Boudicca

Although the last 20 days have been unbelievably difficult I don't feel I have really been "tested" thus far. It has mostly been an internal war within my own mind (and body) about why I have decided to get sober and how it will ultimately affect my life. But I have a Big Plan and I intend to stick to it!

I won't be alcohols @#$% any longer.


Going to dinner with friends who never knew of my problems with alcohol (very few outside my family do, what ugly secrets we keep.)

This is my first social event since getting sober.
My AV is extremely angry about my decision and although my resolve is strong it is torturing me. It wants to make me PAY. "Maybe I should just let them pour me one glass and pretend to drink it" or "it would be rude not to have just one."
Pretend to drink it? As if just one is an option? Just one is just enough to &^%$ me off!
It would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic! Ordinarily I would avoid the situation since it is so early for me, but they are dear friends and I adore them.

I wanted to share this to reinforce my decision that "I do not drink and I will not change my mind."

I want to hold myself accountable. Thanks for listening.

PurpleKnight

It's not a bad thing to not be "tested" for the first few months/year. . . the plan is to be Sober, not be Sober and at the same time be superman repelling all temptations in your way!!

Also I would gauge going not on who your friends are, but on what you can handle, that's the measure of whether going is a sensible idea or not, from the viewpoint of protecting your Sobriety, not who your gonna offend if you don't go.

Dee74

Hi Boudicca

I know most of us want to get out there and 'prove ourselves' as sober people. I know I did and I came unstuck many times.

Be careful not to bite off more than you can chew. It's perfectly ok to avoid alcohol related events for a while until you get your 'sober muscles'.

You don't need to be a hermit either. With a little imagination you can easily find non alcohol related things to do, either alone or with friends

D

Boudicca

You are so kind, Dee. Thanks. I wish I could avoid it, it would be easier. But alas, I'm going to jump in with both feet and get it over with. I do feel firm resolve, so hopefully I will actually be able to enjoy the evening.
The funny thing is, I honestly think I am a nicer person to be around when I'm not loaded. I hope they won't think the sober Boudicca is weird! I like myself better this way and I know I'm funnier and make better conversation.
I just know it will be torture, but I have to get it over with.

Boudicca

Well, sometimes the Universes intervenes. My friends just called to cancel this evening. I have to say I am totally relieved.
Maybe I'm not ready because I couldn't believe the panic I was feeling. I will need to think about and analyze this so I can be better prepared next go.