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Old 06-18-2014, 11:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Relapsed again, feeling broken


hello, i've been trying to stay stopped the last couple of years and managed 5 months sober, then 3, another 3 etc. I drank daily, a lot, before this and the consequences are endless. I'm really feeling utterly depressed today after relapsing again, drinking solidly for 24 hours and as a result hurt family, risking becoming homeless again and worse of all just losing hope.

i hear lots about rock bottoms, i can't handle going further down. did anybody else have multiple relapses before achieving long term sobriety? how did you get there? i always seem to have the strength early on but i seem to talk myself into despite knowing there will be consequences.

would love to hear from somebody, thank you
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Brach. Returning to drinking after a period of sobriety is very common, most people don't have success immediately. What were you doing during those multple months sober that worked? Did you have any kind of formal plan like 12 step or a secular method? You must have been doing something right...the key is figuring out what works and building on it.
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Relapse is simply part of addiction. We want to quit and then suffer difficulty in doing so. That makes us addicts.
But we get up...and we try again. We quit again. Hopefully we take a look at our failure and learned something from it. We plan better. We prepare better. We seek new solutions. We just keep trying. We don't give up. You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.

"To have failed is to have striven. To have striven is to have grown"

Welcome. You are among friends.
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:29 AM   #4 (permalink)
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thank you so much for your reply Scott. in the past I did lots of aa, then stopped after relapsing there a few times, then just tried to build and live a productive life that I was loving but for some reason I just end up feeling that I'm missing something and having a blow out. i just wish I could stop my convincing myself that I need to drink
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome Brach,

Dude, I use to relapse every 2-3 weeks after making what I thought were the most honest and sincere promises to my family and myself! It took me finally accepting who I am and instead of talking about the problem, finding a solution! I wen't to two AA meetings and thought I would be fine, made it 28 days and relapsed...the most time sober I had in years! Really threw me for a loop! My buddy would get 4-5 months, but always relapse...I was almost ready to throw in the towel when someone told me that AA was my only hope and that it took more than just meetings, but I actually had to do the steps, get a sponsor and have a plan of action! I volunteered for a 14 day inpatient-treatment facility and then did 7 days intense outpatient treatment to finish up the program. I attend AA meeting 4-6 times a week, have a sponsor, home group and I'm working the steps! I've never felt better in my life! I know without a doubt that if not for AA I would have already relapsed, I can do this on my own, no way! Not sure what you're doing for recovery, but my experience is that AA works and I'm sure there are other great programs, but we all need a plan!

Don't beat yourself up, that's the last thing you need to do. Pick your head up and get going again...they told me relapse is a big part of recovery, but it doesn't have to be!

Pulling for you man!
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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wow thank you nuudawn and ultradad, I know that i am stuck in self pity at the moment, but this gut feeling of fear and sadness won't shift just yet. hearing back from you guys has made me feel better already though, thank you.
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Day 1 is difficult..and it is often fraught with self pity, fear, despair...all those ugly monsters. I don't think it is normal to bounce out of bed and think "OH YEAH...I GOT THIS..Today is the day!!".
Hang in there. Read around...and most importantly,,, please stay around : )
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Old 06-18-2014, 11:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
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A lot of folks say you reach "rock bottom" when you stop digging.
It can be tough throwing that shovel away forever.
But, it can be done. Use this site as a tool or any other tools you can muster up.
You are stronger than you think my friend.
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Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

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Old 06-18-2014, 12:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ultradad View Post
Welcome Brach,

Dude, I use to relapse every 2-3 weeks after making what I thought were the most honest and sincere promises to my family and myself! It took me finally accepting who I am and instead of talking about the problem, finding a solution! I wen't to two AA meetings and thought I would be fine, made it 28 days and relapsed...the most time sober I had in years! Really threw me for a loop! My buddy would get 4-5 months, but always relapse...I was almost ready to throw in the towel when someone told me that AA was my only hope and that it took more than just meetings, but I actually had to do the steps, get a sponsor and have a plan of action! I volunteered for a 14 day inpatient-treatment facility and then did 7 days intense outpatient treatment to finish up the program. I attend AA meeting 4-6 times a week, have a sponsor, home group and I'm working the steps! I've never felt better in my life! I know without a doubt that if not for AA I would have already relapsed, I can do this on my own, no way! Not sure what you're doing for recovery, but my experience is that AA works and I'm sure there are other great programs, but we all need a plan!

