rocky123

So its been about all this year that I have tried to quit drinking unsucessfully besides once after going to the hospital to get librium and having my mom and dad watch me for five days, Like an idiot I went back to it but instead of whiskey and vodka its 1-2 bottles of wine all day and night almost every day. On top of it no one knows and I cannot make my family go through that again as they think I have been sober for months now. I know I need to stop but im terrified of dying of a massive seizure when nobody is around. I will not tell anyone as I just cant... I want to stop but my body keeps telling me no. For the last three weeks I have been fretting over quitting and what may happen and also how I could maybe cut down then stop so its not as rough on my body and hope to hell I dont have a seizure. I have never had one before just the sweats, extreme tremors, restless legs, cant think and impending doom feeling. But now I am afraid the worst could happen. Im so mad at myself and ashamed and I know i need to stop but its the doing it that is scaring me the most. I have no support system in this as to why I came to this sight. I plan on starting tommorow and just praying I will be able to get through the withdrawals.... it freaks me out even thinking about it. Anyone have any withdrawal storys and how much they drank beforehand they can tell me about?.. It seems wierd but I think it will make me feel alittle bit better getting through this. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired and am afraid to find out how much damage I have actually done to my body. But if I dont start now i fear i never will and i want to live and be happy and pursue things in life besides fear of death and drinking which caused the fear.

Anna

Hi Rocky,

Withdrawals can be very unpredictable, and each one tends to be more difficult than the last. That's why it's important to talk to your dr. Do you have a family dr who you can confide in?

PurpleKnight

Hey rocky, Welcome to the Forum!!

You gotta do this safely, withdrawals can be serious, so checking in with a Dr to get through them should be your first thing to do. Everyone is different, there are soo many variables to compare potential withdrawals, time of drinking, quantity, genetics, weight, height etc etc the list goes on.

There's no point in worrying about the ifs and maybes of the potential damage caused either, a Dr can give you the facts through medical tests of what is actually going on inside your body.

It was my first step in getting Sober and it was beneficial in so many ways!!

Gilmer

See a doctor for detoxing, Rocky. Think of a good plan with plenty of support. Reading and posting on this site whenever you are tempted is excellent--there is lots of encouragement all the time here.

But it sounds like you've become pretty isolated: perhaps you'd do well to get into a group setting like AA with face-to-face accountability from other people.

rocky123

Well luckily I already have the medication for detox which worked pretty well last time. Then my other fear is getting delerium tremons which doesnt happen till like after days of being clean and that would be horrible. The problem I have is im in the medical feild and have too much knowledge about alcohol and all the terrible things that can happen and I think it has just freaked me out and im psyching myself up for the worst possible thing. I have high anxiety and if I read about certain things it makes me feel like omg i have that or thats going to happen. I think i really need to relax and stop thinking into the worst possible cenarios since thats not helping. blah wish my brain would stop thinking so much!

rocky123

Its so sad to be afraid of quitting something that is actually killing me already. Its like an oxymoron!

Gilmer

I know what you mean! When my daughter was pregnant, my husband was nauseous for two weeks!

rocky123

I am also afraid of feeling feelings again. Thats why I started drinking in the first place. Now im in a rut and whats worse was my parents got me a job and I couldnt take it because I knew I would not be able to pass the alcohol test and thats been a major wake up call for me. So they now think im applying for jobs when im not because i want to get sober and have time to get my **** together beforehand...Im angry that after all the fuss of quitting before I ended up drinking poison again and again and for the last i dont know how long everyday of my life. I feel like a child who has ruined there life before even begining it. I wish everyday i could take back the last 2 years of it all and it all started when my brother died of a heroin overdose and i had to be there for my mom and dad and play an adult, at the same time living with an abusive boyfriend, then having a miscarriage all in a matter of 3 months it drove me over the edge and drinking was the only thing i felt made me ok to be ok. I finally got away from my ex and its been a year but every moment of my sober life hes on my mind, its like that sick love thing, and whats worse is walking around like im so much better (all because when i drink im a high functioning person who likes to be productive and happy) when i dont drink im miserable and mean and dont have the confidence to do anything or want anything. I have lost all my friends during the time i was with my ex so i literally have NO one to hang out with or call or talk to. Whats worse is i recognize all the reasons I drink and can understand all of them yet its been my savior for the last two years and its hard to face the facts and not wanting to feel anything makes me feel better but i know that i have to try its just absolutely terrifying to remember. I took anxiety meds and they never did anything for me before. Anyone on here have any stories or advice on what they did when they got sober and painful memories came back to them?

