TTT333

Hey there. Every morning when I wake up, I instantly feel like I'm going to vomit if I even move slightly. So when I can muster up enough strength to move without puking, I take some Ativan or Clonazepam, or sometimes both. I usually doze back off for a bit, but I feel like I still need to vomit. The only thing that makes me feel like not vomiting anymore is drinking alcohol. If I drink alcohol, I feel absolutely fine (if I can manage to keep it down.)

Now my dilemma is really this: I am an extreme Agoraphobic. Sometimes it is even hard for me to make it to my own kitchen. I made some telephone calls and am put on a waiting list for detox, but I simply cannot leave the house. I go into immediate panic mode.

Has anyone else ever suffered through a situation like this, and if so, what was done to resolve?

Thanks

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum TTT333!!

I have no experience with this condition, so hopefully there might be others that could give some specific advice!!

I do know though that alcohol is not the answer to very much in life, short term maybe, but as longterm solutions go, it only creates more problems in my experience.

TTT333

Well, thanks for replying. I appreciate it.

TTT333

I think also, a point worth adding is that my will power is in tact. I stopped drinking and taking benzos for 5 days earlier this month. I suffered through all of the withdrawal symptoms, and yes, of course it was hell. My compass was pointing north, and nothing (I thought nothing) could take that away from me. On the 5th day I fell into a seizure, and now I've been even more riddled with paralyzing anxiety that if I stop I could die.

I'm 23 years old, and I feel like I am going to die. I'm almost sure of it.

I've also vomited and defecated blood a number of times.

PurpleKnight

Have you been to see a doctor? . . . those are not normal things for the body to be doing!!

Plus withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous, I think you really need to check in with a Dr and run all this past someone for some medical advice!!

TTT333

No word of a lie, I can barely make it to my own kitchen on some days that's how far my agoraphobia has become. I cannot get into vehicles, I can't even walk down the street.

alphaomega

My heart goes out to you.

I, too, suffered from extreme agorophobia when I was 23. It has ebbed and flowed throughout my life. I'm 44 now and I have to say with all sincerity that had I discovered around the clock drinking, I would have been dead years ago.

Have you attempted any sort of treatment for it ?

Raider

I'm sorry I don't know. I have the opposite problem, too much drink and I vomit.

TTT333

I tried counselors and stuff, but I need to be blitz every time I see them, otherwise I simply cannot leave the house. One counselor was willing to come and see at home for a while, but we've been out of touch. I really want to go to rehab, but I just can't leave the house. I'd be able to go for a day, because I'd be drunk. And then like I said, I'd literally run back to my own house and lock myself in my room. I don't know what to do and I'm very scared.

StarDust123

if you do one right thing, make it engaging with a doctor. like, yesterday!

Anna

My suggestion is to put in a phone call to your dr and explain the problem exactly.

Medication and therapy can both be helpful in dealing with agoraphobia. I know it's hard, but living in your room forever can't be very appealing.

Notimetoloose

Hi TTT333, welcome, it is wonderful you are here.
One of my dearest friends suffered from severe agoraphobia for many years. She found relief with a medication and gave up alcohol. She is now of the medication and doing so well.
Does your doctor come to you?...

alphaomega

I never knew this at the worst of my Agorophobia, but alcohol makes it unimaginably worse.

Unimaginably WORSE.

I know exactly what you are feeling. I barely left the house for almost 2 years. Those, not coincidentally, were the worst of my drinking as well.

Might I ask, what is those longest you have been without drink and how long ago ?

TTT333

17 days last summer.

5 days, 2 weeks ago (leading into seizure/shock)

Before agoraphobia hit me hard, I was not drinking all the time. I was going out on weekends with my friends, maybe drinking a bit too much at times, normal 20 year old kind of partying (at least normal from where I am from (Canada).)

I was walking down the street one day, and I had recently went to a party with a cousin of mine. We go onto talking about the subject of family, and he started to cry. I asked him if it had to with sexuality and I suddenly I remembered my uncle doing some sexual stuff with me. Apparently my cousin got the bulk of it. So it was two days before Christmas this year, and I was walking down the street when suddenly I dropped to my knees and started crying, and then pure panic hit me. I was so worried that my uncle would be at the family dinner that I knew I could not go (was not ready to face him). And I also knew that if I didn't go, everyone would get really upset with me. I literally started running, and it took me two hours to share the feeling. I eventually made it to a friends house and asked him for a drink to get out of this feeling. When I finally got drunk I felt better. I've been drinking pretty heavily since then. Not everyday, but at least every other day. For the last two weeks since my seizure moments, I've been traumatized and fear having another. That night, I did see a doctor. He told me that I had a seizure, and that my pulse was 185. I signed myself out of the hospital, simply because I knew that I would panic when I woke up if I was anywhere put my own bed. That was probably a very poor decision, but the agoraphobia kills me, and it never goes away. Even if I stop having a panic attack, the next one is just minutes away.

