Lola23

Hi All,

Day 9 here...and I've been feeling pretty good. BUT tomorrow my friends are taking me out for my 35th bday (actual bday is Monday). It will be dinner with a total of 8 of us. I'm nervous. Like...really nervous.

Now, out of the group, a couple have young babies, 2 are nursing and one is pregnant, so its going to be a tame group and I'm looking forward to a nice dinner with some fun friends. I just wonder about how people will react when I say "no thanks" as drinks are being served. See...this is a group of professional women who have it together. And by all accounts, on the outside, I seem that way as well. The group does not know that in the last 2-3 years, as everyone else was getting married and starting separate lives, my drinking has escalated from an occasional dinner with a little too much wine, or an occasional Friday or Sat where we went a little too hard....into an everyday "drink as soon as I leave work until I pass out on my couch" party of one.

I really feel committed to not drinking, and I have practiced a few things to say about turning down the drinks, but I'm still nervous. I don't feel ready to tell the whole truth about my drinking yet, I might never feel ready. I'm just going to stay committed to being sober. I'm sober today and when I wake up tomorrow I'm going to re-commit to going to bed sober tomorrow.

Any advice on things people have told their friends/family before they were ready to come clean is appreciated.

Hope everyone is well!

ReadyAtLast

Are you comfortable going into a drinking environment and NOT drinking? For me,that would have been virtually impossible so early on and more important than what others think of me.

Congrats on 9 days sobriety

MandalayVA

Chances are no one's going to make a huge deal over you not drinking. If on the off chance someone asks why you're not, just say "I don't feel like it" and leave it at that. Don't overthink things and you'll be fine.

ultradad

My counselor told me I had to choose between saving face or save my a**

If you're not ready to just come clean, which I think would be great as if these are your friends they should understand and support you. Also, it will give you an aspect of accountability. Other than that I would tell them I recently found out I was allergic to alcohol and could no longer drink...actually true statement if you consider yourself an alcoholic.

Either way, self-will in situations like that can be tricky : ) Be-careful and good luck!

This disease wants us dead and is not to be toyed with!

Cathryn2001

I've used "I'm on medication." It got me through the first 11 months.

PurpleKnight

Social occasions call for:

-A pre prepared answer to the question "what are you drinking", you gotta have that answer second nature, no thinking, straight out, "I'll have a . . "
-All night long have a drink in hand, no empty glasses, that opens the door to "Lola can have that last bit of wine, it's her birthday" . . . not if Lola has a full glass of something else.
-You need a support structure if you're struggling during the occasion, download the SR app to your phone, have a few contacts you can call to chat to.
-What's your escape plan? when someone mentions "let's go to to a club, it is your birthday after all" . . .what's the answer?!!

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail . . . you gotta put the work in beforehand!!

I went to my sister's wedding 2 weeks ago, and rather than having a go, I know it can be done, you can do this!!

ReadyAtLast

I don't think people are 'having a go' I most certainly was not. I was questioning whether going into a drinking environment so early in sobriety is a good idea. In my experience and my opinion is that it isn't a good idea.

Of course there will always be events but part of getting sober is learning that it is ok to say no. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone, particularly in the first few days/weeks of sobriety.

PurpleKnight

I certainly wasn't saying anyone else was having a go, it's not my place to criticise others!!

But in the past I found myself "having a go" at people that announced they were attending social events so early into Sobriety, but I've changed my perspective since 2 weeks ago, I can lend some experience to the conversation, having been there on the battlefield

Again the choice is Lola's to make, and certainly my experience won't suit everyone, but I am entitled to share it, surely?!!

I felt reading the thread, rather than say don't go, which would be my first option, I think I shared this on a previous thread started by Lola, I thought I would share some experience towards attending the event!!

ReadyAtLast

I apologise PK I thought you thought I was having a go at Lola. Of course the choice is Lola's.

My angle on this is as the months have gone by I've learned it is ok to say no.

PurpleKnight

Definitely!! . . . if something is going to be too much, there is no shame in saying no!!

We gotta do what we gotta do to stay Sober, and sometimes that means choosing our battles!!

Lola23

Hey -- thanks all. Appreciate all the thoughts/advice, and I absolutely take to heart all the differing views...which is why I really have found SR so useful so far! Everyone has different experiences. I know ultimately its my choice to make...but hey, as some wise folks once said -- I get by with a little help from my friends (that's you guys!)

Ready - you're right to wonder whether I'm ready to be in a drinking environment and I've asked myself that as well. If it was a bar crawl or going to some loud club, I absolutely would back out. But being in a restaurant and not drinking while others are has been ok for me in the past. As long as there is food involved, there is something else to do besides drinking. Yes, I am nervous, but I also don't want to go the rest of my life w/o being able to have a meal with friends out at a restaurant.

Purple - thanks for the specific tips. I will be keeping my glass filled with sparkling water with a splash of cranberry. The good thing about that is that I feel like people will kinda assume I'm having vodka/soda unless its outright announced that I'm not. As far as going to a club, I think there are about 2 in the group that MIGHT be looking to stay out late. The rest have babies at home or are preggo's so I think things will wrap up nicely after dinner.

Also - I have no idea what "having a go" even means! Ha! But glad to know no one was "having a go" at me...I think?

ReadyAtLast

Must be an English/Irish phrase. Hard to explain what it means really Sort of criticizing/picking on/querying but not in a positive way

I'm glad you're feeling ok and it's good to have responses prepared and to plan ahead. Happy Birthday for Monday

Boobooka

You could always say you were showing support and solidarity for the one who is pregnant and the two who are nursing. They won't be drinking, will they?

Happy sober bday, BTW

Lola23

Haha! Nice one, hadn't thought of that.