Good afternoon SR, need your thought again....
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Raider 
Am I crazy? Would you just take your ball and go away, not involve them in your life? Would you tell them? 
I don't see the point in telling your parents anything that they don't want to hear. Your relapse is not good news and your parents are getting up in age. I'm sure that they have other concerns and fears that come with older age.
I am just curious, what "good" do you think would or should have come from this. I am sure there is no "good" going on right now... I betcha they are not 100% happy or impressed with you. Why did you feel such a need to tell them?
Also... you mention that you are tired of having your parents think you are drinking when you are not. This is a trust issue many alcoholics have to overcome. Alcoholism destroys trust. Sounds to me as if they need a bit of time to trust you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
Hi there! It sounds like you wanted to be accountable and honest with them. There are no right or wrong answers Raider cuz everyone's situations are so different. I haven't told my parents yet, but will have to this summer when we travel. I will make it simple and light, even though it is furthest from. I know they have worried and will probably be relieved. Get yourself to a point where u can make another call saying how
Much better you feel. Hang in there girl!!!!
Much better you feel. Hang in there girl!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Raider I agreed with telling them actually. What I cannot understand is your complacency regarding sobriety. While I may come off insensitive, you and I go back a ways. I am aware of the dark days that some may not remember....they got dark. It is a result that I am so deeply disappointed by this hiatus at the cabin nonchalantly toy drinking and fluffing it off as being in "relapse mode."
My idea of telling them would be yeah, I relapsed but xyz I felt was the reason and I have strengthened this area of my program, blah blah blah. Instead I imagine the convo went like, "hey I relapsed because I am an alcoholic and it happens and I am at the cabin drinking." What parent would not have angst?
A friend said I am taking this too personally, perhaps I am. But I do care for you and am disappointed by these recent events. Just to be very clear I understand people relapse. It's the unwillingness to get back on the horse that I am disappointed by.
The pictures look beautiful!
My idea of telling them would be yeah, I relapsed but xyz I felt was the reason and I have strengthened this area of my program, blah blah blah. Instead I imagine the convo went like, "hey I relapsed because I am an alcoholic and it happens and I am at the cabin drinking." What parent would not have angst?
A friend said I am taking this too personally, perhaps I am. But I do care for you and am disappointed by these recent events. Just to be very clear I understand people relapse. It's the unwillingness to get back on the horse that I am disappointed by.
The pictures look beautiful!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Raider
Attachment 23501
This is a couple miles down Hammersley inlet going toward the sound. We took our the Kayaks and did that for a couple hours. I didn't bring The Fuzz and I guess I won't. I was soaked when we were done. Judging by the way she acts during her weekly bath, she would freak out. I brought the phone to take pics, probably won't do that again either. It was so much fun!!!! I wished I could have got a pic of all the seals popping up their heads around us. They are so cool!!!! Now I'm chillin' on the deck. Every part of me is stiff and sore. I honestly didn't remember how much fun that is.
I let some of the responses to this post hurt my feelings. I try to remember these replies come from someone's heart, not to be mean. Although I may not agree with some responses, I'm not the type to take my ball and go home. Also if someone took time out of their life to reply to me, it deserves to be read and kicked around in my head. I'll make the decision if the shoe fits.
Haennie - I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. But the news flash on this thread tickled me
Thanks. I love ya' bunches. Pam.
This is a couple miles down Hammersley inlet going toward the sound. We took our the Kayaks and did that for a couple hours. I didn't bring The Fuzz and I guess I won't. I was soaked when we were done. Judging by the way she acts during her weekly bath, she would freak out. I brought the phone to take pics, probably won't do that again either. It was so much fun!!!! I wished I could have got a pic of all the seals popping up their heads around us. They are so cool!!!! Now I'm chillin' on the deck. Every part of me is stiff and sore. I honestly didn't remember how much fun that is.
I let some of the responses to this post hurt my feelings. I try to remember these replies come from someone's heart, not to be mean. Although I may not agree with some responses, I'm not the type to take my ball and go home. Also if someone took time out of their life to reply to me, it deserves to be read and kicked around in my head. I'll make the decision if the shoe fits.
Haennie - I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. But the news flash on this thread tickled me
Thanks. I love ya' bunches. Pam.
Remember to do something nice for yourself today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by jdooner
Raider I agreed with telling them actually. What I cannot understand is your complacency regarding sobriety. While I may come off insensitive, you and I go back a ways. I am aware of the dark days that some may not remember....they got dark. It is a result that I am so deeply disappointed by this hiatus at the cabin nonchalantly toy drinking and fluffing it off as being in "relapse mode."
My idea of telling them would be yeah, I relapsed but xyz I felt was the reason and I have strengthened this area of my program, blah blah blah. Instead I imagine the convo went like, "hey I relapsed because I am an alcoholic and it happens and I am at the cabin drinking." What parent would not have angst?
A friend said I am taking this too personally, perhaps I am. But I do care for you and am disappointed by these recent events. Just to be very clear I understand people relapse. It's the unwillingness to get back on the horse that I am disappointed by.
The pictures look beautiful!
My idea of telling them would be yeah, I relapsed but xyz I felt was the reason and I have strengthened this area of my program, blah blah blah. Instead I imagine the convo went like, "hey I relapsed because I am an alcoholic and it happens and I am at the cabin drinking." What parent would not have angst?
A friend said I am taking this too personally, perhaps I am. But I do care for you and am disappointed by these recent events. Just to be very clear I understand people relapse. It's the unwillingness to get back on the horse that I am disappointed by.
