Serper2014

I have to go... It's my best friend of 7 year's birthday tonight. It's a house party and yes there will be drinking. I can't not go. He has been too good of a friend. I've also had little social contact since I got sober. I've been needing that social contact badly. I knew there would be a party sometime this week for my friend, but I didn't know when.. I have an hour to prepare myself mentally. Tonight was the first time I heard my AV very strongly since I got sober. For those that don't believe in that, I was brushing my teeth 20 mins ago and I said I can have a couple of beers I've been good for awhile. Then I was like Shut up AV! And I came on here to get ANY advice from people that are long time sober how they dealt with their first exposure to alcohol. I can't stay in my room forever and hide on these forums. So how did you handle it successfully? Thanks so much, I love you guys.

LadyinBC

I can't remember what your sober time is, but I would rethink this. You don't have to do anything. A good friend would understand if you didn't go.

However, if you insist on going the best thing to do is make sure you have a plan in case you need to leave ASAP.

No you can't hide forever, but it is important that a person doesn't put themselves in these situations either. I don't go to parties or bars and I never will go to them. Especially if there is a lot of drinking.

No person, situation or social event will ever be me more important than my sobriety. And I won't apologize for it either. It is just the way it has to be.

Dee74

I stayed away from parties for several months.

I needed to put clear distance between the life I used to lead and the life I wanted, and between the man I used to be and who I wanted to be.

Doesn't mean you need to be a hermit. You can find all kinds of things to do that don;t involve alcohol - it might take a little effort but it's not impossible

I really believe if I hadn't been prepared to make those sacrifices I would have never gotten sober, cos nothing would have changed.

If he's that good a friend wouldn't he understand you not being there - especially if you made other arrangement to have a private get together on another day?

D

Anna

SO often, I read here 'I have to go...' and I always think, No, you choose to go. You don't have to stay in your room but you also don't have to go to a party where alcohol will be flowing. It's a choice. I couldn't have done it so stayed away from such things. But, I was social. Meet up with friends for coffee, go for a hike, there are tons of things you can do where alcohol is not involved.

I hope things go well for you tonight.

MIRecovery

The only thing we have to do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad.

When my son got married I said I would be at the wedding but made no guarantee about the reception

My sobriety is more important than anything else because without my sobriety I have nothing

tomsteve

if hes your best friend of 7 years, he must know about your problem with alcohol and would understand you not attending.

I second this statement for LadyinBC:
No person, situation or social event will ever be me more important than my sobriety. And I won't apologize for it either.


not sure what long time sobriety is, but I didn't go around wet places for 3 years. even tothis day ive only been around wet places a handful of times and a lot better motive than because someone was so good to me.

how I did it successfully:
right motive
fit spiritual condition
had an escape route.

ultradad

Dude, You're only 12 days sober and you're already having thoughts that a couple will be okay... You don't have to do anything! My advice is don't go, but in the end you're going to do what you want. Just remember this disease wants to kill you! I am a firm believe that it's not to be toyed with, I seriously wouldn't go!

I understand not staying stuck in a room all the time, but go to an AA meeting, go to a movie or out to eat...not a house party! If your friend is any friend at all he'll understand!

Just my perspective...good luck!

RunnerBean

If your best friend of 7 years knows you are an alcoholic and trying to quit, he/she will understand. If said friend doesn't know that you're an alcoholic, they are perhaps not ''too good a friend.''

If you were a crack addict, would you return to your crack den 12 days after ridding yourself of the substance? Sorry for the slightly abrasive tone, but I am struggling today as I am a home-drinker and I'm struggling with my cravings. But you won't find me hanging around the liquor store, playing with fire.

Good luck

SoberHoopsFan

Hope it worked out for you man, I understand the dilemma. Best bet, go for a bit and have an escape plan in case things get uncomfortable. It's not like anyone is going to tie you down and force liquor into your throat, at the end of the day it's always our choice (and our choice alone) to pick up the first drink. I am trying to avoid situations like that but certain places are unavoidable. You're stronger than your urge to drink dude!

Jupiters

I'm with everyone else that thinks this is probably not an ideal plan. But it is YOUR choice, and make no mistake..it is a choice.
If he is a good friend, would he want you to *possibly* jeopardize your good work in staying sober. Flip the switch...if it were HIM in your position...would you not understand 100% why he couldn't come and make other sober plans on another day?

I hope all goes (or went) well. I know I after 12 days, no way in hell could I go to a house party where booze was flowing like water.

ScottFromWI

You don't HAVE to do anything Serper. This is just the same thing as your idea to go hang out at a bar the other night. You are vulnerable and are already trying to rationalize having a couple before you have even decided if you are going to go to he party or not.

People miss parties all the time for a whole bunch of different reasons - the right decision is for you to not go, and I think you know it.

bigsombrero

As others have said - no, you don't have to go. I'll step out on a limb one step further and strongly recommend you don't go. We all understand: myself, I went to a bar the first day I got out of treatment because I thought "I have to learn how to handle myself around alcohol". So stupid.

If you're trying to recover from alcoholism, a party with your old mates on a Friday night is the last place you should be. In my opinion.