Originally Posted by EndGameNYC

At fourteen days, I was in no condition to start dating. Doing so was the last thing that occurred to me, and this remained the same for well over a year. I had nothing good to offer another person, and I was such a mess that I couldn't even conceive of sharing time with a stranger who was also a potential partner. It didn't make sense to me on any level. I also could not and did not go anywhere where liquor was served. I was convinced that, had I done so, I would have had more than just a single drink, and would have likely continued to drink indefinitely, so intense were my cravings and so broken a person I had become in early sobriety. This also lasted for well over a year.

The idea that we "have to date" because our younger years are fleeting, and that this is what "everyone does" during their twenties and thirties is potentially destructive for people in early recovery, and a convenient distraction from getting sober and doing the necessary work on ourselves. It amounts to the same kind of thinking that tells us it's impossible to stop drinking during our youth because everyone else is doing it. That's just my opinion.

When the subject of dating in early sobriety comes up, I'm reminded of something someone said at a beginners meeting in early sobriety about the mythical Thirteenth Step: "My life has become unmanageable, and I want to share it with someone."

Originally Posted by MrBen

I honestly think for most girls it actually goes for you. You seem to be taking care of yourself, you're disciplined and most importantly- you're different from most guys. These are all very attractive traits. Remember sub-consciously her mind and your mind are going "the species must continue! We must reproduce!" even if you don't actively want children. So being responsible is sexy, on a fundamental level.

Yeah, that's right, get your responsibility on, you finished those tax returns? Daaaaamn.

Originally Posted by Serper2014

I think everyone is different. I have a ton to offer people. I'm in great shape, I have a killer career, I'm well traveled, and extremely knowledgable, highly social, well liked, and well respected. I may be on day 15 or 16 of not drinking, but I've been building my life back up for the last 9 months. It's not like I went into rehab or detox 14 days ago. My hospital visit was 9 months ago, but I still drank 1-2 times per week for the past 9 months... so I'm completely ready today to date. My life doesn't need any repair, I just need to make sure I stay sober.

Originally Posted by Serper2014

I think everyone is different. I have a ton to offer people. I'm in great shape, I have a killer career, I'm well traveled, and extremely knowledgable, highly social, well liked, and well respected.

Originally Posted by Oldselfagain

Characterising women that don't drink as uptight, boring and lame is superficial (at best) and frankly a little immature. Don't judge a book by it's cover. I've been out with reserved, soft spoken women and once they've gotten comfortable with me they turned into hell cats and were a blast to be with.

Originally Posted by EndGameNYC

Be that as it may, I just can't unremember what you put your last girlfriend through.

Originally Posted by Oldselfagain

Characterising women that don't drink as uptight, boring and lame is superficial (at best) and frankly a little immature. Don't judge a book by it's cover. I've been out with reserved, soft spoken women and once they've gotten comfortable with me they turned into hell cats and were a blast to be with.