Finding the good in the bad.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Finding the good in the bad.
I was thinking today (hah! when DON'T I think? My thought faucet is on all the time..that's another story though) about what a horrible, god awful, nightmarish day I had yesterday...as some of you have read and know.
What I didn't focus on though, until today now that some of the trauma/stress/anxiety is slightly dying down (slightly!)..is that even though yesterday is going in the books for me as one of the worst days I have ever experienced...there were 3 good things that took place that I never even thought about til today.
1. After being sentenced, I was taken downstairs to custody to be strip searched and processed until I was going to the jail I am doing my time at. A lady cop actually came in, slipped me a piece of paper with her name, number and the 2 AA groups she attends. Told me she is 14mths sober and to use the number if I need it. I recognized her from upstairs, she was in the courtroom where I was sentenced. Pretty frikken cool! I WILL be using that number.
2. A friend went with me for support - even though I told my family, BF and friends nobody needed to go. I got myself in this mess, I will deal with it alone. She said no. And came anyways. and I am glad she did b/c she knew a girl we went to h/s with (a girl I would NOT have remembered had my friend not been there). Turns out this girl now works with women in the system as a Court Support Officer. She has been through the system herself and cleaned her act up and now is an advocate for them!!! INCREDIBLE. She came and talked to me after I was processed and I now have her info and she is able to further help me.
3. While sitting in that crappy, cold, stinky, dingy cell alone for hours...a girl was placed with me. I could tell she was scared too and looked outta place. So, obviously we started chatting b/c what else do you do in that situation? I made a new friend! B/C I knew she was going to be out and free WAY before me and I knew I was forgotten in that cell...she memorized my BF's number and called him for me to let him know that I was not going to be done by the time my lawyer said. She called this guy she doesn't know, for a girl she JUST met in a jail cell. And told him how awesome I was and that I was scared.
I have already called her today and thanked her and have made plans to see each other again soon.
It's funny, yesterday I had forgotten all that b/c I was SO wrapped up in the bad feelings...all the fear and anxiety that was enveloping me like a cold blanket. But today, after processing the day..slowly in my mind...these events stood out like a sore thumb.
So, great things CAN happen even under the worst circumstances.
We just need to be open and aware of them
thx for reading
What I didn't focus on though, until today now that some of the trauma/stress/anxiety is slightly dying down (slightly!)..is that even though yesterday is going in the books for me as one of the worst days I have ever experienced...there were 3 good things that took place that I never even thought about til today.
1. After being sentenced, I was taken downstairs to custody to be strip searched and processed until I was going to the jail I am doing my time at. A lady cop actually came in, slipped me a piece of paper with her name, number and the 2 AA groups she attends. Told me she is 14mths sober and to use the number if I need it. I recognized her from upstairs, she was in the courtroom where I was sentenced. Pretty frikken cool! I WILL be using that number.
2. A friend went with me for support - even though I told my family, BF and friends nobody needed to go. I got myself in this mess, I will deal with it alone. She said no. And came anyways. and I am glad she did b/c she knew a girl we went to h/s with (a girl I would NOT have remembered had my friend not been there). Turns out this girl now works with women in the system as a Court Support Officer. She has been through the system herself and cleaned her act up and now is an advocate for them!!! INCREDIBLE. She came and talked to me after I was processed and I now have her info and she is able to further help me.
3. While sitting in that crappy, cold, stinky, dingy cell alone for hours...a girl was placed with me. I could tell she was scared too and looked outta place. So, obviously we started chatting b/c what else do you do in that situation? I made a new friend! B/C I knew she was going to be out and free WAY before me and I knew I was forgotten in that cell...she memorized my BF's number and called him for me to let him know that I was not going to be done by the time my lawyer said. She called this guy she doesn't know, for a girl she JUST met in a jail cell. And told him how awesome I was and that I was scared.
I have already called her today and thanked her and have made plans to see each other again soon.
It's funny, yesterday I had forgotten all that b/c I was SO wrapped up in the bad feelings...all the fear and anxiety that was enveloping me like a cold blanket. But today, after processing the day..slowly in my mind...these events stood out like a sore thumb.
So, great things CAN happen even under the worst circumstances.
We just need to be open and aware of them
thx for reading
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by Jupiters 
So, great things CAN happen even under the worst circumstances. We just need to be open and aware of them thx for reading
thx for readingNot to be downer-ish but are you going to have to spend your weekends mostly alone in a cell? Or will you be transferred to a more social type area. Isolation just seems cruel.
Glad you made it through. Chin-up!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Wow, I am amazed (and yet, maybe not) by all the goodness that came into your life today. Today you got from the Universe, exactly what you needed. How cool is that!
Good for you for getting through this, Jup.
Good for you for getting through this, Jup.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by LeTheVerte
Thanks for writing this, Jupiters! Way to go.
Not to be downer-ish but are you going to have to spend your weekends mostly alone in a cell? Or will you be transferred to a more social type area. Isolation just seems cruel.
Glad you made it through. Chin-up!
