Day 17-Need Help!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Day 17-Need Help!
Hello All,
I have begun Day 17 and am feeling a deluge of emotions. Trying to keep in perspective H.A.L.T. and I am not hungry, but I feel very angry, lonely, and I have not slept real well for 3 nights, so I do feel worn down. It would be very easy to "take a break" and take a drink, to relieve some of this anxiety/anger. I have a lot going on in my life right now, just ended a 5 year relationship, and my father is dying.
I started the day right, worked out, even though I was tired, and have been eating very well. I am keeping busy. Alone with my thoughts though, I am angry about the breakup, and that we cannot do anything for my father. The weather is gloomy/stormy here, has been for a few days, so that doesn't help. I feel stronger and more committed to my sobriety than I have in the recent past, but it would be so easy to just ease the pain and take a drink....and I know where that would lead. Help!
I have begun Day 17 and am feeling a deluge of emotions. Trying to keep in perspective H.A.L.T. and I am not hungry, but I feel very angry, lonely, and I have not slept real well for 3 nights, so I do feel worn down. It would be very easy to "take a break" and take a drink, to relieve some of this anxiety/anger. I have a lot going on in my life right now, just ended a 5 year relationship, and my father is dying.
I started the day right, worked out, even though I was tired, and have been eating very well. I am keeping busy. Alone with my thoughts though, I am angry about the breakup, and that we cannot do anything for my father. The weather is gloomy/stormy here, has been for a few days, so that doesn't help. I feel stronger and more committed to my sobriety than I have in the recent past, but it would be so easy to just ease the pain and take a drink....and I know where that would lead. Help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
here's the thing about life;
it's up, it's down, the circumstances and surroundings flow by....
and along with that our emotions ride the flow... up.. down...
and if we're willing to sit with that and simply let the situation, the circumstances, the emotion be - it will eventually change.
My reflection here is to invite you to let things be... and sit with as much peace as you can, until you feel a shift. Because one thing for sure; it will.
it's up, it's down, the circumstances and surroundings flow by....
and along with that our emotions ride the flow... up.. down...
and if we're willing to sit with that and simply let the situation, the circumstances, the emotion be - it will eventually change.
My reflection here is to invite you to let things be... and sit with as much peace as you can, until you feel a shift. Because one thing for sure; it will.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
one other thing for you....
"When things don't go the way we hope, we can get all wrapped up around that. We can dwell in the space of our disappointment. We can begin to count the ways things haven't gone the way we've hoped in the past. We can scan the horizon for evidence that things to come aren't going to go the way we hope and we can create an entire universe of things not going the way we hope.
Another choice we can always make is to look for the goodness in the way things go when they don't go the way we hope. We can accept that things didn't align with our hope this time and we can choose to look for what beauty has come about as a result of the way things have gone. We can look back upon the times when things haven't gone as we'd hoped and find the growth and happiness that resulted. We can look forward and raise our eyes to the mysterious wonder of the future beauty headed our way and we can create an entire universe of gratitude and beauty.
Ain't it grand, to have choices?"
"When things don't go the way we hope, we can get all wrapped up around that. We can dwell in the space of our disappointment. We can begin to count the ways things haven't gone the way we've hoped in the past. We can scan the horizon for evidence that things to come aren't going to go the way we hope and we can create an entire universe of things not going the way we hope.
Another choice we can always make is to look for the goodness in the way things go when they don't go the way we hope. We can accept that things didn't align with our hope this time and we can choose to look for what beauty has come about as a result of the way things have gone. We can look back upon the times when things haven't gone as we'd hoped and find the growth and happiness that resulted. We can look forward and raise our eyes to the mysterious wonder of the future beauty headed our way and we can create an entire universe of gratitude and beauty.
Ain't it grand, to have choices?"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
FreeOwl,
Thank you for putting things in perspective. I have been getting very real with myself, and brutally honest, which I need badly to stay sober. I am a very grateful person, but today, I think I let go of that perspective. I want it all right now, which is a big source of the anxiety, and the anger. I have been "dwelling in the space of my disappointment."I will slow it down today, and live for, and be very grateful for the moment. "We can look forward and raise our eyes to the mysterious wonder of the future beauty headed our way and we can create an entire universe of gratitude and beauty," is excellent advice. I really thank you for taking the time, it has made a difference! Very thankful for everyone on SR!
Thank you for putting things in perspective. I have been getting very real with myself, and brutally honest, which I need badly to stay sober. I am a very grateful person, but today, I think I let go of that perspective. I want it all right now, which is a big source of the anxiety, and the anger. I have been "dwelling in the space of my disappointment."I will slow it down today, and live for, and be very grateful for the moment. "We can look forward and raise our eyes to the mysterious wonder of the future beauty headed our way and we can create an entire universe of gratitude and beauty," is excellent advice. I really thank you for taking the time, it has made a difference! Very thankful for everyone on SR!
