In Danger, Time to Change
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1
In Danger, Time to Change
Hi guys, I’m new here. I’m an alcoholic and opiate addict and have had enough. I’ve been using for years, but lately I’ve become more aware of the problems its causing. The money spent, and the lost time with family is hard to think about. I wish that was the end of my issues, but my addiction has taken a very dangerous turn.
Before I continue, I want to tell a little about myself. I’m a husband to my wonderful wife, and father to a beautiful 6 month old girl. I’ve got a stable job and am generally a pretty social guy. Partied my way through high school, but was much more focused in college. However, the past 3 or 4 years have been a rollercoaster.
Sensing financial failure and a deep addiction, last year I found the strength to tell off my opiate dealer. It helped with a much more stable financial life, but was only half the problem. I started drinking much more. I worked up to a liter of whiskey a day, or every other day. I began to explore just how drunk I could get. I’ve backed off the whiskey, but I still continue to drink in excess.
The very frightening turn off events is my boldness in acquiring painkillers. Although I’ve been clean from pills for over a year, I’ve fallen back in. This is extremely hard to say, but I’ve been stealing them from my neighbor. I noticed them a couple months back when invited in. A week or two later, a situation presented itself for me to walk in the back door, and I took it. Although I knew my neighbor needed these, my addiction didn’t care. This horrible process usually occurs after drinking heavily and is almost impossible to stop when drunk. Just recently, after begging myself not to go, i did it again. However, this time was different. My neighbor had placed items around the doors that would move or fall after using them. Not sure if I personally triggered one of his traps, but I immediately realized I was at an all time low. My neighbor wanted to verify that someone had been breaking in. I’m not sure if I gave then the evidence needed, but I felt the pain I was causing someone else. Not only am I harming myself, I’m harming people around me. This fact hurts the most.
To make matters worse I called my old dealer so I didn’t feel obligated to steal them. I’ve ran up a tab of around 2000 dollars this past month. I rationalized it was a small price to pay instead of prison time.
The depth of my shame has driven me here. Generally a strong willed person, I’ve become a prisoner to the things i’ve been using to escape. I’ve put others in harms way, and have been a horrible person. I’ve become an individual that is so different from who I am, it’s terrifying. I’m hoping this is a first step to a life far removed from what I’m living now.
I guess I’m open to whatever comes next. This is truly the first time in my life I know I’ve gone too far. It’s amazing how long I’ve rationalized drinking and taking drugs. Even though I knew they were dangerous, I felt I was in control. Not anymore.
Before I continue, I want to tell a little about myself. I’m a husband to my wonderful wife, and father to a beautiful 6 month old girl. I’ve got a stable job and am generally a pretty social guy. Partied my way through high school, but was much more focused in college. However, the past 3 or 4 years have been a rollercoaster.
Sensing financial failure and a deep addiction, last year I found the strength to tell off my opiate dealer. It helped with a much more stable financial life, but was only half the problem. I started drinking much more. I worked up to a liter of whiskey a day, or every other day. I began to explore just how drunk I could get. I’ve backed off the whiskey, but I still continue to drink in excess.
The very frightening turn off events is my boldness in acquiring painkillers. Although I’ve been clean from pills for over a year, I’ve fallen back in. This is extremely hard to say, but I’ve been stealing them from my neighbor. I noticed them a couple months back when invited in. A week or two later, a situation presented itself for me to walk in the back door, and I took it. Although I knew my neighbor needed these, my addiction didn’t care. This horrible process usually occurs after drinking heavily and is almost impossible to stop when drunk. Just recently, after begging myself not to go, i did it again. However, this time was different. My neighbor had placed items around the doors that would move or fall after using them. Not sure if I personally triggered one of his traps, but I immediately realized I was at an all time low. My neighbor wanted to verify that someone had been breaking in. I’m not sure if I gave then the evidence needed, but I felt the pain I was causing someone else. Not only am I harming myself, I’m harming people around me. This fact hurts the most.
To make matters worse I called my old dealer so I didn’t feel obligated to steal them. I’ve ran up a tab of around 2000 dollars this past month. I rationalized it was a small price to pay instead of prison time.
The depth of my shame has driven me here. Generally a strong willed person, I’ve become a prisoner to the things i’ve been using to escape. I’ve put others in harms way, and have been a horrible person. I’ve become an individual that is so different from who I am, it’s terrifying. I’m hoping this is a first step to a life far removed from what I’m living now.
I guess I’m open to whatever comes next. This is truly the first time in my life I know I’ve gone too far. It’s amazing how long I’ve rationalized drinking and taking drugs. Even though I knew they were dangerous, I felt I was in control. Not anymore.
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