Charliee

My new boss told me that I need to show more of my personality to our patients and be more of my real self with them. He says he sees glimpses of who I really am at times and I need to be that way all the time. The problem is that it has been really hard to break down the wall I have put up since getting sober. I have a really hard time being myself again, letting down my guard and letting people in. Even my husband says I am that way with him, which I don't see, because he knows everything. I am so scared that they will learn my history and no longer want to be a part of my life. Any suggestions appreciated.

Coldfusion

Here are two of the promises of the AA program:

"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us."

"Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."

I gained a lot of self-confidence by going to meetings and sharing with others about how alcoholism affected me.

DisplacedGRITS

I personally don't hide the fact that I'm a sober alcoholic. It's a big part of who I am so I feel that I can't treat my recovery as a secret. I don't lead with it, for sure, but if it comes up, I don't hide my recovery. I believe that the truer my outside self is to my inside self, the happier I am. My anxieties in social situations has also been eased by knowing the very best thing I can do is to just be myself. I have to actively work on asking people about themselves (I'm still too self centered) but when I do, I am honestly interested. I remember that if I behave like someone I like, I will attract people I like. There will be people who don't like be but that's fine. It's not my job to please them.

To thine own self be true. It took me a long time to understand what that meant. Now, I can't believe that I ever lived any other way.

sobercalmwishes

Good job on being sober so long! That's amazing you've been going since March! I cannot speak to your job situation, but I can say that I have been trying to get totally sober for YEARS, and so I've had many stretches of sobriety. The ones closest to me notice the difference, and though they've wanted me sober, they often can act like they don't want it at all! I know if I were them, I'd feel the same way. You are used to your loved ones patterns and behaviors and when they change, it's a little threatening. Sometimes I could swear my husband would prefer I go back to it, but I can't let his insecurity get in the way, I can only try to understand his hesitation and maybe confusion, and give each of my loved ones time to get used to it, because guess who is having the hardest time of all getting used to it? ME! and YOU! I wish you the best on your job! I have never had that happen yet, so I am praying you will know what to do. Please be patient with yourself and don't let worry take over.

FeenixxRising

Charlies, is there any reason why your recovery should come up in your interactions with patients? I'm confused as to why any patient would ever find out your history.

rAAt

'and to practice these principles in all our affairs' Step 12

Charliee

He is not talking about my recovery, he is talking about me being more outgoing. He doesn't even know my past..

FeenixxRising

Understood, I wasn't referring to your boss. In your original post you mentioned you were afraid they might find out about your history. When you say "they", I'm assuming you're referring to the patients you interact with, so I'm asking why your history would need to come up in normal conversation with patients? I don't see why it should, so I'm suggesting there's no reason to avoid letting your personality shine a little and being a bit more outgoing and open with the patients.

I don't know exactly what your boss is looking for, but I would think a warm smile, a friendly hello and casual conversation with patients would be more than adequate.

Anyway, that's my suggestion.

PurpleKnight

I personally dislike employers who try to change who employees are, surely people are getting paid to do a good job, I'm sure patients would be happy with that.

I work in an industry were there is a level of customer/client service required, but again as long as it's provided to the satisfaction of the customer/client then the job is being done successfully.

LadyinBC

I have to be honest, but I hate bosses that tell me stuff like this and quite frankly want to tell them to get stuffed! Sorry but that is just how I feel and it bugs me when people tell me something like that and I'm actually feeling quite angry for you.

For me it crosses into my personal and private space. I have always kept my personal life and work life very separate. I am a different persona at work and a different person at home. As long as I am professional and do my job that is all that should matter.

bookmaven

Be careful trying to be someone else's definition of who you are and who you should be. There is nothing wrong with being yourself. You are going through a major life transition.

I once had a supervisor who told me I had a wall and he wanted to break through it, to get to the real me. I had a wall up for a reason, to protect myself from people like him! That was a severe boundary issue with me and I really felt like he had crossed a line. Just because I'm introverted does not mean I'm antisocial. It means I'm quietly thoughtful, and like to process my thoughts inside my head before speaking, instead of blurting out whatever random thought pops into my head.

When I drank I had no censor, just blurted out everything like verbal diarrhea. I hated that. I'm not that person sober, and I would resent it if anyone told me I should be more outgoing because that's how I acted when I was drunk.

Tang

I was told I'm not outgoing enough by my former boss. I also deal directly with customers (not patients). In my case it's just my personality, being an introvert I process information differently than extroverts. This may not be your case, but after reading 2-3 books on introversion(science based), I realize I will only ever be so outgoing. If this is more than just early sobriety, it may be who you are. My 2 cents.