Freedom18

Six months ago, I met this guy who worked right next door to me. I had a feeling that we were gonna hit it off. I later found out that he was living at a halfway house and was 4 months clean (from heroine and crack) But things were always perfect. He had to sleep there during the week but on the weekends he would sleep with me. We were together almost every single day, and if we weren't, he would get weird. Things ended up getting pretty serious and I fell in love with him. I was so proud of him and his sobriety I made sure to tell him every single day. He soon graduated the program he was in and was living with me most of the time or back at his house. Then, about a month ago, out of nowhere, he told me that he thought things were moving too fast and that he wanted to be friends and that he needed some space. I basically said no, cause I couldn't see myself being in a room with him not being able to act on the true feelings I had. I later found out that he had relapsed and the "space" he needed was just so he could go do drugs without having to worry about me. After two or three days we were back together. And he was bad on his road to recovery. We were better than we were the first time. A couple times he had convinced me to dabble a little here and there, which I completely regret and wish I never did. But he made me feel like if I didn't, that he would leave me again. Everything was perfect. He kept telling me how he wouldn't know what to do if he ever lost me again, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. That no woman has ever made him feel like I do. Within 24 hours of him loving and adoring me. It was the same story all over again. He needed "space" and that he didn't know what he wanted. I thought that this was just gonna be another hiccup and it was all going to be okay. But then I found out that he was in contact with his ex girlfriend who did drugs with him and even got them both put in jail almost a year ago. He told me that they were nothing that he just wanted to catch up with her. But then I found out he was telling her that me and him were never even together. I don't know this whole thing just blew up and no one really has any answers for me. I asked him about 5 days ago if he 100% didn't want to be together anymore and he said he didn't know that he didn't know what he wanted. He was on drugs during this conversation. So I left him alone for 5 days thinking that it would blow over that of course he would come running back to me cause he realized he needed me. 5 days goes by and i found out he's dating his ex girlfriend again. I couldn't help but freak out even though I probably shouldn't have. He told me once again that he wasn't with her, and I told him the honest truth that I really was going to wait and give him the space in hopes that he would come back. He told me to move on with my life already. He told me that he needs to get his head straight he can't be in a relationship. He said that's he's trying to recover again and that he can't worry about me right now. But he was very aggressive too not really upset like me. I'm just completely lost and heart broken. Before he just needed space and I feel like I just ruined it completely. And now it's really over for good. But the whole time he kept contradicting what he was saying.. He would say you're the best thing that ever happened to me to saying I need to find what's best for me. Everyone just keeps telling me to be patient that it will all work out.
He doesn't have any family support. His mom is an addict too and gives him pills here and there, she gave him klonopin the first time and that's why he relapsed before, and he lives with her. It's just all a disaster and as ignorant as I may sound, I don't want to lose him. He truly is amazing when he's himself.. and treated me great. So where should I go from here?

suki44883

I think you should move on. This is not a healthy relationship. He's seeing his ex and has told you he needs space from you. You can't say no to that. He's free to see whomever he wants. All of this is in addition to the fact that he is again an active addict.

When someone is pulling away from you, let them go.

You deserve better.

doggonecarl

I'd agree with your ex-boyfriend. Move on. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but you need to put some time and space between you and your addict before you realize that you've dodged a bullet in not having to travel any further down the crazy road of addiction...

Janis

We're addicts and using addicts will lie, steal and do lots of things that they wouldn't do normally. I know I have and I'm not proud of it but I've done shameful things in addiction. You can't rely on him maintaining his sobriety and although he's great when he's sober it's up to him to be sober. It's recommended that you don't date for the first year of recovery for a reason. When you have to get sober you need to do it for yourself and our brains aren't right. It took us years to get to where we are and it will take years for us to heal. Our brains are healing themselves from years of abuse and that can create a lot of different problems. (PAWS)

I know it's difficult but you should move on. You are getting into a whirlwind and it will drag you down with it. The person you met originally might never come back or might but be different. Save yourself and find someone who doesn't have addiction problems. I know this isn't what you want to hear but coming from an addict you should stear clear.

Ruby2

I know you don't want to hear this but you will heal. this guy is not wonderful and amazing. he is bad news. he convinced you to try drugs. he hurt you. I am married to an addict. he is sober now but I am always waiting for the relapse. You may love this guy. it hurts when things end but he has done you a favor in breaking it off. It is a blessing in disguise. Hang in there. It does get better.

ReadyAtLast

I think you should move on. He has told you to move on.You can't force someone to be with you. He sounds like bad news and you would be in for a life of heartache,pain,lies,infidelity and trauma if you stayed with him. I know it hurts but it really is a lucky escape.Nothing in your post sounds like it was perfect at all.

Maybe look at some counselling for you. It comes across as you want to rescue/ cure him. You deserve a man who loves,respects and cares for you.

pl3bscheese

Men don't need, "space". He manipulated you. You took it and continue to take it. Looks like it's been a few weeks since this thread was started. I hope you left him and have moved on with your life.

Aellyce

Your boyfriend reminds me of myself as a heavy drinker. I don't know how many times I told people (lovers, friends, family) that I needed space and thinking time alone. Well, the "alone" wasn't a lie most of the time, I spent it in intimate 1:1 connection with the bottle. And with crazy online adventures. Yes, occasionally also hooking up with exes that I could drink with the way I liked to drink. I even made an elaborate "philosophical" construct from my messed up life that involved ideas of "freedom" and that "restricting someone else is unacceptable". An addict and their freedom... how *** is that?

I also got quite a few people hooked on me and my miserable thinking and life. They said all sorts of things, how fascinating, intriguing, one-of-a-kind person I was... seriously, people can get addicted to destructiveness. Don't do that, don't stay in this limbo. He may change in the future, or he may not. You cannot predict or influence that. There are many great and healthy-minded men who would be much more worthy of your attention. I also suggest that you move on and not stay stuck more with his push/pull behavior.