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I'm a mess....

Old 06-20-2014, 02:16 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Oh Nuu, my heart breaks to see you in this pain. Like the other posters, I hope you dump the rest of the alcohol and meds, drink lots of water and get some sleep. We'll help you sort your way through the other issues when you wake.

I agree with the other posters; this man needs to quickly become a part of your past. He so doesn't deserve you.
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Old 06-20-2014, 02:23 PM
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Hang in there nuu,,
These vicious habits or circles or whatever you want to call them can be broken. Keep reaching out & reaching in,, & put down the booze, you owe it to yourself.
I'm rooting for you my friend.
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Old 06-20-2014, 02:29 PM
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Nuu, sometimes I think our true addiction is to drama. My parents have a very volatile, rollercoaster relationship spiced with personality disorders and alcoholism. When I first got married, it was so hard for me to accept such a peaceful, calm, loving relationship (two codie over achieving, people pleasers, my husband and I) As much as I (and the universe) knew that I needed this healthy, serene relationship, it felt so foreign to me, I almost sabotaged it at times.

I was telling my sister today that I feel a desperate need for a strong, serene, stable, secure, older Earth Mother type woman in my life. (basically the opposite of my mom) Unfortunately, I usually attract black holes of need. On a funny note, she said that maybe my collie is that figure. I just laughed because as much as I adore my dog, she is a neurotic, skittish rescue dog with major trust issues. I do feel good about being aware now of what/who I attract and owning that I have a major part in attracting these types into my life. It is only with this awareness that I can work on changing my unhealthy patterns.
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Old 06-20-2014, 02:36 PM
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nail.head.

addicted to the chaos/drama/excitement...man o man. and if there isn't any, I'll sure as hell find a way to make some horrible.
Nuu - you have a lot of friends here who clearly care a heckuva lot for you lady
I haven't been around these parts very long, but there are a few posters who have already made me stop and think about things with their words, and you are one of them.
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Old 06-20-2014, 03:04 PM
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I have made important choices concerning relationship issues both drunk and sober (and have also drank over them when I was sober). The choices I made sober took longer to mull over but were always better than "immediate fixes". Come back when you hurt enough Nu and I am not patronizing-I just know that is how we do it. We're not known for choosing the best mates but we can learn how sober.
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Old 06-20-2014, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Raider View Post
. And Jupiters, I married him 6 mos later. What a dumbass I am.
we're a nutty bunch eh?
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Old 06-20-2014, 03:08 PM
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My advice?
Concentrate on getting sober as your 100% priority. This relationship needs to be NOWHERE on your list at the moment.

You have strength and wisdom by the bucketful. What would you tell someone to do if they came to you with this stuff?
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Old 06-20-2014, 03:21 PM
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Just because he hasn't hit you, does not mean that it isn't Domestic Violence. You are being horribly abused. I went through the same thing, and yeah, drank to forget how bad it was.
Can you get any free counseling or help for Domestic Violence? It would be much easier to quit drinking if your destructive relationship ended.
I am hoping for the best!!!
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Old 06-20-2014, 04:03 PM
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Oh Nuudawn,
I don't have any words, but I am sending you all the positive thoughts I can muster.
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Old 06-20-2014, 04:23 PM
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Are you in any sort of position to take a leave and get away to a rehab for 30-90 days?? Get away from everything and everyone. Of course you will have to come back at some point but perhaps while you are there you will learn some new tools, get some counseling and focus on sobriety.
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Old 06-20-2014, 05:09 PM
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Hey nuu, im so saddened to the core to read this. So much i want yo say but its rather overwhelming. if you need someone to talk to about anything please dont hesitate to message me. If you need help or just someone to listen Im there in a heartbeat.

Really powerful reads here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
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Old 06-20-2014, 05:27 PM
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Love yourself first...and everything else will fall into place.
Read Louise Hay.
Watch "The Secret" (the full movie is on Youtube)

Learn, re-learn, remember how to love yourself FIRST.

Don't be afraid of being alone. Get a cute rescue kitty if it scares you to sleep alone.

Love YOURSELF first.

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
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Old 06-20-2014, 05:52 PM
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Nuu...I don't have any wisdom that hasn't been said, but I am keeping you close in my thoughts tonight. I am very sad to know you are hurting so much.
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:00 PM
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I rarely give relationship advice but come set a spell and let ol' Dee tell you about him and Mrs Dee#2 (90s style)

We loved each other - to the point of mutually assured destruction.
Anger rage and jealousy was our currency.

We used each other up like cigarette lighters.

I picked up her neuroses and bad habits and she mine, well nearly all.

If she had been a drinker too, one of us would have surely have killed the other.

As it was, she tried anyway....

The physical wounds healed, but the mental ones endured.

I never broke up with anybody - ever - but I broke up with her.

I know that relationship set me on the course for the next decade of terribly self destructive behaviour.

Some loves are meant to last forever.
Some loves are not.

And some loves just shouldn't be, Nuu.

D
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:03 PM
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Nuuuu….

It sounds like you are due for an edit. Strip everything back to the bones and add things in slowly. Broad strokes agree with you. This could be one of those pivotal times where you plant your feet on the ground, sweep the table bare and nothing stays if it doesn't move you forward.

The good news…the things that are bogging you down are peripheral, they aren't central to your core, that's why leaning into them leaves you off balance. Bouncing between booze and pills and cigs and a guy who is making you nuts…….you know you are worth more. We know you are worth more.

You've got a full complement of support here, who couldn't love a girl like Nuuu. Hugs.
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:25 PM
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I don't have any magic words or cures, take care of yourself and get rid of the booze and pills, hope to hear you're in a better place soon.
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:31 PM
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I read recently on SR that no relationship should be a mutual suicide pact.
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:32 PM
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I sent you an email. There is help in your area and you won't need money or at least very little. Please phone them. Seek help. We have tons of government resources in our area. We pay ridiculous taxes here, take advantage of the benefits!
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:39 PM
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Sorry to hear that you're struggling Nuu. Recovery can be a lonely road. But traveling this road alone might be better than traveling with a companion who is holding you back.

Back away from the substances, get some rest...and then get some more rest. Stop swimming upstream and give yourself a break.
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Old 06-20-2014, 06:46 PM
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Many good and helpful things have been said already, & I have nothing to add. So I'll just send my love and concern out to you Nuu. You're part of us, and I'm glad you wanted to be open & talk about what's in your heart. You are not alone.
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