Maribell

Im newly sober yet again. Very determined this time, I have so many positive things going in my life right now, drinking is a distant memory at this point, though it does rear its ugly head when im stressed. Which come to the point of my spouse. We have been together almost 22 years, alot of ups and downs revolving around addictions on both our parts ( me alcohol, him gambling). We had a talk the other day and i made it clear, no alcohol in the house, no drinking, this has got to go on his part, in order for him to support me. He agreed, done, moving forward, making serious changes. Well yesterday, super stressful day at work , thoughts of getting a bottle of wine to destress crossed my mind many times on the way home. I have come so far at this point, and didnt let the stupid voice in my head get the better of me. There is no way in hell ill go back. Sooooo i come home and BAM.. guess whos drinking. He said it was only a few beers, but one could tell. I feel betrayed, but also very hopeless at this point. After all these years, and after the talk , i really though he was going to support me by not drinking. Any other time i would have caved and gone out and gotten some booze. But this time it was like " whatever". You get to a point where you just dont care, and its strictly survival. Thats how i feel. Im to the point where mabye it would be for the best to just leave, because i dont think things will change. And this is my recovery , my survival. Im so conflicted right now!!!

FreeOwl

your recovery is entirely up to you.

lots of factors may conspire to work 'against' you.

having a spouse who is not acting in supportive ways is not at all helpful, certainly doesnt make things any easier.

but it sounds like he may have his own struggles in that department.

it may not be entirely within his control right now.

it probably has nothing to do with you at all... though I'm sure it feels like betrayal.

this might be a really good time to practice compassion.... you yourself know what it can be like to want one thing and do another....

maybe it is as hard for him as for you?

Whatever the case, empower yourself; YOU can do this regardless of his behavior. It doesn't mean you have to leave him. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you. It doesn't mean it'll be this way forever.

It's just that, right now, this is what is.

And you don't have to drink over it.

Hang in there.

TimidTulip

It's hard to tell from your post how much time had passed between your talk and when he drank - perhaps he thought you had it under control and his drinking would not affect you? Or perhaps he has a bit more of a problem with alcohol himself than previously thought.

Hold your head up high, you've already got through a huge challenge. And you are ready to take on the next one too. Keep at it, and well done for not caving in.

Maribell

Free Owl and Timid Tulip,, thank you for your kind words,, not alot of time has passed ,, sadly only a week. I will approach this situation with compassion as Free Owl suggested,, just as i am struggling with my own addictions,, i truly know he is too, and he has alot more than i . Ive been down this road before,, he has not. So i realize it is a huge adjustment for him, and i cant expect miracles overnite. I guess we will just have to work through the ups and downs and help eachother as much as we can. Perhaps i was being selfish,, thinking it was all about me, but with better understanding , it really is all about him as well. Two addicts trying to recover in the same house,, gonna be a gong show lol.. but i think we are both strong enough to do it. I thank god for this site,, and being able to talk and get insite from other people who have struggled as well. What a blessing.

DowntownNYC

I have found that it is very easy to find someone else to blame for my own temptations. In the past, this cycle of blame has led me back to the bottle, the proverbial cutting the nose to spite the face. I need to be strong enough to continue my recovery whether or not those I love choose to drink, since for the rest of my life there will be people I care about who choose to drink.

Johnsonsober22

Maribell, my support is still my Antabuse,, this is my 2 nd recovery 37 day, but I know no matter how bad I want too, I can't drink. And I plan to stay on it for at lest 10 more months..... Stay strong, you have to learn to live with people drinking alcohol in front of you, it's part of life..... Hang in there, it will be better

PurpleKnight

You gotta look after YOUR sobriety, that is what is important!! . . . it's a tough situation but you can get through this!!

Stoogy

You have to put yourself first, that is the first vital step to be made.

Nuudawn

Hi Maribell (and hey BC neighbor : )
I was really pleased to see your follow up post as I think that's the one with the winning attitude. You say your hubby also struggles with addictions so it's good you were able to step out of yourself after your vent. Venting is always good BTW! My father is a compulsive gambler and it destroyed his life just as much (if not more) than any substance abuse could. I think you might be dead before you drank your way through half a million dollars...especially if it was in a few short years.

I love Freeowl's response. As much as we need support, this is very much our path to hoe. Your first post was from fear...your second was from love. And the latter ALWAYS has far better energy.

Glad to be walking the path with ya.

Notmyrealname

I think it's important to make sure you're not setting yourself up for probable disappointment and anger. Those feelings aren't going to help you maintain sobriety, especially in the early times.

Assume that drinkers will continue to drink. Assume the world will go on, unchanged. Aspire high, expect little, plan for the worst but be open to the possibility of being pleasantly surprised. If we set realistic expectations about other people's cooperation and contribution from the get-go, it gives us a much better chance of staying even-keeled and grounded.

least

It's more difficult to stay sober around a spouse who drinks, but it's still possible. Do this for you.

Dee74

I think it's really important to have sober support and to use it.

Some spouses do drink - even when they promised not to - but a sober support network will always be there Maribell

Why not get more involved here on SR?
Join the Class of June thread?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-4.html
D