neverever

But it wont change anything. What the **** do I do? I spent the last 5 years whining and trying to change people. They WONT. And it's ********. And I can't get away from them! So many people to LEGITIMATELY blame. I could go on and on. I have NO clue why I want a relationship so badly when women have been the starting point of every ******* problem I have.

Dee74

I had to look at my priorities never.

I finally realised that I'd be no good to anyone as partner, husband or lover, until I sorted myself out.

I know that calls for patience, but I'm really glad I did it that way. I think my wife is glad too.

Think of the good things you got going on. You're sober and you're part of this community.

You're right I can't change people, but I can change my reactions to people - with a little work.

Keep posting here - you're headed in the right direction never

D

neverever

I just feel like if everyone would just shut up and let me drink my beer, I wouldn't have most the problems I have right now. Like if my family wouldn't talk about it, and try to control it, and if the law would just remove all the DUIs, I'd be fine. It'd drink a six pack or less a night and be okay. I havent driven drunk since my last DUI five years ago.

Coldfusion

Acceptance of others' foibles was the topic at a meeting I attended today. Figuring the balance between that and a positive self-image is a continuing challenge for me.

We have a place here for that: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-midnight.html

Dee74

I felt like that for decades.
It was the drinking beer that was the problem tho.

you know that...right?

D

Nuudawn

Oh c'mon really? That would solve all your problems? In your other post, it said something bout giving up trying to bend the world to your rules..and that maybe your life just ain't a case of bad luck.

I thought you had a lovely dry wit.

Now I'm thinking...not so much.
Why you think you need to change everyone? Why the heck is everyone else to blame?

What's your part in this? Do you have one?

neverever

This way of thinking didn't use to sound ridiculous. I don't know what to think.

Nuudawn

Okay...it kinda does now.

I'm still wondering bout that dry wit though. I actually think it's there. Maybe. Not sure.

neverever

I do feel better now though

Nuudawn

Well..there's that then.

neverever

Maybe I still got it haha. I feel halfway nuts and halfway handicapped.

Coldfusion

I found that I had to change my way of thinking when I quit drinking. I could not adapt my old way of thinking to sobriety.

A big part of changing my way of thinking involves spending time here at SoberRecovery. One thing I learned is that lives are lost to this disease daily, but I can always be grateful that I am still alive.

neverever

I just keep getting forced into abstinence and it's pissing me off. I wanted to make the choice on my own.

Dee74

I get that.

But the right time never comes man.

if you wait til you make the choice on your own you might have more than an ankle bracelet to deal with.

I wish I'd stopped 15 years before I did.

This could really be a blessing in disguise Never.

D

Coldfusion

"... I had no rights. Society can do anything it wants with me when I am drunk, and I can't lift a finger to stop it, for I forfeit my rights through the simple expedient of becoming a menace to myself and the people around me..."

Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Ed., AAWS copyright 2001, p. 449.

neverever

That's another thing. The positive returns look really ******* far away. I'm not going to save money with all the new costs, and I'm even more undatable than I was before. My license just got re suspended for 3 years. On and on.

Nuudawn

Maybe stop doing things that allow others the power to make that choice for you?
Maybe show 'em all by deciding YOU want to quit.

Nobody and no one can make you quit. It's a deeply personal choice...and you are the only one who can execute it really.

If you quit...and manage to stay quit...that's all on you friend.
You own it.
Completely.

Coldfusion

What efforts have you made at recovery? Are you going to meetings and keeping a record for the judge?

Dee74

It took me a year or so to sort out 20 years of stuffing up.
When you look at it, that's a pretty good deal?

D

Nuudawn

Ya..and the ankle bracelet is totally sexy?