Don't beat yourself up, that's the last thing you need to do. Pick your head up and get going again...they told me relapse is a big part of recovery, but it doesn't have to be!

Pulling for you man!
I have yet to meet an alcoholic or addict that can successfully recover without a plan/program. Does not have to be AA, RR, or the like. Can be using SR as a lifeline or one of the monthly groups that I can attest work. However, without a plan eventually my mind would convince me I am over the disease and then boom, relapse.

I choose AA and I am working the steps, which is what I believe is AA's solution to alcoholism. For me this goes well beyond just sobriety though and targets the core of my problems, resulting in a psychic change. This is allowing me to live my life and free from the abject slavery of addiction.

Stick around and keep posting - your in the right place.
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Old 06-18-2014, 12:27 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Between making the decision to get Sober and actually getting Sober, I spent a year continually relapsing.

I needed to accept that abstinence doesn't cure or somehow fix me, 1 drink will always open the flood gates to a binge, I am NOT cured!! After that I needed to get a plan in place, one that creates both support and accountability.

The biggest factor was not simply taking out alcohol from my life and continuing on, that simply creates a whole lot of time sitting around bored and guess what, thinking about alcohol, which always ended in disaster. Instead I needed to carve out a new Sober lifestyle, a whole new pattern of life that does not facilitate the drinking of alcohol!!

You can do this!!
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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brach123, I am also at day 1....again hang in there!
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:07 PM   #12 (permalink)
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yep... I've been there.

put together 5 months... then decided to give some controlled drinking a try... then came 2+ years of 'trying to quit' or 'trying to moderate' with absolutely no success and lots of frustration, shame and misery.

finally grew tired of it and came face to face with enough further consequences that I had to admit things were going to really fall to pieces if I didn't take action and change.

AA, SR, a sponsor, getting active in my sobriety, ensuring daily reminders of why my choice of sobriety was the one I wanted to honor, having a PLAN for every situation where drinking would be involved and how to respond to temptation, having a bail out plan if my plan didn't pan out....

So far it's nearly 6 months and I feel like this time I have truly come to terms with and accepted not drinking. I now see it as a positive choice and - increasingly - a really great blessing versus a chore.

Keep at it!
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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i can't explain how much your replies have helped me today, it's really comforting that you are there as just been lonely as hell, thank you all, i'm gonna hang around here
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
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oh and well done newfighter, let's both keep this as our sober date hey, take care.
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I am determined to keep this date brach123, lets do it!
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:33 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I hope you stick around and work whatever recovery program you choose.

It should hurt a lot less than drinking again.
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hi There,

I have been relapsing for 10 years and couldn't put 2 weeks together since I was 16.(now 36). After admitting to myself that I couldn't do it on my own anymore, I decided to check into a detox. It gave me 72 hours and the help of professionals to start me on my way.

I now have 4.5 months sober and have been attending AA meetings and trying to live by the suggestions of others. Its not easy, but my worst day now beats my best day when I was using.

I hope you find your path!
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Old 06-18-2014, 06:53 PM   #18 (permalink)
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It took me 15 years to stop drinking Brach
You're streets ahead of me.

Look at what you've been doing tho - obviously it's not working well enough for you, yeah?
.
Have you any ideas on what you might add, or what you could do differently?

D
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Old 06-19-2014, 01:17 PM   #19 (permalink)
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thanks again for your replies guys, spent the day in bed reading these forums and listening to xaspeakers to try drown out all the fear and self hate my mind is causing. but sober thank god.

dee - i hadn't been doing enough recovery wise, at all, I think because I didn't get it at aa yet I had started trying to do it on my own again. I have been far from spiritually well though and wrapped in self. I'm going to go back to aa and focus on my recovery over everything else.

have tomorrow to find somewhere to live though as had been back at my parents for the last month after living in a hostel but now they've had enough and I understand why but doesn't stop me being filled with fear about being on the streets in 2 days.
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Old 06-19-2014, 01:47 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Don't let bad thoughts rule the day.
You are here and you want better things for your life.
And that's what we are all striving for.
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Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

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