Songtx

I'm on day 3 of my 3rd serious attempt (made it 4 months 2 years ago). I am just so angry and upset. I guess I'm angry because I can't drink. My husband is also an alcoholic (bad denial case) and since we pretty much spend most of our time together and drink (at least) a couple beers together every night, I am already noticing the strain. Every time I try to stop it drives us apart. I start resenting him and just fume whenever he comes home with beer or cracks one open. We had an argument just now over my feeling he was over critical of me about something and he immediately cracked a beer..at 2:30 in the afternoon! I really want this to work. I always end up with the "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude and start back up. Things go ok till I start with liver and kidney pain, blacking out, horrible fights, and just feeling like ass. I want this to work and to keep my marriage and have alcohol no longer control my life!

PurpleKnight

For me I needed to start having that real acceptance that alcohol wasn't a part of my life anymore, not having a drink because "I can't, but I really really want to drink, I'm just trying not to" in the end always lead me back to drinking, I hadn't really accepted Sobriety was something that was beneficial or my new way of life, alcohol was still a friend I wanted in my life and I hadn't cut it completely out of my through process.

It is tough though being around people drinking at the start, but with acceptance that your simply not just drinking, but rather are working towards a whole new Sober lifestyle will bring more long lasting results!!

You can do this!!

Thepatman

I can certainly appreciate how much of a challenge and frustration this must be

LadyBlue0527

I totally get this Songtx. I think it's really tough to come to the realization that other people can drink and we can't. I hate to say it but the sooner this is accepted and you focus on something else the faster that anger goes away. It's not easy to do but it's the only way.

malcolmsloan

I'm in a similar situation in that my wife still drinks every night. I hung out in the 'join them' thinking for a long time. I was not able to progress until I realized that this was about me, my choices, my consequences, my present, my future. It's not easy, but it can be done. As I write this, there are two bottles of wine in the house, but they have nothing to do with me. I love my wife, but booze will not go in my body. Period. You can do this.

Dee74

I was a musician - at least nominally...I kept losing gigs cos I was drunk. I got a bad reputation.

I had to make major changes to my life. I stopped playing music for a while, I changed the people I hung with...

It was a really hard thing to do but I did it because I wanted something better than being a drunk.

I gradually realised I preferred being sober and that what others did didn't bother me.

I went back to being a muso for a couple of years until ill health got me - I played in all kinds of bars. but I stayed sober, cos I'd changed.

Give yourself time to change songtx

D

FeelingGreat

Hi TX, you're going to be all over the shop for a while. Would it be worth catching your hubby when he's sober and explaining your moodiness (not putting the blame on him though) and maybe coming up with some positive behaviours when you are feeling bad.
Long term, how do you see living with an active drinker. Not so much the fact that there's alcohol around the house, but that your interactions have been built on mutual drinking?
None of these difficulties are worth drinking for though. Long term sobriety is a brilliant enhancement to your life.

Songtx

Thanks Dee, That is a very hopeful thing to hear. I am in a band with my husband and we are working on an album. I've had so much mood stuff that I haven't felt up to it at all for months. Also had a stint where I worked for 6 months and ended up on antidepressants. I cut way down drinking then so as not to mix, but had too many side effects to stay on...ugh. I try to explin that I need to straighten out the addiction before I can be whole heartedly in the creative zone. While drinking I am too focused on ehen I'll be able to hang up recording for a day and start drinking. I sing and my voice is also lousy and shaky due to reflux and withdrawal. My husband is in such deniel, I don't think he buys any of it...just calls me lazy basically. And yeah, when we do play out I might have a bit too much and make more mistakes than I would otherwise. But I always catch up after we play and am sloshed by night's end, so tired of the cycle! I will get back to music, I love to sing and write. I just need to learn to do it a new way.

Songtx

Hi Feeling Great,
yeah this is the real issue. We have only known one another as drinkers. The 3 months I stopped for 3 years ago is kind of a blur now, but I spent a good month of it visiting friends and family 2000 miles away from him. I know I felt good though. I'm honestly not sure what will happen long term. We have many problems in general, but I am convinced 80% of them are due to drinking. I don't work currently and have been considering staying with family or if I slip again going to rehab and getting away and treatment simultaneously. Thanks for your input.