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Old 06-23-2014, 05:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Why some leave and then what happens


A few months ago, someone asked what happens to people that disappear from the forums. I can't remember what the responses were. I disappeared shortly thereafter.

For me, I left because I was good and sober. I had 30 days or so under my belt. I didn't think I needed the forums anymore, and I guess I didn't think I had anything to add.

Well, after being sober for a while, and away from the forums and all help, I did the one GD thing everyone says not to do. I started questioning if I even have a problem, and took a drink. Just one.

First I had one or two on a weekend. Then one or two during the week. Then one or two every day. Then three or four everyday. et cetera ad infinitum.

So, here I am again. I feel like crap physically and mentally. Defeated and guilty.

I'm sharing this for those of you who may be asking the same question I did: whether you really needed to stop in the first place. Well, my advice is to trust your initial instincts.

For me, now it's even harder to stop. So now I need to get some professional help through my company's EAP.

I should have just stuck to my guns.

Good luck everyone.
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Old 06-23-2014, 05:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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don't beat yourself up!! you're human and fighting a battle that isn't easily won.
but you're back and posting AND seeking help.

so give yourself some credit for that.

welcome back
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Old 06-23-2014, 06:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by TheMiddlePath View Post
Well, my advice is to trust your initial instincts. For me, now it's even harder to stop. So now I need to get some professional help through my company's EAP [...] I should have just stuck to my guns.
Hey MP - welcome back, albeit on such circumstances. Thanks for the advice. I'm 2 months into this thing and I take *all* advice to heart. The need to get help from those around you can be the biggest blessing in disguise IMHO. My experience is that although we can all go about life alone, we cannot necessarily do it well.

Here's to living life well. Best wishes and I am cheering you on.

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Old 06-23-2014, 06:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I know exactly what you mean.
I had 14 months back in 2007 and decided to "manage".
Then the progression back to drinking heavy again only took a couple months.
Last year I put the bottle down for good.Couple more days and it will be 11 months.
You can do it as well,you learned like I did that once sober,stay that way.
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Old 06-23-2014, 06:09 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Sounds like my story. I stopped coming here after some time sober, as well. Felt convinced I finally had this thing licked and didn't really need this site anymore. Even if all I was doing was reading, I did need to be reminded of the countless times I failed when I got too confident and thought I could moderate again. I need to be reminded of that more than anything else: moderation is no longer possible for me! It's where I've gotten tripped up every single time.
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Old 06-23-2014, 06:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome back MP, hopefully your one of the lucky ones.
Unfortunately what happened to the thinking problem and its results are way too common with people who don’t want to be an alcoholic for whatever reasons. I’ve conditioned myself to truly believe that I can not drink alcohol in safety and that worked for me for a long time.

BE WELL
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WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I quit drinking about seven months ago following a 4-year spell of heavy drinking. Prior to that spell, I had been a teetotaler for over 30 years.

I find it easiest to stay away from alcohol if: 1) I define myself as a teetotaler first and foremost and; 2) structure my life in such a way that I seldom think about drinking. Right now, I need a daily reminder (24 hour club) that I can never be a "social" drinker; I don't think I always will.

As time goes by, I think less and less about drinking and need fewer reminders of my lack of an off switch. For now, visiting this forum helps me keep in mind the dangers of taking a single drink. But, eventually, I suspect, I'll reach a point where coming here makes me think of drinking when doing so would not have otherwise occurred to me. When I get to that point, I will leave this forum with great gratitude for the help it provided me in early sobriety.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome back!!

SR serves to constantly remind me daily of all the things my mind might try to spin in a good light!!
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:19 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome back.
I too was one who "went away"...
And I'm back also.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks for the message from "out there" TMP and I'm glad you're back.

I used to hear people in the AA rooms say to put as much time into your recovery as you did into drinking. I was a daily drinker & drank about 10 hours a day for the last couple of years. No way was I going to do that!