The pictures look beautiful!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I will always think honesty is the best policy. I am a grown adult and while I am not an addict I have certainly done things I am not proud of. I found that being honest with those around me certainly helped me, even when they did not understand. I did not need more guilt on top of what I was already carrying.
Just my .02. You can do this Raider! Pulling for you!
Just my .02. You can do this Raider! Pulling for you!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by readerbaby71
While Raider's relapse is not a good thing, your condescending "I'm so disappointed in you" bs is not helpful imo. Just my thoughts.
I agree with a lot of what "Simon" is saying here.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
There's a little Simon Cowell in JD sometimes : ) In the case of Simon, I always kind of liked the pompous arse. I almost ALWAYS agreed with him. It was his delivery that often raised my hackles.
I agree with a lot of what "Simon" is saying here.
I agree with a lot of what "Simon" is saying here.
That's all I'm going to say about it.....this thread is not about jdooner or me, it's about Raider.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by jdooner
A friend said I am taking this too personally, perhaps I am.
He said he was disappointed...didn't actually say "I'm disappointed in YOU".
Disappointed: "sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations."
It's okay to have hopes for one another...isn't it?
I am in full agreement that their is something about JD's air (sometimes) that whirls me back to my parent's giving me hell for being naughty.
Yes, JD...I know you're in the room : ) And I'm quite certain you can take it.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Not trying to offend anyone here................
Lets just get real and decide what we all want out of life and tackle it.
I have relapsed countless times, too. There does come a time though, that we just have to pull up our pants and say lets do it. Before it's too late. I'm running out of relapses and maybe you are too, friend. Sending big prayers your way. Make today count for the rest of your life, Raider. You can do it.
Lets just get real and decide what we all want out of life and tackle it.
I have relapsed countless times, too. There does come a time though, that we just have to pull up our pants and say lets do it. Before it's too late. I'm running out of relapses and maybe you are too, friend. Sending big prayers your way. Make today count for the rest of your life, Raider. You can do it.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Raider...my friend...
I would like to speak to this relapse. It is getting a little disheartening to see you remain in it in such defeat. It just is. Soon the "you can do it's" will fade as no one here who cares about you will continue to watch the ship sink when the life raft is there waiting for you to board. It's just too sad...we will have to look away eventually.
Is there a plan to jump in the raft again? Or are you staying in the water indefinitely? You can only tread so long...
I would like to speak to this relapse. It is getting a little disheartening to see you remain in it in such defeat. It just is. Soon the "you can do it's" will fade as no one here who cares about you will continue to watch the ship sink when the life raft is there waiting for you to board. It's just too sad...we will have to look away eventually.
Is there a plan to jump in the raft again? Or are you staying in the water indefinitely? You can only tread so long...
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Homestead Florida
Posts: 297
Hey Raider, hope you are doing well today and enjoying life. I bet many including myself would just love to "see" you here and give us a hint as to what is happening. Maybe another Fuzz picture? 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I am crying as I read your replies. Just to be clear, I love JDooner. I connect with him as I do several others here. I do believe he speaks from the heart. Sometimes it isn't pretty but I'm ok with that. I feel a mess, can't stop with the tears. Going into Olympia for lunch now. I love ya' bunches. Pam.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
He is saying a lot right there. He actually cares a great deal for our lovely Raider.
He said he was disappointed...didn't actually say "I'm disappointed in YOU".
Disappointed: "sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations."
It's okay to have hopes for one another...isn't it?
I am in full agreement that their is something about JD's air (sometimes) that whirls me back to my parent's giving me hell for being naughty.
Yes, JD...I know you're in the room : ) And I'm quite certain you can take it.
He said he was disappointed...didn't actually say "I'm disappointed in YOU".
Disappointed: "sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations."
It's okay to have hopes for one another...isn't it?
I am in full agreement that their is something about JD's air (sometimes) that whirls me back to my parent's giving me hell for being naughty.
Yes, JD...I know you're in the room : ) And I'm quite certain you can take it.
Pam and I have spent much time going back and forth privately. I am not trying to embarrass or shame her in my post. I perhaps lack more filters than others. Your approach may be different than mine, which is okay. That is the whole point of a forum to gather differing views on a topic to help the OP, right? Enabling is not supporting and we should not confuse the two. Sometimes support is in the form of honesty. Albeit tough to hear and sometimes. Sometimes its in the form of simple encouragement and cheerleading. Each case may require different approaches from different people - hence the value of the Forum. That does not mean my perspective is correct but it is honest and has nothing to do with 12 stepping.
I don't have all the answers, even though sometimes I would like to tell myself I do. I can see I am getting well, as I gain more clarity and insight and can only share my experiences. Sometimes traces of my sickness get commingled in my responses, although in this case I don't believe I did that.
Pam/Raider is one of a handful of people I made a connection with here on this site last year. I feel like we have gone through things together and shared things together publicly and privately. I care for her deeply and simply want her to feel the freedom of being unshackled by the chains that almost killed her. It pains me to read about a move closer to those chains - this is sincerely where my comments come from and I apologize to those that I offend. Not enough to change what I think is truth though.
Pam - I think you know where I come from and I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. However, my perspective is still the same. I hope you decide to give sobriety another chance and I am here for you when you do!
I am going to have to get some tight white tee shirts to pull the Simon Cowell off.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
If you stop drinking there is no need for all this drama of telling parents or not telling them is there ? Drink not sobriety is causing this situation and the "high" emotion ..
Just thought i should point out what the issue is and how pervasive it is in our lives ,
m
Just thought i should point out what the issue is and how pervasive it is in our lives ,
m
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Raider
No not good really. But I don't want them to think I'm doing something I'm not.
Maybe soon we won't have to feel guilty about anything because were doing the right things!
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