desypete

maybe your right but i lost my son just 2 years ago so maybe this is my own reaction to someone who wishes they were dead all because life is a bit boring for them
if you could see a child of your own die you would understand

i guess i can react to so i need more work on me.
the one thing i can say to elle is when you lose your job and have no money left and no one around you to care about you as they have heard all your hard luck storys before then you might take some real action for change i can only hope you dont have to go down that road as i wouldnt wish to see anyone go down there
but i am sorry for reacting with my post its shown me that i am still hurting over my little lad dying so there is more work needed on me as i am not perfect either

MIRecovery

My life was a bowl of cherries when I was drinking. Get out of work and buy a fifth of cheap vodka and drink half of it on the way home. It was so exciting thinking I would get pulled over and my life would crashing down. Then the adventure with my wife if she smelled alcohol on me. Oh and the insane excuses so I could drink the other half in the garage. I so looked forward to the morning barf and using makeup to cover up the dark circles. Oh and the paranoia of people smelling alcohol on me in the morning.

Yes life was so much fun it almost killed me

Dee74

I hope you feel better ElleDee

D

Soberpotamus

What Croissant said here is what I've experienced in the past year and find to be true! Very well said.

And I hope you're feeling better today. Hey, honesty about where you are, and how you're feeling... that's being mindful and being in the here and now. No better place to be. Hang in there. Things do get better!

Fandy

it always makes me feel better to treat people kindly and not be so self-absorbed. compassion for others is part of giving back when we are sober.

I'm very sorry for anyone that has lost a child, that is a special kind of hell I hope that I never experience.

I love being "normal" and routine helps with MY sobriety, much better than injuring myself and wondering how the bruises got there while I was drunk. Perhaps Elle can relate?

I love the normalcy of not worrying if I offended anyone with my stupid behavior, I love that boring bedtime and waking up without barfing or a hangover. Hell, I love breakfast and working out, sheesh, I am one of "those people"

A very wise woman on these boards once told me that "the difference between a bad day and good day...is about 2 days"....everyone has them, normal people too.

congrats on your 9? days sober, we have ALL been there...a good nights sleep will make you feel and look better too.

DJSobriety

What is "normal" anyway?

I think everyone is weird in their own way. Makes the world brighter and a little more beautiful.

Marcher13

Elle have you been over to our Gratitude threads here on SR? Early in recovery I sometimes found it hard to be grateful but there was never a day when there wasn't something I actually was glad of, so I'd write it down and read what other "gratees" had to say. Now even on bad days I am full of gratitude. Come and give it a go.

autumn2

I'm sorry you are feeling down today. I hope tomorrow is better
I totally get where you are coming from. I too have those days where I just hate everything.

But,be careful what you wish for! The last time I wished I was dead, I found out about a month later that I was pregnant at 40.Although at the time I didn't even want to keep the pregnancy. I truly believe now it was my hp bringing me a ray of sunshine to brighten my days.

To the pp who lost her child. I'm so terribly sorry. I know how it feels to lose a child.We as parents are not wired to lose a child.It's suppose to be the other way around. We can handle losing our parents,but not a child.

Chance2

I am so sorry to hear about your son- I can only imagine how horrendous that must be. I too have lost someone close to me- my brother committed suicide 14 years ago and I still miss him terribly - he wanted to die for a long time and I do not hold it against him as some people find life too painful. I took my parents at least 10 years to reach acceptance of some sort- but they have never been the same. The only thing we can do is support them as long as we can and hope the bad feelings go away. I think we have all had days when we feel that way- I admired Elledee's honesty and I hope she feels better today. I also hope you have support , as 2 years is not very long.

IOAA2

My bad days today are superior than my best days drinking. In the beginning of my sobriety I was very undisciplined and wanted………………….. When I didn’t get it, most of the time I whined and got very negative.
Then one day a wise person at a meeting brought up the subject of Gratitude and that got me thinking. Mine started with the thought that since I haven’t picked up a drink, which I was heading for, I don’t have to get sober AGAIN.
Another big one at my age is I’m not looking up at the grass roots! YET!

BE WELL

Needinghelp82

People I work with are ordinary.

They get up, work, go home and sleep. One has a wine box subscription but moderates fully well.

I wish I could do that.

I've been signed off work due to stress - I just can't cope with the demands. My colleagues can. I'd love to be back.

tomsteve

got a sponsor?? working the steps? going to different meetings with different formats?

the steps and the program have a great way to deal with life. have you been reading the big book? but its not an overnight matter. im sure it didn't take3-7 days of living the way you were to get to the doors of AA. its gonna take T.I.M.E.(good acronym there) for your attitude and outlook to change( part of 9th step promises).

something you could do now is make out a gratitude list. think of things yer greatful for.

I once was mad because I had no shoes until I saw a man that had no feet.

tomsteve

I want to add that 9 years in I can still have bad days. not spiritually fit. tryin to play God. letting my shortcomings. defects of character come out. trudging sucks, but it works.
life really is a bad of roses. I just have to remember them roses have thorns and they can ***** me sometimes.

Aellyce

Hi Elle,

I hope you are feeling better now - hang in there. They are moods - come and go often apparently without reason (a lot of it is physiological, really). Like others said, non-drinkers and people in recovery also go though mood swings, they are part of being human. In early sobriety we are especially vulnerable, not only because our brain chemistry undergoes big changes, but also because we are in a limbo state: the old unhealthy coping mechanism (drinking) removed and new ones are not developed yet. This is one reason why using some kind of method or program to aid our recovery is so important. For most of us, I think it takes a bit of playing around, trial and error to find what works for us, what's truly helpful. Maybe if the bad mood persists, you could also consider seeing a professional (psychiatrist or psychologist)? Their jobs exist to help us deal with concerns about mental well-being. I'm seeing a therapist and it's not only helpful but an interesting adventure on its own. Have also considered psych medications but for now we decided that it may be better not to introduce them right now since I've been doing pretty well "unaltered" and it's been quite stable in the past couple months. But I would reconsider anytime if things go downhill.

Also, you feel bored most likely also because you have not tried to fill your time with new, rewarding activities yet. You miss the effects of drinking and have not learned how to enjoy life without yet. I think *this* is completely normal, I doubt there is anyone who does not go through such a phase, or even cyclically sometimes. I suggest that maybe you take it simple, don't expect sudden big changes but instead, find some new activities and be consistent doing them. The consistency is important because that's how we develop new habits.

I would say it's also normal to be bothered about loud people, I have the same issue sometimes, still. However, I am convinced that often this is the result of my perception, that the processes in my brain are sometimes "playing games" and distort external things and lower my tolerance.

For me, all I have wanted to be for many years now, is "normal"... enjoying simple things, not much drama, get rid of the constant dark and impending doom thinking... the distress came from not being able to achieve that as a drinker.

You are doing great posting about your concerns here, keep it going!