trachemys

Use your meds and monitor yourself. If things go sideways call your doctor. If it gets REALLY sideways, call 911.

Doctors have to treat for the worst possible scenario when seizures and convulsions are "possible". That's what you've been reading about: worst possible cases.

sillysuzanfree

Before I got sober I also went to the ER and got Librium...stayed with my parents for a few days and then went back to drinking on and off for another year. After each bender, I worried about seizures too. I never had one but detoxing was still pure hell. The best thing to do is to see a doctor even if you have to take a taxi to get there. Discuss a plan with him/her on how to best proceed. If I had it to do again (and I pray I won't) I wouldn't try to detox on my own, nor would I keep it to myself. Chances are your parents may already suspect something.

All the best and be safe

FacingFuture

Rocky,

You have friends on SR... You just need to ask. Check the chat feature out as well.

As everyone has said, if you are really worried, call a DR. and make an appointment.

Unfortunately many folks (like me and lots of ppl on here) have anxiety too. Many treated it with Alcohol too. You are among folks that are like you, do like you, and have been through what you have been through before.

You'll get through this

Thatdeliveryguy

Rocky123, I was daily drinker for a long time, I have chronically relapsed, I lied to my family a long time about my sobriety too. I didn't want to tell anyone I failed, after all the help they gave me.

Well my friend, one day after getting sick again, puking my brains out, losing it and having a mental breakdown I decided it was time to stop for good. I have some weeks in now and I am feeling better.

Withdrawls, yes I had withdrawls, sweating, panic attacks, and feel like I was going to die. I thought to myself then and there if I got through it again, I would stop this time. I know its scary bro, its very scary.....

DON"T PUT YOUR PRIDE IN FRONT OF THE FACT THAT SERIOUS WITHDRAWLS CAN KILL MY FRIEND. Listen to me friend, if it gets bad you promise me you will get help ie call 911 or something. Don't you dare put your pride or whatever in front of getting help.

I am pulling for you, and you can get over it, and I hope will get over it. I am not going to lie, the days are going to be long, and its going to be hard, but you matter! YOU UNDERSTAND ME, you matter, and we/ I need you..

Please get to a doctor if it gets bad, know that someone cares, and that you matter... end of story you can do this, others have done this, and you will prevail.... don't worry about what others think worry about you....

Stay safe and sober friend TDG

rocky123

I definitely would call 911 if I got bad, I just really dont want that to happen and pray that i can get away with the fever,chills,impending doom feeling, sweats like i did before. I plan on taking the librium which is the medication they gave me at the er when i went in earlier this year and they just had me take it for 5 days and have someone watch me, although this time i dont have any body who can stay or watch me for that many days this week as they work alot and cant get off time now. I am battling between cutting my drinking down over a couple of days then taking taking the librium when someone is around. Since im afraid to take it alone... problem with that is everyone is busy this week ugh. how i ended up in this mess i dont know. I just remember my mother saying to me last time that if i ever did that again shed slap me and pretty much distrust me forever. Although i dont blame her i never thought id end up here again in the same damn predicament. I also feel so guilty and ashamed as my brother passed away only a year ago from heroin overdose and im there only kid left and how selfish i could be to do this or even get here after knowing that.And even more guilty my parents think im trying to get a job and really im not because i know i couldnt pass a dam test. I will work this out some how this week and ofcorse i wouldnt do anything stupid and not call 911 thats why i drank today because I know i need a plan in place before going cold turkey, the good thing is i have the meds that they give u for detox in er so im set with that but still terrified of it all and remembering my last withdrawals and how terrified i was then and telling god if i got through them id never drink again...and now here i am hating what ive done and remembering why i said those things and how stupid i must have been to pick it up again. this site is really great though and i feel like im around others who have been where i am and have been and are sober it makes things alittle more optomistic to know im not as alone as i feel most of the time. Trying to break up with the drink was never something i imagined would be a part of my life until this year...well hello reality.

