brings peace and consistency. No more drama or regrets or holes in my memory. No more 'why did I stay up until 2 am on a work night drinking...what did I gain from that?' thoughts. Your mind, body, and spirit will adjust to a new 'normal' for you. I know the early days are rough. You're doing great though--keep going!

hokey

Sounds like your AV is roaring in your head this morning. Don't let it win!

jaynie04

I think giving yourself permission to just sit with your feelings is important. If you feel pessimistic today, feel pessimistic. Learning to be uncomfortable or agitated or irritated but doing it without using it as a springing off place to drink is a huge exercise in early sobriety.

Right now there are people having their first baby, getting the news that a loved one died, signing papers to buy their first home, packing up their desk to retire after a long career, being moved into a nursing home, heading for vacation, picking out a loved one's clothing to bring to a funeral home……Life will always have its peaks and valleys…and it will also have those interim periods. You probably can't see right now that you have actually begun your climb out of a valley.

I think it is ok to give yourself permission to say that right now you don't like your reality. The only guarantee we all have is that it will inevitably change. Your drinking problem isn't going to go away…so your choice is either dealing with it head on like you are doing, or letting the bottle decide the course of your life.

Early sobriety is really uncomfortable. Our brains have literally been altered, we trained them to look for short term solutions. Your brain will take a while to look for different avenues for gratification.

You might not stay in your current job, maybe a year from now you will be doing something that keeps you up at night because you can't wait to get to work the next day. Sobriety allows you the possibilities of pushing out the walls that drinking built up around you.

A therapist I used to have would tell me it was ok to feel frustrated. I would always couch my issues in terms of "it doesn't really matter when I think about xyz world issues". The pebble in your shoe hurts, and it is ok to acknowledge that. I think giving ourselves permission to own our feelings is a step towards being able to nurture ourselves constructively.

Today it sounds like you feel the overwhelmingness of day to day tedium, and that the pot of gold at the end of the day has been removed. Nothing has changed…..except you. That is huge, the way you are feeling is authentic. For me, being authentic has been so freeing. I hope you can see that you are on the road, even if it doesn't feel like it….

doggonecarl

Figuring it out is what the journey of recovery is. Every one here with any successful sober time (meaning sober and not miserable about it) had to learn to deal with life on such terms. And we did or we wouldn't have stayed sober.

You can too.

As for my question about your routine....your routine brought you here. I think as the bruise on your eye heals, your memory of your "routine" fades and you start applying more positive attributes to the way things were than they deserve.

Hang in there.

FreeOwl

sitting with your feelings is one thing, and healthy.

running away with them, identifying with them, focusing on them to the exclusion of a broader context for your life.... that's a good way to get stuck in a rut of self-pity, negativity and darkness.

good way to pull down the foundations of sobriety.