Not to be downer-ish but are you going to have to spend your weekends mostly alone in a cell? Or will you be transferred to a more social type area. Isolation just seems cruel.
Glad you made it through. Chin-up!
I am not going to be kept in a cell all day
There is an open room with TV and books I heard....so I am hoping it won't be as bad as I think. Yesterday was the hard part, and that is done. I am not a **** disturber by any means and can generally get along with anyone, so will just go in, listen to the guards and stay away from any drama going on. And who knows, maybe...JUST MAYBE...I'll meet some other likeminded women there.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Great positive attitude Jupiters, I'm happy that in this crap of a situation, you were able to find a silver lining. I think you're going to do great. 
Please keep posting and keep us updated.
Please keep posting and keep us updated.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Jupiters,
Thank you for a powerful message. You can look back on this as the beginning of a beautiful life waiting out there. That's the way it worked for me under similar circumstances, ...but took several months to recognize it.
Keep the faith girl
Thank you for a powerful message. You can look back on this as the beginning of a beautiful life waiting out there. That's the way it worked for me under similar circumstances, ...but took several months to recognize it.
Keep the faith girl
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 306
So glad to hear this , J. Funny how if we just let go, what we need comes into our lives exactly when we need it!
I think it is because we have changed and can accept what has been there all along. Maybe this is what they mean by change the perspective?
At any rate, best of luck and keep the chin up.
I think it is because we have changed and can accept what has been there all along. Maybe this is what they mean by change the perspective?
At any rate, best of luck and keep the chin up.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Wow, Jupiters!
What a great post. You are my hero. Seriously. Being able to see good things amidst this situation.
My very best wishes and best positive vibes to you)
What a great post. You are my hero. Seriously. Being able to see good things amidst this situation.
My very best wishes and best positive vibes to you)
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Jupiters, being able to see the blessings in a difficult situation is really amazing. It's something that active alcoholics who are too self centered to see outside their little bubble world can't experience. You saw opportunities to make connections to people who can help set you on a sober path and you took them! You connected to another person who was afraid and offered her support. She, in turn, had the opportunity to be of service to you. I bet you that it made her feel good that she could help someone out who really needed it. Asking for help, accepting help and giving help are things that many alcoholics find difficult. You are already making wonderful steps in sobriety!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Your post does the heart good. I too am amazed at your wonderful glass half full silver linings. Even in the worst of situations...you found connection and community and were able to appreciate that.
Just wonderful
Just wonderful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
well, first weekend done. I'm not sure what to say. It was awful. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything BUT it to be that...but it really is everything you see/read/hear. I am grateful I have a job that was the reason I was able to do this weekends, b/c there is NO way I would have handled straight time, no way in hell.
The beds are concrete, the food is..I don't even know, the water tastes like pi$$. The guards are wretched with the odd nice one thrown in for good measure. Time passes the slowest I have ever experienced. I can see how people go crazy doing straight time, there is a whole lot of thinking time. Like a lot.
It's unfortunate, you aren't allowed to journal or anything...so the thoughts just fly around in your head with nowhere to write them down. By the time I was done at 5pm yesterday I had reached a new level of humility and pure exhaustion/hunger.
Luckily, no major crap went down this first weekend. I almost saw a fight go down but it didn't...some women are rough as hell around the edges, in and out of the system. I learned very quickly to stay away from the drama. At least I know now what to expect (somewhat) the rest of my time. There are a few women in there much like me. Scared.
Man, I need to see a chiro! LOL...but one down....5 to go. now, off to work! thank god tomorrow is a holiday here. I wish it were today!!!! hahah
The beds are concrete, the food is..I don't even know, the water tastes like pi$$. The guards are wretched with the odd nice one thrown in for good measure. Time passes the slowest I have ever experienced. I can see how people go crazy doing straight time, there is a whole lot of thinking time. Like a lot.
It's unfortunate, you aren't allowed to journal or anything...so the thoughts just fly around in your head with nowhere to write them down. By the time I was done at 5pm yesterday I had reached a new level of humility and pure exhaustion/hunger.
Luckily, no major crap went down this first weekend. I almost saw a fight go down but it didn't...some women are rough as hell around the edges, in and out of the system. I learned very quickly to stay away from the drama. At least I know now what to expect (somewhat) the rest of my time. There are a few women in there much like me. Scared.
Man, I need to see a chiro! LOL...but one down....5 to go. now, off to work! thank god tomorrow is a holiday here. I wish it were today!!!! hahah
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Maybe now that you know the drill you will become more or less braced for it every weekend. The unknown--and then the initial unfolding of hell is always the worst part.
Without a journal, you might become adept of "praying without ceasing," as St. Paul put it. That builds great patience and depth.
If nothing else, your ability to endure without complaining will be greatly enhanced!
Without a journal, you might become adept of "praying without ceasing," as St. Paul put it. That builds great patience and depth.
If nothing else, your ability to endure without complaining will be greatly enhanced!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Jupiters
Thanks guys for all your wonderful replies! what a nice start to my day!That's exactly how my brain feels today!
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