ForgetfulKevin

My sympathies to spouses, partners, children, parents, relatives, employers, health-care providers and friends of alcoholics.

I can't imagine the frustration, anger and despair of non-addicts who have to deal with one of us who have fallen into alcoholism and seem unwilling to get out of the trap.

The past few days I had to withdraw or disengage a little from SR because I found myself getting riled and spending too much mental time and energy on some threads and posts where there didn't seem to be much interest in either sobriety or recovery, or where there might have been some sincere interest at first until the crazy kicked in and all reasonable suggestions kept getting dismissed.

I just had to "hold my tongue" so to speak so some vicious snark didn't fire out of my typing fingers. I'm sure it would have been futile, unhelpful and possibly harmful or destructive in some cases, so the better course was to say or type nothing.

I suppose this is a lesson in something or other that I'm working through.

My sympathies also to fellow alcoholics who have to deal with the horror of being the rational observer and the crazy self-poisoner in the course of the same day.

P.S. -- I don't mean to give anyone or their AV any excuses by mentioning "the crazy" in the post above.

KAD

Understand completely. I get frustrated at times, too, even with myself when I've been too hardheaded to just do something! As an old boss of mine used to say, "Do something even if it's wrong!" I wouldn't advise that, but you get the point.

DoubleDragons

Thank you, Kevin. Honestly, it hurts to admit this, but my mom's downward spiral in her untreated alcoholism has been somewhat of a blessing to me in terms of my own sobriety. It certainly strengthens my resolve and helps me to empathize with the helplessness, anger and despair, the people who love us feel when we are active alcoholics. In my experience, active alcoholism brings out the absolute worst in us, but recovering alcoholics are among the best people I have ever encountered in my life. So, when we work on recovering, we have the blessing to become our absolute best selves!

IOAA2

Hi. Frustration is part of the recovery system I feel. Over the years in the program much has been discussed because our desire is to help another alcoholic obtain sobriety and it’s at times a no win situation. An old sponsor used to say a successful 12th step call is when the sober ones on it walk away sober. Another one that is quite accurate I think is “ We expect the sick to act well.”

BE WELL

Nonsensical

I definitely have to step back from time to time. My hat is off to the mods and admins who can come here day in and day out and keep an even keel.

Ruby2

I've found myself doing the same thing. Step awaaay from the thread. Everyone is welcome and everyone must find a way but it is frustrating and sad to read relapse after relapse post.

You are doing well it sounds and that is a very good thing.

MrBen

It can be disheartening but for me it was kind of helpful. I relapsed more times than I care to count until it stuck (touch wood). So for me the relapse posts meant that what I was experiencing was normal. That everybody falls but what defines them is if they get back up.
So I tried again, and again, and again. One day everything clicked.

PurpleKnight

I can relate to what DoubleDragons said, I've also gotten to experience both sides of the fence, my dad was an alcoholic, so I attended Al-anon and Alateen when I was younger, I then sadly spiralled into alcoholism myself.

With regards SR threads, I would say we all should only take on what we can, first and foremost our own Sobriety is the paramount consideration, becoming frustrated over a thread is going to serve very little purpose, so deciding which threads to become involved in can be important.

Personally, at times I do like the more complex threads, in the evenings when I'm not doing much, I can get involved and pass some time responding and helping others, however in the mornings it can be more of a struggle without having my first coffee of the day in me, it all depends on what I can give back to others at a particular part in my own day!!

Nuudawn

I think the title of your thread says it all..
Alcoholics can be frustrating...
and the catch-22 is....
low frustration tolerance is inherent to addiction...

Good for you for knowing when to step away. I know I have had to do it myself....historically.
Then lo and behold, I too found myself being part of the very problem I had aired frustration to via PM to another member only days before.

Irony? Coincidence? I have no freaking idea.

desypete

i think this site is a great lesson for me to try to learn acceptance of others

if you read things you dont agree with like i do many times its far easyer to give in to the temptation to set them right or react

the trick is to know its just a reaction as there not doing what we want them to do or believe in things we believe
so we can label them sick as it makes us believe we are not sick lol
i am a lot less sicker than i once was is how i call myself just so long i never believe i am perfect as i never will be

so try to take people with a pinch of salt and if you dont agree with somthing think long and hard before making a post
type it out and re read it to make sure your not reacting out of hurt feelings or pride

far easier to do that, than to have to say sorry for our actions : )

but its a learning curve like all things

ultradad

I get frustrated as well, I just want to grab some people and bang their heads together and say, "REALLY, REALLY, you think you can go to that party at a bar with 5 days sober and you'll be fine" or insert any of the crazy ideas some have that I've read on here. The problem is, that was me not too long ago. This disease would convince me every-time that my brilliant ideas were great indeed. I read the other day that we should never stand between an alcoholic and their last drink! That really spoke to me...

This disease is trying to kill us and my heart aches at those who take it so lightly, but I was one that did the same for so many years. The Big Book say's that some are sicker than others and I was a real sick one. I now couple my frustration with acceptance and prayer. We can share our experience, strength and hope, but that's about as far as we can go most times.

I have thought of forced interventions for a few though : )

desypete

thats because you care for them hence like many of us we want to try to protect them from the pain we went through
but than can you imagine me coming up to you when you was drinking and trying to save you from the damage you will end up doing ?

it just can never work no matter how much we can see what is going to happen to others, all we can do is just be there for when anyone needs our help
i like many when i first got sober wanted to change the world and drag everyone out of the pubs or clubs and into aa to save them lol

i soon learned as i always do when i have a good idea : )

wolfpackfan45

Watching my son deal with alcoholism has been the most anguishing thing I've ever had to do. As a parent, you're programmed to help your children when they're sick, but that can actually be a detriment to an alcoholic. Learning how to step away and let him deal with it was the most difficult thing for me. Watching him ruin his life when he was drinking was heartbreaking. I will say though that I've learned more and seen more healing in my family through his addiction struggles than I have in any other situation our family has encountered. I thoroughly believe that those who have gone through the fire can come out better people if they do what they need to do. With almost 2 years sobriety under his belt, my son is a stronger, more compassionate human being. He knows what matters and what doesn't in this life. Our family is closer for it, and we admire his courage and hard work. I have a whole new attitude towards addiction now, thanks to our journey. It's changed our lives in so many ways, many of which are good. They petty things so mny other people worry about just don't matter to our family anymore. alcohol isn't a joke, and it grieves me to hear the majority of the people in my country make it out to be a "fun" thing. They laugh at the "drunk" at the party and accept the fact that their teenagers are doing shots at 15 as a "rite of passage". That rited of passage almost cost my son his life in college. It grieves my heart.

afloatsober

Kevin
Totally understand.
If that stuff makes us mad it has also given me some appreciation of how my loved ones must have felt for years!!!
I have to remind myself that love and tolerance have to be my bywords when i read some 'accounts' on here.
Sometimes i find it easier just not reading them to be honest....
I think when this illness has taken you to deaths door, you would just love to think that you can use that experience to persuade others not to take it there.
I does not work that way.
They have to find their own way.
And that we are all in the gravest peril if we don't stop.
Oh heck, if everyone would just listen to me the world would be fine and dandy.... LOL
G