Understand

Hi, just joined. I'm engaged to an alcoholic we have two kids together the babies are 2 and 4 months. I have two from a previous marriage as does he. He is not ready to stop his drinking. I love him dearly but wonder what the hell I'm doing. He's a great dad but I can't go back to work as I just can't trust him with the kids. When he's drunk he bullies the older ones and neglects the babies. I want to support him but don't know how. I end up telling him the home truths he needs which just sparks arguments which upset the kids even more if anyone has advise for me please

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Understand!!

My advice is your priority is you and the kids, addiction can't be dealt with unless the addict is willing to change, and from your story he doesn't sound ready to change, you can hint and comment on his drinking but at the end of the day he needs to make the changes.

In the meantime you need to look after you and your family, SR is great for support, but there is also Al-anon for family/friends of alcoholics.

Be safe!!

Hevyn

Welcome Understand. I'm glad you reached out for some help.

Please check out our Friends & Family of Alcoholics forum too - many have been through this same situation.

I've been on both sides of this thing & I know how complicated it is. I learned that despite our best efforts, we can't make them stop. They must see for themselves what it's doing to their life & seek help. I don't mean to sound discouraging. I hope you'll keep reading and posting here. You're not alone.

Understand

Thanks for your reply,a I-anon I have looked up and they meet once a week not too far from me. Could I take my babies with me as I have no family to look after them for me. Also does it cost any thing to go there as I don't have much money either.

Hevyn

(Purpleknight beat me to it about the other forum. )

Understand

I'm overwhelmed by how many people responded so quickly this is the first time I've ever asked for help and I'm a little emotional that complete strangers can be there to listen.

PurpleKnight

There's no fees to go to Al-anon, depending on the group they might have a small voluntary collection towards rent of the room etc, but you don't need to contribute anything if you can't afford anything.

With kids, some groups have different rules compared to others, I'd phone ahead and check if it's ok, I've been to both types, some with, some without young children.

Anna

We really do understand how hard this is, and I'm glad you've reached out.

Understand

Thanks purple knight I will call and see. Also thanks for pointing me to the family support page I've just posted on there too.