sectownkid

I've been getting sober now and relapsing for five years. FIVE YEARS. Usually between the 7-14 day mark, I once made it to 30 days.

My personality is fading and I'm becoming more aggressive, I seem to become possessed when I drink hard, have recently had hallucinations of hands grabbing me from under my bed between waking consciousness and sleep, the result is I don't sleep because I am afraid of the hallucinations between sleep. I don't even get hangovers anymore it's just withdrawals for days, the sleep deprivation and hallucinations get worse so I pick up again just so I can sleep.

I'm getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of coming to this forum and wasting you people's time. I say the same **** every time I come here and honestly, I'm getting tired of my self. I quit amphetamines and cocaine, even nicotine, why can't I quit alcohol?

I hope someone out there who will PM me because I'm losing my ******* mind. I need a sponsor. I am 25 and did not realize it would get this bad so quick, but I have been drinking since I was 13 so I guess my brain/body is pretty much spent there are no good times left.. it's over.

Dee74

Hi sectownkid.
You have a good thousand of so sponsors here

You're not wasting anyone's time. Best as I can figure this is only your 3rd visit here - maybe that's something you can work on?

There's a lot of advice and support here, but you need to be here to read it, y'know?

D

PurpleKnight

Hey sectownkid,

I spent a year between deciding I needed to quit and actually achieving it so I can relate to some of what you're feeling, great intentions shattered by yet another week long binge, simply going round and round in circles.

I think my problem was I left the door open for alcohol, by that I mean I never looked at Sobriety as a permanent solution, or never accepted that moderation is definitely off the table, I would be Sober then after a while think 1 drink wouldn't be so bad etc etc

I now view my Sobriety from the viewpoint of not having that 1st drink, accepting that a period of abstinence doesn't in some way cure or fix me, the 1st drink will always lead to the same conclusion!!

You can do this, the good times are only beginning!!

kepeb30

25? Very good. I'm 40 and have been trying to quit for 5 yrs. I'm on day 16. The first time I remember being sober for more than a day. You have youth and time on your side. You are not used up. I would suggest you ask a professional for help tho, those hallucinations can mean trouble.

Thepatman

Hi!

You got great feedback from Purpleknight and Dee. Personally I had to find the recipe that worked for me and learn what triggers me to drink. It took a few attempts, actually many but the important thing is to find what will stick for you.

I avoid all situations that I can that involves stress, booze, drama etc. I also have a solid routine for meals and sleep. I try not to allow myself to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Invented by someone wise, they call it HALT. If I remember correctly an ambassador that sadly passed away added Sadness to the above.

This site is bursting with good supportive folks and mountain of information and techniques, from AA, to AVRT, Smart recovery, Urge Surfing etc.

There is the secular section if you are looking for a non 12 step approach.

Voila, keep posting and stay positive, and when things get bumpy, hop on here and type away. Chat option also available 24/7.

LBrain

just to add

a sponsor will not help you quit drinking. It's something you have to do. A sponsor can guide you through the steps of AA if that's what you want. And also help you to take steps to remain sober.

You have to be the one who makes the effort to stop. No one can do that for you except you. It's the exact opposite of, 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.'

DisplacedGRITS

What have you done to look for a sponsor? Are you going to meetings? Do you have a homegroup? Do you call sober alcoholics?

Foolsgold186

I am in exactly the same place as you! I totally understand how you feel. Just keep coming back and trying, change something, do anything different.

The fact you keep coming back shows how much you want to get sober. I got to day 30 and now I'm back to day 3! The hatred I felt for myself after that last drink is something I never want to feel again.

We'll get there, if you want this enough i know its possible.

One day at a time.

L x

Nonsensical

I come to this forum, in part, to stay reminded of how bad it was and how hard it is to break free from the shackles of alcohol dependence. You're not wasting my time, Friend, you're helping me.

Let us help you. You can't permanently overcome alcohol-withdrawal-induced hallucinations by drinking. What's the next step?

You can do this.

jwb63

I just found this app. Going to give a try. Me not till Wednesday did I admit. I am a fall down drunk. If I don't change I will my loss my family and job. I . A police officer. I thank god I have not been stop drinking and driving .

Gottalife

These are good questions. I would add:

What are you prepared to do to get sober?

Is there anything you are not prepared to do?


I was 22 when I took my last drink. I was prepared to do whatever it took to overcome my alcoholism. And what it took was to work the steps quickly and thoroughly with the help of a good sponsor, and then get busy helping others.
Simple but not easy.

KAD

Welcome, and believe me, you are not wasting anyone's time here. If you look around you will see lots and lots of people going through the same kinds of things. Have you spoken to a doctor about what you're going through? I suffered through withdrawal after withdrawal - I no longer got hangovers either - and each one of them got worse and worse. The doctor was able to help me through this latest one, after a month and a half long binge. I am on day 8 right now and feeling great. I would highly recommend getting help if you're having trouble getting past this on your own. Beyond that, you're going to have to take some kind of action to maintain your sobriety, be it AA, RR, CBT, or just seeing a therapist. I wish you the very best and please don't get discouraged by failure and just stop coming here. There are many great people here willing to help.

sectownkid

Thank you all so much. You have made my night reading these posts and given me inspiration.

Displaced Grits (love the name ), I am living and working in a national park (Glacier Bay AK) pretty much in the middle of the wilderness. Theres sober people here, they are not former alcoholics though, although there are MANY active alcoholics. But yeah I am pretty much on my own out here.

Gottalife, I'm ready to do anything. I just can't keep living this way. Every day the thread is wearing thinner and I can feel like I'm about to break. Theres some things I am unsure of how I will deal with though, like lifelong friends who drink and most of my family.

I'm doing good tonight though, I am actually inside surfing S.R. when there is a campfire outside with drinking going on. I'm gonna read some Vonnegut and go to sleep and check back in tomorrow.

Thank you everybody.

Luper

You may be on your own out there, but definitely not here. This site has become my lifeline.

No waste of time at all... actually you are helping!

I have had several relapses and have been trying to quit for years. Actually made it to 57 days at one point..then, cocky me...thought I could have "just one". Turned into weeks of nothing but drinking. I am back to day 8.

You can do this. IMO it's a very positive step that you keep coming back...I'm glad.