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
BlueSkiesAhead, 17 days is FANTASTIC, congratulations. I was 56 when I committed to staying sober, now goin on 4 years. You started at 15 just like me and now you have abandoned your best friend, alcohol, and it is fighting back. I suffered just like you are, however, the junk thinking will go away with time. Just hang in there , tuff it out, you'll be glad ya did. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thank You Everyone,
This has been the hardest day yet, and I just got back from town (I live in a very rural area) where I ran for groceries and fuel. I am eating very healthy, thought it was a good idea to get out of the house, keeping busy. The local grocery store is also the local liquor store....huge selection, just staring at me. I honestly feel like a heavy weight is on my chest. That is the grief in my heart from the breakup, lot's of anxiety and self doubt. I called the relationship off after 5 years, so now I am wondering did I do the right thing etc. etc. I know it was best, but the grief is killing me. I am committed to working on me, before I can be a good partner.
I get my groceries and there are long lines at the checkout. I got in line behind 2 other customers. The first one in line is buying junk food and (2) 1.75Liter bottles of whiskey. The person right in front of me sets a 30 pack of beer up on the checkout, right in front of me. I could taste the booze, it was so close. I have a lot to keep me busy now that I am home again, and a great dinner planned. I feel like I am taking it one minute at a time, not one day at a time. This is killing me. I appreciate all of the insight, and am concentrating very hard on dealing with my AV, but this has been the worst day so far. I am not giving up, but the anxiety.......
Thank You for your support, I really need it today!
This has been the hardest day yet, and I just got back from town (I live in a very rural area) where I ran for groceries and fuel. I am eating very healthy, thought it was a good idea to get out of the house, keeping busy. The local grocery store is also the local liquor store....huge selection, just staring at me. I honestly feel like a heavy weight is on my chest. That is the grief in my heart from the breakup, lot's of anxiety and self doubt. I called the relationship off after 5 years, so now I am wondering did I do the right thing etc. etc. I know it was best, but the grief is killing me. I am committed to working on me, before I can be a good partner.
I get my groceries and there are long lines at the checkout. I got in line behind 2 other customers. The first one in line is buying junk food and (2) 1.75Liter bottles of whiskey. The person right in front of me sets a 30 pack of beer up on the checkout, right in front of me. I could taste the booze, it was so close. I have a lot to keep me busy now that I am home again, and a great dinner planned. I feel like I am taking it one minute at a time, not one day at a time. This is killing me. I appreciate all of the insight, and am concentrating very hard on dealing with my AV, but this has been the worst day so far. I am not giving up, but the anxiety.......
Thank You for your support, I really need it today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thank You Everyone, I'm re-posting the note I wrote earlier because the evening of Day 17 has proven to be a real bear as well. My stomach is tied in knots the anxiety is so strong. I am reaching out for help here rather than reaching for a bottle...a milestone for me.
This has been the hardest day yet, and I just got back from town (I live in a very rural area) where I ran for groceries and fuel. I am eating very healthy, thought it was a good idea to get out of the house, keeping busy. The local grocery store is also the local liquor store....huge selection, just staring at me. I honestly feel like a heavy weight is on my chest. That is the grief in my heart from the breakup, lot's of anxiety and self doubt. I called the relationship off after 5 years, so now I am wondering did I do the right thing etc. etc. I know it was best, but the grief is killing me. I am committed to working on me, before I can be a good partner.
I get my groceries and there are long lines at the checkout. I got in line behind 2 other customers. The first one in line is buying junk food and (2) 1.75Liter bottles of whiskey. The person right in front of me sets a 30 pack of beer up on the checkout, right in front of me. I could taste the booze, it was so close. I have a lot to keep me busy now that I am home again, and a great dinner planned. I feel like I am taking it one minute at a time, not one day at a time. This is killing me. I appreciate all of the insight, and am concentrating very hard on dealing with my AV, but this has been the worst day so far. I am not giving up, but the anxiety.......
Thank You for your support, I really need it today!
This has been the hardest day yet, and I just got back from town (I live in a very rural area) where I ran for groceries and fuel. I am eating very healthy, thought it was a good idea to get out of the house, keeping busy. The local grocery store is also the local liquor store....huge selection, just staring at me. I honestly feel like a heavy weight is on my chest. That is the grief in my heart from the breakup, lot's of anxiety and self doubt. I called the relationship off after 5 years, so now I am wondering did I do the right thing etc. etc. I know it was best, but the grief is killing me. I am committed to working on me, before I can be a good partner.
I get my groceries and there are long lines at the checkout. I got in line behind 2 other customers. The first one in line is buying junk food and (2) 1.75Liter bottles of whiskey. The person right in front of me sets a 30 pack of beer up on the checkout, right in front of me. I could taste the booze, it was so close. I have a lot to keep me busy now that I am home again, and a great dinner planned. I feel like I am taking it one minute at a time, not one day at a time. This is killing me. I appreciate all of the insight, and am concentrating very hard on dealing with my AV, but this has been the worst day so far. I am not giving up, but the anxiety.......
Thank You for your support, I really need it today!
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