least

Welcome! Do call 911 if it gets bad. I hope your detox isn't too awful and I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.

NightsWatch

I think it's normal to feel scared because you're not sure what is going to happen and you're anticipating a lot of the worst case scenarios. Our advanced brains help us look ahead for potential dangers, but it's counterproductive sometimes when the answer is more action and less thinking. This is one of those times. I get it. I have a lot of anxieties too, but I can't recall a single time my worrying had actually helped in any way when the event finally came to pass. And a lot of times (okay, most of the time), I worried about things that never even ended up happening!

I don't have any dramatic withdrawal stories. I will say that I experienced the worst of it this last time because I had been moderately drinking for months prior to my last binge. I was really surprised and it made me realize the toll alcohol has taken on my body. During this period, I too was worried about seizures. It didn't help at the time, but I'm letting that worry help me now to not drink. I don't want to go through that again.

You will get through this rocky! You are stronger and more resourceful than you've given yourself credit for, but one day you'll look back and be able to see it.

Thatdeliveryguy

rocky123, get a plan, get ready, and prepare for whatever is going to happen, its going to suck, I know it is, and from your post I can tell you know that too. I am not a doctor, can't pretend to be one, but take the medication as prescribed use it wisely and get sober. Don't put yourself in jeopardy though, I've gone through rough detoxes and I know it can be scary and trying.

rocky123

How long have you been sober @ thatdeliveryguy?

DisplacedGRITS

Rocky, I think hiding all this from your parents is about the worst thing you can do besides drinking. I understand why you want to do it but you're not sparing them anything. Be honest and accept whatever help they are willing to give you. You're their child and they love you. If it were someone you loved suffering, wouldn't you want them to lean on you?I if you're going to make this the start of lasting sobriety, get off on the right foot.

As far as safe detoxing goes, I've done it both ways. I detoxed in a medical setting twice and many times at home. I've experienced at least one seizure during a home detox and I'd been drinking about the same amount as any other time I'd detoxed. There was nothing that could have predicted it. Is there a reason you're not detoxing in a hospital? I had insurance but it still cost me around $2k. Took a while to pay off but worth it. If detoxing at home is causing you so much mental and physical anguish, detox in a hospital. It's the safest way and I personally wish I'd done it when I had my seizure. I cannot explain the terror I had that night after the seizure. I laid in the bed next to my husband, afraid that if I closed my eyes he would wake up to a dead wife. I'm glad he didn't.

Honesty is not easy but when you get used to practicing it, you will find it liberating. I find that I also engage in less behavior that I need to hide from. Cast your ego and pride aside and be honest. It is one of the most powerful steps you can take in sobriety.

rocky123

displaced grits the reason im not doing it in a hospital is because i went to the hospital and all they did was give me the detox meds and send me home and have someone watch me for 5 days and told me to come back if i had a seizure... so thats why not in a hospital. That was last time and I was fine with the meds they gave me and did it from home. So i still have those meds and am not going back to have them tell me the same thing and send me home with more. So if i go back theyll tell me the same thing and give me the meds i already have which is not worth it when i have them and can take them ive just been putting of taking them and getting healthy because i didnt want to until now. but now its time to get with it and suck it up and stop procrastinating like i have been.