Who do you trust?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I will post from the other side of the fence, I had an alcoholic husband.
I would think you should be completely honest with your husband. Possibly bring him to a counseling apt so he can be made to understand that 99.9% of alcoholics cannot moderate.
It's great you want to do this for you. I don't drink around anyone who I know has an issue with it, even if it's not my issue, just out of respect for them and out of support for their recovery.
It sounds like your husband does not realize how serious the issue is. I would be honest with him and give him a chance to support you.
Good luck with your recovery!
I also encourage you to be open and honest about what you are going through, people will respect you for it and you will find so many more people than you realized going through the same! XXX
I would think you should be completely honest with your husband. Possibly bring him to a counseling apt so he can be made to understand that 99.9% of alcoholics cannot moderate.
It's great you want to do this for you. I don't drink around anyone who I know has an issue with it, even if it's not my issue, just out of respect for them and out of support for their recovery.
It sounds like your husband does not realize how serious the issue is. I would be honest with him and give him a chance to support you.
Good luck with your recovery!
I also encourage you to be open and honest about what you are going through, people will respect you for it and you will find so many more people than you realized going through the same! XXX
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi NewFighter 
I agree with the others you should be completely honest with your husband.
He may not understand and he may not give you the support you need but I think it's something spouses need to know. This is a pretty big life change.
If he's not supportive you will always find support here or face to face support in other places like AA SMART etc
As for other people? It's up to you who you tell.
It might seem like you owe everyone a huge explanation but you really don't.
'No thanks I decided I'm not drinking anymore' is a perfectly reasonable response.
D
I agree with the others you should be completely honest with your husband.
He may not understand and he may not give you the support you need but I think it's something spouses need to know. This is a pretty big life change.
If he's not supportive you will always find support here or face to face support in other places like AA SMART etc
As for other people? It's up to you who you tell.
It might seem like you owe everyone a huge explanation but you really don't.
'No thanks I decided I'm not drinking anymore' is a perfectly reasonable response.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by NewFighter 
The extent of my drinking is a secret to most, but I meant quitting being the secret. It will raise many questions, "are you pregnant, why aren't you drinking" etc as it is very out of character. Last weekend my husband offered me a beer at a pool party and when I refused made a big deal about it in front of the crowd as if I must be sick or something....ugg
Therapy might be a good idea. I applied for medicade in hopes for therapy.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
My experience: first wife drank little and it was no problem to have a six pack in the fridge that may take her a week to drink. She also had a few if we went out but it was dinner or to see a band we both liked. Never bothered me in the least. Current wife drinks almost as much as I did and it is a struggle to watch her struggle. I am not tempted to drink if it is in the house but I just can't stand to be around the drunkenness. Six months ago I did the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" thing and relapsed after 4 yrs. sober with disastrous results. Am also now getting an abandonment vibe as I am no longer her drinking buddy. I've not drank in a week and never will for any reason. My situation is not the same as yours in that there are no social activities required of me that have a lot of drinking going on (for me the drinking was always central) but I can mix for about an hour til the drunk people annoy me. Don't know if any of this helps but there is a difference between support and ridicule for not drinking and I need support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Serotonin
I am the only one in my personal life that knows the extent of my drinking, but a few people know I have a drinking problem. I have pushed a lot of people away with my drunken behavior. I'm not ready to open up to my family yet. For now it's just AA and SR. To a small extent my child's mother knows. I may talk to my Doctor about it if I feel I need to. Right now on day 6 sober I feel pretty good physically. I would love to have a therapist to talk to about my addictions and my personal life.
Therapy might be a good idea. I applied for medicade in hopes for therapy.
Therapy might be a good idea. I applied for medicade in hopes for therapy.
I did scheduale my first appointment with a counselor. Good luck to you! Maybe check with local community centers to see if they offer a sliding scale or free appointments? I feel more grounded just knowing that appointment is coming up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
[/QUOTE]
I did the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" thing and relapsed after 4 yrs. sober with disastrous results. Am also now getting an abandonment vibe as I am no longer her drinking buddy. I've not drank in a week and never will for any reason. My situation is not the same as yours in that there are no social activities required of me that have a lot of drinking going on (for me the drinking was always central) but I can mix for about an hour til the drunk people annoy me. Don't know if any of this helps but there is a difference between support and ridicule for not drinking and I need support.[/QUOTE]
I get being annoyed by the drunk and the "if I can't beat, join em" far too well. For the past three years, just now realizing that it was my AV justifying. For me I know with some trepidation that many of my relationships will be changing as I won't force myself to try and enjoy the endless hours of "activities" where the main focus is actually getting drunk When you were 4 years sober, how did things change in that area for you?
I did the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" thing and relapsed after 4 yrs. sober with disastrous results. Am also now getting an abandonment vibe as I am no longer her drinking buddy. I've not drank in a week and never will for any reason. My situation is not the same as yours in that there are no social activities required of me that have a lot of drinking going on (for me the drinking was always central) but I can mix for about an hour til the drunk people annoy me. Don't know if any of this helps but there is a difference between support and ridicule for not drinking and I need support.[/QUOTE]
I get being annoyed by the drunk and the "if I can't beat, join em" far too well. For the past three years, just now realizing that it was my AV justifying. For me I know with some trepidation that many of my relationships will be changing as I won't force myself to try and enjoy the endless hours of "activities" where the main focus is actually getting drunk
When you were 4 years sober, how did things change in that area for you?
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