countrysidegirl

Hi folks just checking in

Been 18 days since my last wobble almost a month...

Last night was bad, a real mind fxxk or battle
Everything was fine then my partner went to bed as he was done in,
Suddenly i felt like i had been abandoned , even though he was only up stairs i know this is from my BPD and i felt waves of dread and felt on edge...then the drinking voice kicked in, i checked the time it was 10.30 pm uk time...
The voice said if your quick you can call the cab firm who knows you to get some drink....
Then it went but there's no cash, hold on check the car money be in there..
I didn't pick the keys up i ignored these thoughts
Then more came...quick get a taxi the pubs are still open, then i thought no point i wont be able to buy any bottles and bring them home too expensive
I chained smoked yes still struggling here...
This went on and on for 40minuets it was exhausting and very frightening
I thought of my son and the 17 days sober and dragged myself to the shower
I felt somewhat better
I took my bpd medication, watched some only fools and horses and then crashed about 3am
But jeeze it was tough but i managed it....im dreading the next battle...lets hope i get through it again
Heres to day 18 I've done all the housework, prepared the chicken for dinner, son is happy on bioshock
Sorry to waffle on
Charlotte xxxxx

PurpleKnight

Great job Charlotte!! . . . hang in there!!

LBrain

good job on resisting. maybe time to start occupying your mind with other thoughts instead of just sitting there thinking about a drink?

countrysidegirl

I don't just sit there thank you very much i read i work part time i.exercise an hour a day so thanks for your useful comment
I.don't just sit maybe you should do something else instead of posting posts on this forum

southcoast67

hi Charlotte (if I may use your name)
Firstly, well done on getting through. It wouldn't be much of an addiction if it didn't cause 'wobbles' from time to time. I remember my wife going abroad for a week, I was 2 months sober at the time and I was having a constant argument with my AV the whole time she was away. It started when I dropped her off at the airport and by the end of the week I was climbing the walls. It wasn't important to me how I got through, just that I did.
Give yourself a pat on the back and remember this is all doable
Mark

HeadLump

You're doing great, Charlotte And every time you successfully banish a wobble, you get stronger

ForgetfulKevin

Sorry to read about the difficult struggle, but glad you got through it. Good job!

Dee74

I'm glad you beat that Charlotte - that voice always lies

Congratulations on 18 days

D

Hawkeye13

Well done.
Sobriety is in many ways a battle you win one step, one moment, one decision not to drink
at a time

countrysidegirl

thanks all

lost 6 pounds skin is glowing and I'm getting back into my fell running so the battles are worth it

cheers for all your comments

p.s brain no offence I was in a bitchy sensitive mood but believe me I don't sit thinking I need a drink I need a drink I do keep busy as best I can

charlotte

loveablelobster

That's brilliant, 18 days is great - I'm about the same as you. You've shown you can be really strong about it - remember that night if it happens again

huntingtontx

Congratulations on 18 days. You are doing great. The first month can be pretty rough at times, but you can do this. I am really proud of you. We are all here for you.

LBrain

when you are finished doing all of the things - you have quite a busy and full schedule - that fulfill your day, do your best to not think about drinking when your day is over and you are winding down.

ReadyAtLast

Great stuff Charlotte. congrats on day 18

J2911

Day 18....may I ask? Is this the first time you've quit? It is for me and only day 12. Just wondering? It's okay if you'd rather not share.

countrysidegirl

Hi J2911

No I've quit a few times last year for 7months and this is my third attempt this year but determined to get there im handling my mental health alot better and my emotions which is helping a great deal
I often used to self medicate with alcohol you see and then it bit me in the ass
Ask away im happy to answer any
Charlotte

Needinghelp82

Congratulations on day 18! I'm in the uk too, you're almost at day 19 a great achievement!

countrysidegirl

Thanks I'm on day 19 now....slowly Creeping bit by bit to a month...