jdooner

Really? Its because you want to drink. I have seen nothing out of you that suggests otherwise.

Here come some judgements, which from the bottom of my heart not to inflame or make you feel bad:
I feel you have rationalized your relapse and kind of bored so your drinking away at the cabin, have brought your previously sober husband into this mess and not trying to make any real changes. Am I wrong in this assumption? If so, I am sorry.

I agree with your dad and BS on your relapse because your an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and an addict and I don't relapse. Other members here are alcoholics and have not relapsed in 30yrs. Yes, alcoholics and addicts relapse it is the basic definition of addiction. However, in your case I question whether you are justifying your current behavior through this. Do you understand my point here? What are you doing to change things so you won't relapse. From what I read, nothing. You have gone off to a cabin with your husband who now drinks because of your decisions and your drinking and getting angry (reading between the lines) because people (father) aren't buying into your BS. What have I missed?

If I were you I would want reexamine what I want. Do I want sobriety and recovery or an active/using life.

If you want to drink and die an alcoholic then that is a choice you have to make. IF you want to get sober and recover how about a little elbow grease? Why not start today?

biminiblue

Raider I have to take the tack of coming down on you, too.

First, seems like a cry for attention. What 55 YO woman hasn't separated from mom and dad? That's a thing that happens in the twenties. I stopped telling my mother my problems in my early 30s. None of her business, didn't need her input, and it would just irritate me if she tried. What is the hook they have in you that you haven't put them in a different place other than I-have-to-tell-them-everything? Are you seeking approval still? Hoping they'll feel sorry for you? Are you still blaming them for some perceived slight in your childhood?

What possible benefit is there to worrying your parents?

bigsombrero

Raider - the house is on fire and you're wringing your hands about whether the new drapes match the sofa. Are you focused on putting down the drink? Or are you focused on building a life around drinking? I think that is the question you might need to ask yourself and I hope the answer puts you in the right direction.

Boudicca

I'm someone who has read all of your posts with much interest and been touched by your honesty (it is so hard to be honest!)

You are one brave lady and I can sense you are close to your parents. So am I and not to tell them about my problems would feel so dishonest and just WRONG. So you should "keep them in the loop" so to speak, because not to do so would be worse, right?

No more secrets or putting on a brave face. That is what gets us here in the first place. Just because you share with them doesn't mean you are dumping on them. I think it's a beautiful thing.
You may be drinking, but at least you are thinking. Just my two cents.

Best wishes.

lunar

That's a tough call, Raider. I think it depends entirely on the individual and the
mindset of the family members whom they've revealed their alcoholism to.
No universal solution here.
Personally, my parents wouldn't get it. They'd be worried sick,
repetitiously inquiring about my drinking. That would be too much for me to bear and not healthy for them either.
I don't live in a perfect world where everyone should know everything about me. I don't need to blow the "truth bugle" just because it's "right".
Just about everyone I know who's seen me in person has seen me either buzzed, shined up,
drunk or incoherent at some point in time. Not always, mind you, but at some point.
Those who were unfortunate enough to witness my stupidity include parents, immediate family, other relatives or loved ones, friends, acquaintances and some strangers.
I might be fooling myself, but I figure if I am sober, stay sober and act responsibly, I'll blend back into society soberly, with no announcement or fanfare.
If I told everyone, I'd just be building my AV up for a welcomed relapse.
If that occurs, IT wins, I lose.
Sorry for ranting. Thanks for your post! Be well, my friend.
.

Pondlady

I also read your post as you've already told them. I personally would not tell my parents if I relapsed....it would hurt them. It would be bad enough to have let myself down, no need to drag them along.

What we value about sobriety is different for each of us. For me, living to my potential is important.....not just potential to work hard and be successful....but my potential for compassion, happiness and being thoughtful of others. You strike me as a smart lady who'd like to live life to her potential.....but it's up to you.

TempeBrenn

I'm 62 and still talk to my mom and dad about everything. Including my drinking or lack there of. And when I was in my 50's and engaged for the FIRST time to my now husband, I was admonished regarding the virtues of virginity before marriage! Seriously!

I don't lie to my parents. But I also don't offer information that might upset them. I'm truthful, but not necessarily complete. Righteously evasive without compromising honesty.

Raider, that might be a way for you. As for your relapse, I have a sneaking suspicion that your return from the cabin will also encompass a return to sobriety. IMHO.

Croissant

You know, the irony I saw in all this, right in the beginning when you'd said you had relapsed, Raider? I thought bloody hell, why is she drinking now, after cutting her other holiday at her parents house short to protect her sobriety. Why give in now?

Well, I suspect you weren't ready to let go of your romantic images of drinking at the cabin, worked yourself up into a "tizz" a few weeks before, about your marriage, how sobriety was not what you'd imagined, etc. You were romanticising drinking some weeks ago. Totally choosing to forget the endless pain that led up to your rehab, your father being sick during it all and a death in the family also, I believe?

