32 days today! Checking in.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
32 days today! Checking in.
Hello my SR friends 
I’ve barely been posting lately, life has been insanely busy for the last while. (My self-centered alcoholic brain likes to think that some of you have noticed this.... when in reality I’m sure that is not the case... LOL!)
During my last & most recent attempt at “controlled drinking” I joined a sports team and met a whole bunch of awesome, “normie” women. Side note - this gave me the thought that “maybe I can hang around these new, normal drinking friends, & learn how to balance my life & drink normal like them”. (That failed.) But anyways, this sports thing has been keeping me crazy busy and mentally/physically/emotionally occupied for the last 32 days. We almost made it to the National Finals in our league! Was pretty exciting. But now the season is over, and it’s back to real life & time to put a better bigger focus on my recovery efforts.
Emotionally/mentally I guess I’m doing OK – better. The severe depression I was living in 32 days ago has subsided. I’m still anxious and fearful much of the time, but I don’t feel totally hopeless or constantly terrified. I haven’t woken up once in the last 32 days in agony, or intense regret and disgust for my actions the night before. I also haven’t blacked out or forgotten anything I’ve done. How awesome is that?!?!
I know from past experiences.... This is the time when I need to be the most careful and vigilent, because all of a sudden I have forgotten just how bad a hangover feels, how awful I really do act when I consume alcohol, how intense the depression and anxiety and craving and obsessing can be. I need to remind myself of these things on a daily basis, so I don't start to get cocky or think "maybe it wasn't really that bad...".
I also need to be finding healthy & positive ways to fill in my gaps of time right now, starting today with re-committing myself to SR. I have an extremely busy sponsor who I’m lucky if I get to see once every two weeks it seems, and SR has always been a great support for me in the past.
I’ve missed you guys Glad to be back & re-committed!
I’ve barely been posting lately, life has been insanely busy for the last while. (My self-centered alcoholic brain likes to think that some of you have noticed this.... when in reality I’m sure that is not the case... LOL!)During my last & most recent attempt at “controlled drinking” I joined a sports team and met a whole bunch of awesome, “normie” women. Side note - this gave me the thought that “maybe I can hang around these new, normal drinking friends, & learn how to balance my life & drink normal like them”. (That failed.) But anyways, this sports thing has been keeping me crazy busy and mentally/physically/emotionally occupied for the last 32 days. We almost made it to the National Finals in our league! Was pretty exciting. But now the season is over, and it’s back to real life & time to put a better bigger focus on my recovery efforts.
Emotionally/mentally I guess I’m doing OK – better. The severe depression I was living in 32 days ago has subsided. I’m still anxious and fearful much of the time, but I don’t feel totally hopeless or constantly terrified. I haven’t woken up once in the last 32 days in agony, or intense regret and disgust for my actions the night before. I also haven’t blacked out or forgotten anything I’ve done. How awesome is that?!?!
I know from past experiences.... This is the time when I need to be the most careful and vigilent, because all of a sudden I have forgotten just how bad a hangover feels, how awful I really do act when I consume alcohol, how intense the depression and anxiety and craving and obsessing can be. I need to remind myself of these things on a daily basis, so I don't start to get cocky or think "maybe it wasn't really that bad...".
I also need to be finding healthy & positive ways to fill in my gaps of time right now, starting today with re-committing myself to SR. I have an extremely busy sponsor who I’m lucky if I get to see once every two weeks it seems, and SR has always been a great support for me in the past.
I’ve missed you guys
Glad to be back & re-committed!
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Mrrryah!! So good to see you again!
Congrats on your 32 days sober! That's amazing!
I'm sorry you are having some anxiety/fearfulness issues. Have you chatted with your doctor about it?
So wonderful to have you back!
Congrats on your 32 days sober! That's amazing!
I'm sorry you are having some anxiety/fearfulness issues. Have you chatted with your doctor about it?
So wonderful to have you back!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,440
congrats on 32 days! I've had my own attempts... more like face plants at moderation. Glad you are sober and still here! People do seem to fade off of SR at times and I wonder if they are relapsing or just moving on with life.
Good to hear from you and to know that you're well on track 
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