Sadie33

So my AH relapsed not that long ago after being clean for 3 months. He has been drinking and/or using drugs for 20 years and we've been together for 12 years, but it was only when he went to an outpatient rehab, I realized he is an addict (I clearly was in denial). I can tell he has relapsed by his actions. I'm not sure what he's using, but I suspect opiates. His drug of choice has changed thru the years from alcohol, cocaine, benzos, and most recently hydrocodone. Realizing I'm married to an addict who may never get better has been so difficult for me. Sometimes the pain is unbearable. He has been lying about going to his outpatient rehab. I know for fact that he is not going. I'm wondering why he is lying about this, clearly he knows I know the truth, both about his use and not getting help. He tells me he doesn't care if I leave him, so why not just admit the truth? I know none of you know him or can tell me what's in his head, I guess I'm just trying to understand the motivation to continue the lie, when the truth is already out there. Sorry if this post is not the right place, I wasn't sure of the best forum.

PurpleKnight

When it comes to addiction, the addict will seek the path of least resistance, we don't want any hassle, we want to continue with fuelling our addiction, so we lie, we tell stories, we get other people off our back, whatever it takes for an easy life.

Are you seeking help? yes I am, do you know you have a problem? yes I do, are you going to change? yes I will, were you drinking today? no I wasn't!! . . . It rhymes off the top of an addict's mind without much thought!!

Are you getting any support for yourself through out all of this??

Needinghelp82

Couldn't agree more with purpleknight.

My husband knew I was drinking but I would say I hadn't been. Why? Because it was easier. Because then I felt more in control. He knew I was lying but I'd drank so dint think of anything other than covering myself and trying to pretend I had a hold of it.

Sadie33

Thank you both for the insight. I have not yet gotten help for myself. I have two little ones, and not a lot of family support so it's hard to find time too take care of my own issues. Like I said in my original post I've only just admitted to myself that my husband is an addict, and even more recently that I am codependent. I'm trying to figure out the next step for me.

megacrankcase

It has been my experience that most addicts---myself definitely included---lie.

least

Lying becomes a way of life for addicts. And the person we lie to most is ourselves.

DoubleBarrel

Falling off the wagon is often a very awful feeling of loss of control combined with a deep shame.

Being humiliated and ashamed makes it easier to lie, because the negative voices in our own heads are so awful, we can't imagine hearing about it from our loved ones too.