Now I realize that it's not that you "should" put that kind of time into recovery, or have to, or it's the "right" way -- it's what I need to do to stay sober. My brain needs serious reprogramming and it's not going to happen without effort and time.

SR is a great tool and I frequently repeat the advice Windancer gave me when I was new here: post post post!
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You done the right thing and came back! I also picked up after 2 years of sobriety, same thing, I stopped being around others like me and boom I started to think I was cured.

You said "For me, now it's even harder to stop", isn't that the truth, just as hard if not harder to get back on track, but I am on day 3.
You can start over too, I know after 30 days you may think 1, 2, 3 days or a week isn't much, but it is the start to a better life.

This stuff is brutal but at least we can use it as a tool the next time we start to think were cured.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Man is the only animal that trips twice over the same stone. ' ,

All of the cliches in the world, or wise sayings etc. will never mean anything to the addicted individual until they learn it for themselves. And too often it takes many attempts at trying to change the inevitable outcome. Then we are right back to square one again. And again. And again.

If one has a good reason to stop drinking then later thinks that reason no longer applies, that one is fooling himself. Call it denial, call it whatever you wish. If you needed to stop, then you need to never start it again.

It was always said that death and taxes are the only certainties of life. The people who use that little saying never knew an alcoholic who thought he could drink again.

Thanks for posting this TMP.

Don't let this be you.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:37 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My brain needs serious reprogramming and it's not going to happen without effort and time.
Thank you courage. I think we forget that very important little nugget. We have how many years or reaching for a drink for every bump in the road, reason to celebrate or to just kill time we don't know what to do with.

You don't have it licked if you can stay sober..1 month..six months..one year. We have some serious, serious re-wiring to do. It's gotta take years at least.
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hmmm...Lbrain..in reference to your attachment.
It's a bit harsh in the case of addiction.
If you fail the first time...you're a lost cause?
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Old 06-23-2014, 07:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome back!

Thanks for a SUPER important post.

I'm 3+ years sober and I know that my happy life is contingent on staying that way.

Also, I'd like to say that, for me, when people disappear, I worry about them and hope they are safe and well.

This site has made me realize how deeply meaningful the Prodigal Son (& Daughter) story is to me. As long as there's life, there's hope for something better.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:09 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Nuudawn, no-one is a lost cause. I didn't think of it in that context. More that the cycle will repeat until we take a strong stance and strengthen our resolve to not be that person.

Let's not be that person. Unless it is pointed out that, "This can be you," people will continue to challenge it. Unfortunately we as alcoholics fail miserably at recognizing the obvious sometimes. If that message sends a shock and rattles someone's thought process, it did what it was intended to do.
Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I really respect you for coming back and being honest. It's hard to do. The important thing is you learned you can't drink normally and are seeking professional help. I know you can do it. Don't give up and remember we are thinking about you.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Sounds like my story. I stopped coming here after some time sober, as well. Felt convinced I finally had this thing licked and didn't really need this site anymore. Even if all I was doing was reading, I did need to be reminded of the countless times I failed when I got too confident and thought I could moderate again. I need to be reminded of that more than anything else: moderation is no longer possible for me! It's where I've gotten tripped up every single time.
Thank you for posting this. What really strikes me is the phrase "moderation is no longer possible for me."
I had to realize that I passed the point of moderation long ago.....the more I tried to moderate, the worse my drinking became. The road crumbled behind me years ago and I can't go back the way I came. That knowledge alone keeps me going.
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:24 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Unfortunately we as alcoholics fail miserably at recognizing the obvious sometimes.
I getcha.
Yes, I am absolutely no master of the obvious.

That's something that is really hitting home with me recently. My inability to truly and completely identify and accept that something is a problem and therefore requires a solution.

This Albert Einstein quote recently resonated with me...

“If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.”

I was never one to critically mull over my problems (if I was even able to identify the problem to begin with).
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Old 06-23-2014, 08:31 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting. This sounds like what happened with me but I was gone for a while longer.
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