Julie59

Well one week ago I posted as Day Two and said I had told AV to go to Hell....well AV and hell came back for Day 3,4, and 5.....what I decided was no-more day Ones.... is now day 8 and have told myself out of 8 days I have only drank 3 days....instead of heavily all 8 days.... which also means 5 days of not drinking (Surely that has to be a positive) I have spent today and the last three days telling the AV to get lost when ever I have needed to. A couple of times have really had to YELL at "it" ....but most of the time hasnt been to bad. Have also managed to do some sewing and accomplish a few other projects. Still have a problem procrastinating over important things that need to me done...mainly jobs for clients of mine. But I am doing my best to stay positive and look at all the small things I do accomplish each day....LIKE NOT HAVING A DRINK....

PurpleKnight

Whatever works for you Julie is the best way forward, everyone has their own way!!

The voice of alcohol just needs to be whipped into shape now and again!!

ReadyAtLast

congrats on day 8 Julie

Julie59

Thankyou to Purpleknight and ReadyAtLast ... the good thing is I havnt suffered any withdrawal symptoms. But as you and everyone at SR would know ... even though I (we) may not be drinking we still have to face our other major problems ... mine being depression, major financial difficulties (having being financially secure with own lovely property etc .. to now being just about destitute) marriage break down to name a few .... so am trying to get through each day .... battle my depression and crawl my way back up...... this is just not where I thought I would be at this time of my life.....
Still ... anyway I wont be drinking today .....
I wish every one out there in SR a strong and if not happy then accomplished day

zerothehero

I've decided to picture my AV as the ghost of an old drinking buddy who was found dead on the floor in his apartment surrounded by empty vodka bottles. His death was one of my main inspirations for getting healthy. That way, when the AV comes up I can wrap an arm around his shoulder and just remind him that despite all the fun we had, he's dead. Those old arguments just don't hold much weight coming from a dead man.

I suggest continuing to play with the AV idea, work with it rather than fighting against it. Maybe try to help the AV get sober, the poor thing. When those thoughts arise, just convince it otherwise. Take away it's power through love and acceptance. I don't think my ghost friend will ever fully go away. His memory, like the AV, is part of me. I have to live with that.

least

I hope you can find the strength to stay sober.

Julie59

Thank you Least .... today I have the strength.... and I like you am a bona fido dog lover.....when my Golden Retriever and Tibetan Spaniel smile at me ..... wow they help with my strength

Julie59

Zero ... I am definitely finding that recognizing my AV and dealing with "It: is certainly proving to be a strong way of fighting my drinking
Must be so hard for you thinking of your friend....thank goodness you reacted in such a positive way .... you could so easily have gone in the opposite direction ....

zerothehero

Actually, my hardest drinking occurred for the two years after he died and right before I quit. Seems ridiculous now, but addiction doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense.

Keep at it. I won't pretend my first months of sobriety were easy, but I feel better now than I have in many years.

freshstart57

Julie, I think it is an awesome way to understand our relationship with alcohol and to quit and stay quit for good. Lots of folks have quit just as you are doing. Here is an account of quitting by learning to recognize that AV.

Believe you can do this, Julie, and you will succeed, I know it. Onward!

airwick

Julie,

I agree with Purpleknight on this one. "What ever works for you"
Keep up it up. It will pay off in the long run

bookmaven

My AV is like the stereotype of the little devil on one shoulder and my HP is not exactly an angel, (or maybe her halo is dented?) hanging out on my other shoulder. I combine tidbits of different programs into my own program of recovery, taking what I like, leaving the rest, and doing what works for me.

Julie59

just read your blog Freshstart it helped me even more to understand AVRT ..

Julie59

Had the urge to jump in my car (I have lost my licence ) and go to the shops and buy some vodka ..... but managed to convince myself was the AV talking and sat and let the feeling pas through me ..... phew !

bookmaven

Good for you staying sober another day. Don't worry about what might happen tomorrow, just make a promise to yourself and maybe us here at SR to not drink for the next 24 hours. It's what I did for the first few weeks after I quit. It wasn't easy. Sometimes I had to say "I will not drink for the next hour." I also found that talking to other recovering alcoholics helped me a lot.

UnixBer

The AV fades and gets weaker with time. I used to spend lots of energy fighting it, but then learned that fighting it only fuels it up and that since it is chemical and physiological mostly it doesn't make any sense fighting it.

PAWS and AV go together very well and I find that the AV is mostly physical and not that much at all mental or emotional, at the starting point. It is just injuries from the poison alcohol and its toxic after-effects on neurons and the result is an AV which does have a certain clear-cut way of operation.

At times it may seem as if it never goes away, but I'm sure it does.
AVRT has been a great tool in recovery and works for many people.

Julie59

AV won in the the last two days grrrrr.....usual thing start to feel really good
and then boom ..... sabotage again !!

bookmaven

What are you going to do differently this time?

Julie59

Hello Bookmaven (would love to know your real name) I will do what you have said previously .... one hour at a time... one day at a time .... I have done that before and has worked quite well... just need to get past that point when i feel pretty good and then AV steps in ... need to not blame AV .... just need to tell AV that I dont need "IT" anymore ... hope all is well with you ..

freshstart57

Your parasitic alcoholic voice is powerless to make you do anything you have decided not to do. It doesn't sound to me as though you have decided to quit drinking yet. I say this because, well, drinking. You don't 'have to' drink because you get to choose not to.

Continuing to drink, is a bad thing for people like us - instead of giving us relief from anxiety and worry about things to come, it causes anxiety. Instead of giving us a break from depressing things in our lives and sadness over things that have already happened, it causes depression. The chemical that is alcohol physically causes these reactions in our bodies if we consume enough of it, and lordy there has been enough. Sitting and staring and weeping at the bottom of larger and larger bottles of cheaper and cheaper bottles of vodka has us stuck in the vortex, circling the drain.

The answer for me was to do the thing I needed to do in the now, in the present. The first thing next, in other words, and for me, that first thing was to never drink in this present moment. My other 'issues', and there were plenty, became easier to deal with once there was no more alcohol, ever. Many of them went away with the alcohol and haven't come back, like the depression and anxiety, the shame and guilt, and loss of self respect.

You can do this, Julie59, you can decide what you must do. You can decide and make your plan about continuing to use alcohol. Are you ready to make that plan?