To go tell your parents you are drinking, when previously you'd cut a holiday short to save your sobriety must be heartbreaking for them to hear. And to be honest, they are way too old to hear it. Are you relying on the old fear and childhood shame of parents finding out little raider has been naughty to snap you out of your drinking? I see only harm to them coming from telling them at this point in their lives.

I wonder why you ask what you should do here and start threads asking for advice, when the horse has already bolted, both on the drinking and the telling of your parents.

I like you better when you don't drink, Raider.

Nuudawn

I was thinking bout you on my drive home tonight Raider. You and AO and me. I am going to give some serious consideration to NOT going on holiday in my first year of sobriety. And if I do...it will be something or somewhere that has no connection to drinking. Like I certainly won't be hitting Las Vegas or an All inclusive.

I like what I read somewhere about for the year...buy yourself some new pajamas cuz you might be spending a lot of time in them.

Pondlady

Had to chuckle when I read this....I bought lots of bubble bath and jambes my entire first year.....nice smelling candles too I made my room into a sober oasis.

Aellyce

Hey Ladies, news fresh from the kitchen here. My gf just broke up with me. ~ 3 years. Well, nothing unexpected... anyhow, hope you all are well and try to stay sober!

Nuudawn

Oh gosh haennie. That was a pretty big commercial interruption.
I think you need to start a thread so you can feel some love. Let's talk bout it.

Straightshoot

Nuu sounds like you are doing a lot better, that wit is back. Is that picture that actress from Absolutely Fabulous?

Mountainmanbob

Hi Pam
Well our parents are getting up there in age now and it's probably best that we just keep these things to ourselves.

So many times I share something with my parents only to wonder why later.

I have noticed that my 84 year old Mom shares things with me these days that she would have never talked about with me before. Yes, we need to remember the always mature ones in our lives are now in a slow way becoming once again as little children.

Mountainmanbob

Aellyce

Thank you, Nuu I may, a bit later. To make it clear, for me this is not truly a heartbreak... but something I've expected and I actually considered doing myself, but I thought it would be selfish (to break up with her). We had lots of good and honest conversations during the past few days, that were more than due..., and in the end she said we should try at least a temporary separation. Mind you, this woman was a totally straight woman before she met me ~4 years ago... it was quite a process for us to get together. And also now to arrive at this separation idea. She met me as an active drinker, but she never acknowledged it... idealized me mostly. For sure that was "handy" for me - I could drink or do anything, she never complained.

I really think this wasn't a bad or invalid reaction from her now, even though I've been sober for a while. We also discussed extensively how my sexual preferences have been changing now sober. So, we are truly just giving each-other some well-deserved space and time, I think.
I still love her, and I think she loves me, too - it was a good and peaceful relationship. And we work together, in the same place. That will be interesting, but I doubt we'll have a problem with work.

We'll see where we go from here.

Aellyce

Raider, how's everything?

ImperfectlyMe

Afternoon raider hope you're hanging in.

Was just reading through and it struck me, as to what your reasons for telling them were.

Perhaps part of you felt some rain on your drinking parade was having that catholic guilt (I was raised that way too) hanging over your head. Drinking hasn't been as fun as expected.... Maybe because I have to keep it secret....

Truth be told if we think about our drinking careers I bet you can name less than 5 stellar memories! Can't say the same about sober time.

Hope you're enjoying the cabin.

DoubleDragons

On the opposite side of the coin, my alcoholic mother told me that people are going to think I have a problem since I don't drink. Yeah.

Through getting sober these last nine months, I have learned that my family (even my husband) and friends are not my best support system. They all are normies or active alcoholics, so they really don't get it. Thank you Lord for SR!!

Raider

image.jpg

This is a couple miles down Hammersley inlet going toward the sound. We took our the Kayaks and did that for a couple hours. I didn't bring The Fuzz and I guess I won't. I was soaked when we were done. Judging by the way she acts during her weekly bath, she would freak out. I brought the phone to take pics, probably won't do that again either. It was so much fun!!!! I wished I could have got a pic of all the seals popping up their heads around us. They are so cool!!!! Now I'm chillin' on the deck. Every part of me is stiff and sore. I honestly didn't remember how much fun that is.

I let some of the responses to this post hurt my feelings. I try to remember these replies come from someone's heart, not to be mean. Although I may not agree with some responses, I'm not the type to take my ball and go home. Also if someone took time out of their life to reply to me, it deserves to be read and kicked around in my head. I'll make the decision if the shoe fits.

Haennie - I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. But the news flash on this thread tickled me

Thanks. I love ya' bunches. Pam.

Straightshoot

I read about how much care those cats need. Weekly baths because their skin gets oily, nail trimmings, and they don't like to be left alone for a long time. If you have one and have to be away it is suggested to get another cat like them for companionship. There was much more to the care, I just thought it was interesting. It isn't something I could do, as I work all week and am quite tired afterwards. My 2 cats are very hairy and chubby. They have the good life.