smadams11

hi, im sure this isnt going to help but thought id put my 2 cents in.
i was agoraphobic a few years ago (although not to the extreme that you have it). it was bad enough that my young baby didnt get his baby milk for a few hours one day while i mustered up the courage (helped by alcohol) to leg it to the shop. i wouldnt go to any appointments either so i ended up having 2 home-births.
in all honesty, the only thing that got me out of the house was my partner. first he dragged me kicking and screaming to the car, but i refused to get out of the car and go anywhere! after a while he got me in shops etc but i still hate it. i feel so smothered, there is too much noise, its too busy, im not safe outside of my home.
even now, i still stay in the house most of the time, although i can go out occasionally if the kids/partner are with me. im too afraid still to even walk to the end of the driveway on bin day. i literally cannot remember the last time i went anywhere alone-i have always been with my partner/mom/sister or kids(now that they are old enough to talk-i didnt go out alone with them before that).
i remember well how terrified i was. all i can say is you need someone to support you through this. having someone you trust (and enjoy spending time with-laughter and gabbing can help) with you when you go out will make all the difference. small steps. get used to the kitchen first. sending you my best xxx

desypete

any medical conditions you have my friend are best seen by a medical expert like your dr

i was at a stage with my drinking were i locked myself up in the flat, funny enough i only came out when i needed booze but had to be drunk to get out. the fear and paranoia i had was huge i would be sick when i would wake up but only to get another drink inside of me
my sides were hurting and i know somthing wasnt working right inside of me as the pain was getting worse

i stupidly gave up without seeing a dr as its dangerous to just stop drinking if your body is used to it keeping it alive like mine was

when i got past day 4 of the shakes i contacted aa and from there i never looked back and got out of the mess i was in

but please go and see your dr as to me it sounds like its a must
good luck to you

TTT333

Thank you very much for that reply. I believe it would be very helpful for me to have someone, but I am always alone. My parents left the scene along time ago, and now they think I'm 23, so I'm no longer a concern to them. I've spoken with both of them, but I get absolutely no support or help.

I'm not even sure why I want it so badly from my parents, because they weren't exactly model parents. But I think somehow, when I was kid, my dad just planted a seed in my brain that blossomed into some sort of tree, and no matter what I do, I feel like I'm trying to make HIM happy.

And I know, most people will say "Live for you, make you happy", but it really isn't that cut and dry. There is certainly an emptiness in regards to my parents that I may be filling up directly with alcohol and anxiety.

smadams11

i was extremely lucky to find my partner. i was agoraphobic and traumatised at the time we met but my dad made me feel i was turning into a spinster (at 18!) so i thought i better get a boyf.
my mom had started dating this guy, who had a son so i gave him my number (only guy around, plus cute) and we got together like that. my mom is now married to his dad so technically we are step siblings (i know.....)
is there no one in your life? -how do you shop? do you work/study? any family at all? friends?
also, i cant really relate to your feelings about your parents as i have always been of the opinion that its my life so they can bog off, but i can empathise with what you are saying there. the over-whelming feeling that you need to please a particular person and make them proud. to that i can only say, if thats how your dad/parents have made you feel then they have the problem and you really owe it to yourself to try to move past it. x

alphaomega

Yes, I was the "model" child as well. Searching for love and approval and trying in earnest to be everything to them.

It just about killed me.

I was 20 ish, normal partying for that age, smoked a little pot occasionally and drank, more than my friends, but still within college society norms.

It sounds like you would benefit tremendously from detox and therapy.

TTT333

I used to study Computer Science at Dalhousie university before anxiety struck. The only friends I have are basically alcoholics themselves, so I get them to pick up everything that I need (alcohol, food, soap, etc.) I currently do not work because I simply cannot, so I receive medical pension from the government for depression/anxiety (disability.) I do have a girlfriend, but she drinks a lot, and we seem to be living very separate lives instead of lives together. It's strange at times. Like, for example we have not had sex in over two months, but we sleep together. She does her thing and I do mine.

I do have a sister that helps, but she's much younger and to young to really understand or be helpful.

I think because of my depression I've my last my libido. I simply have no sex drive, and therefor choose to not have sex.