Day 2 / My Story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Day 2 / My Story
Hi guys, I am on day 2 of recovery. I just wanted to make a post i guess to explain my addiction to myself and officially make a statement to the world that i am going to be sober... as i think that is the correct thing to do. I know I have heard that my story isn't unique and I am not special in my situation, but I need to write it down and publish it to the world so that I can see it, and maybe even hopefully it will strike a chord with someone else and be able to help them.
Throughout my life I had always been drinking. It always started as one, but the more social a situation got, the more i would drink. I used to think that looking forward to drinking when i got home was normal, or having 4 or 5 beers in the middle of the day because i was bored was okay, but now i know it is not okay for me. I used to think it was okay to drink if i felt like I was not able to handle the social situation sober.
Like a lot of stories I have read on here, my story is that of the blackout drunk. When I am sober I am one of the nicest people anyone would ever meet, but when i drink my eyes get wide, and crazy looking and i do things that i never believe when people tell me about them. That is so embarrassing.
On Saturday night I did a lot of things I am not proud of when i was intoxicated. I made a fool out of myself and scared a lot of people. I treated my girlfriend of two years worse than i have ever treated anyone in my life, and the truth is that she is an angel. She doesn't deserve how I treated her, honestly she deserves nothing less than worship for how good she has always been to me.
Right now I am feeling sad, and kind of lonely because my girlfriend is my only friend and I have definitely alienated her. It is hard when the only person you feel understands is the exact person that you have hurt. I know I have a lot of making up to do and the only way I will ever be able to forgive myself is if I stop drinking and never allow myself to go back to where i was on Saturday night. Right now I feel afraid of myself and exactly what I am capable of and whether i am really in control of what I do.
I know that i need to quit drinking because the idea of having just one has never worked for me. As time wears on while drinking I become less and less capable of making the smart decision of putting my drink down, so the only logical decision is to never pick it back up again.
I am looking forward to never again waking up and having to hear about the monster I had become, or feeling physically like crap for days afterwards. I am looking forward to not finishing everyone elses drinks when they leave them on the table. I am looking forward to not secretly drinking when no one is looking. I am looking forward to knowing that the people I love can be safe around me. I am looking forward to being in control of all of my actions.
I know it will be hard, especially when life puts me in a situation close to alcohol or a lot of other people, but I am committed to quitting. I am not exactly sure how my quitting plan works, or what resources/advice are waiting for me to take advantage of, but I truly feel like I will make it and find a means to never drink again.
P.S. As I am new I am not really familiar with a lot of the terminology or ways to express myself in this environment. I apologize for my wording if it is wrong anywhere, or not the correct way of expressing it. Thank you for reading my letter
.
Throughout my life I had always been drinking. It always started as one, but the more social a situation got, the more i would drink. I used to think that looking forward to drinking when i got home was normal, or having 4 or 5 beers in the middle of the day because i was bored was okay, but now i know it is not okay for me. I used to think it was okay to drink if i felt like I was not able to handle the social situation sober.
Like a lot of stories I have read on here, my story is that of the blackout drunk. When I am sober I am one of the nicest people anyone would ever meet, but when i drink my eyes get wide, and crazy looking and i do things that i never believe when people tell me about them. That is so embarrassing.
On Saturday night I did a lot of things I am not proud of when i was intoxicated. I made a fool out of myself and scared a lot of people. I treated my girlfriend of two years worse than i have ever treated anyone in my life, and the truth is that she is an angel. She doesn't deserve how I treated her, honestly she deserves nothing less than worship for how good she has always been to me.
Right now I am feeling sad, and kind of lonely because my girlfriend is my only friend and I have definitely alienated her. It is hard when the only person you feel understands is the exact person that you have hurt. I know I have a lot of making up to do and the only way I will ever be able to forgive myself is if I stop drinking and never allow myself to go back to where i was on Saturday night. Right now I feel afraid of myself and exactly what I am capable of and whether i am really in control of what I do.
I know that i need to quit drinking because the idea of having just one has never worked for me. As time wears on while drinking I become less and less capable of making the smart decision of putting my drink down, so the only logical decision is to never pick it back up again.
I am looking forward to never again waking up and having to hear about the monster I had become, or feeling physically like crap for days afterwards. I am looking forward to not finishing everyone elses drinks when they leave them on the table. I am looking forward to not secretly drinking when no one is looking. I am looking forward to knowing that the people I love can be safe around me. I am looking forward to being in control of all of my actions.
I know it will be hard, especially when life puts me in a situation close to alcohol or a lot of other people, but I am committed to quitting. I am not exactly sure how my quitting plan works, or what resources/advice are waiting for me to take advantage of, but I truly feel like I will make it and find a means to never drink again.
P.S. As I am new I am not really familiar with a lot of the terminology or ways to express myself in this environment. I apologize for my wording if it is wrong anywhere, or not the correct way of expressing it. Thank you for reading my letter
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 306
Welcome! Congratulations on having the courage to come here and admit your problem. I have found SR to be tremendously supportive and a safe place to talk about our issues.
Also, spend some time reading through some of the threads. I learned so much right there. Hope you find the plan that works for you. Don't give up.
Also, spend some time reading through some of the threads. I learned so much right there. Hope you find the plan that works for you. Don't give up.
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