Haven't been diagnosed, but
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 4
Haven't been diagnosed, but
I have not been diagnosed as an alcoholic but I suspect that I am. I exude too many of the characteristics, though I have actually controlled it a lot better over the last year. But I still drink alone once a week, and if my wife and little girl are out of town I drink a lot.
I'm actually getting tired of drinking, even getting a little bored with it, but I still do it and end up angry at myself for doing it. In doing so, I sneak behind my wife's back making sure she doesn't see the trash, that I try to cut myself off at a certain amount so she won't smell it much on me the next day, and I even use a gas card to buy the beer more often than not so she won't find out I'm using cash.
In addition, I was diagnosed as a diabetic last year, am about 80 pounds over weight, and I smoke a lot when I drink, though I never smoke when I don't drink.
Last night, with my wife and daughter out of town, I drank 20 beers and smoked nearly two packs of cigarettes. I feel awful physically and emotionally. The extending problem is that I never work out the day after drinking and always eat terrible food. So it is the gift that keeps on giving, sarcastically so to speak.
So, I am here to explore. To "listen" and learn. I can't go to rehab though at times I think it is necessary. I guess I need to attend an AA meeting, but am not sure if I can muster the courage to do so.
Before signing off, a little background: I started drinking when I was 14, eventually was a heavy drinker in high school and college, kept it up after school and throughout my single life, often several binges a week. I slowed when I got married but have kept a weekly pace (at least) while married.
I am curious if there are others out there who've traveled a similar path, and if so, what did you do.
Thank you, and I look forward to your responses.
I'm actually getting tired of drinking, even getting a little bored with it, but I still do it and end up angry at myself for doing it. In doing so, I sneak behind my wife's back making sure she doesn't see the trash, that I try to cut myself off at a certain amount so she won't smell it much on me the next day, and I even use a gas card to buy the beer more often than not so she won't find out I'm using cash.
In addition, I was diagnosed as a diabetic last year, am about 80 pounds over weight, and I smoke a lot when I drink, though I never smoke when I don't drink.
Last night, with my wife and daughter out of town, I drank 20 beers and smoked nearly two packs of cigarettes. I feel awful physically and emotionally. The extending problem is that I never work out the day after drinking and always eat terrible food. So it is the gift that keeps on giving, sarcastically so to speak.
So, I am here to explore. To "listen" and learn. I can't go to rehab though at times I think it is necessary. I guess I need to attend an AA meeting, but am not sure if I can muster the courage to do so.
Before signing off, a little background: I started drinking when I was 14, eventually was a heavy drinker in high school and college, kept it up after school and throughout my single life, often several binges a week. I slowed when I got married but have kept a weekly pace (at least) while married.
I am curious if there are others out there who've traveled a similar path, and if so, what did you do.
Thank you, and I look forward to your responses.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Leeds
Posts: 399
Yeah I'd say so. To be honest, I think pretty much everyone who asks that question is because responsible drinkers don't sit around wondering whether they are alcoholics. They just don't.
Don't believe the media portrayal of the alcoholic, they could be the businessman just as easily as the homeless guy.
As for the overweight thing, it's pretty much impossible to lose weight while drinking that much. You're just taking in too many calories. Hey at 1-2 pounds a week (responsible weight loss) you could be at your ideal weight within a year. You have more than enough time to turn your health around.
Getting physically fit is one of the greatest things sobriety gave me, it's more than just improving your appearance/health, it changes your world view in ways you didn't think possible.
As for the "how", well I tried and relapsed several times, until I quit. I stupidly went cold turkey and risked my health massively. Do not do that. Go to a doctor and he'll get you on the right path.
Don't believe the media portrayal of the alcoholic, they could be the businessman just as easily as the homeless guy.
As for the overweight thing, it's pretty much impossible to lose weight while drinking that much. You're just taking in too many calories. Hey at 1-2 pounds a week (responsible weight loss) you could be at your ideal weight within a year. You have more than enough time to turn your health around.
Getting physically fit is one of the greatest things sobriety gave me, it's more than just improving your appearance/health, it changes your world view in ways you didn't think possible.
As for the "how", well I tried and relapsed several times, until I quit. I stupidly went cold turkey and risked my health massively. Do not do that. Go to a doctor and he'll get you on the right path.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome EM. Your story is a familiar one to many of us here, so know that you are among folks that understand. Don't worry so much about whether or not you have been "diagnosed" as an alcohlic - the term is really not as important as being honest with yourself about your drinking. If you think AA might help that's a great thing to try - meetings are a great place to meet people just like you who want to stop drinking, or who already have and want to help others do the same. SR is also a great place to listen and read - it is my main source of information and support about sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by EM33 
X
So, I am here to explore. To "listen" and learn. I can't go to rehab though at times I think it is necessary. I guess I need to attend an AA meeting, but am not sure if I can muster the courage to do so.
X.
So, I am here to explore. To "listen" and learn. I can't go to rehab though at times I think it is necessary. I guess I need to attend an AA meeting, but am not sure if I can muster the courage to do so.
X.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...archid=5250014
as for being diagnosed, im thinkin it would be best for you to make the decision if you are or aren't and could be helpful to understand what it means to be an alcoholic.
and im thinkin being here on this sight may be one thing pointing into the direction ya may be an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 4
Thank you for your replies so far. Just getting a response is helpful.
I actually exercise six days a week, have lost about 50 pounds in the last year - had a 6-month stall after my mother died and faced a few other adversities - but feel like I'm back on track except about once a week, maybe every 10 days, I drink.
It's interesting some of you say to not worry about being technically diagnosed. I guess you're right saying if I'm on this site and asking the question it's likely I am. At the very least, I have a problem that must be corrected.
Is there a gray area nestled between not being an alcoholic and actually being one? I ask because I used to never drink even one beer if I either didn't want to drink a lot later or couldn't. Now, however, I can have a couple of beers at dinner and don't map out in my mind how I'm going to get an 18-pack later that evening after my wife goes to bed and get loaded. I can have a couple and am fine with it.
Thanks again for your replies. It's already been helpful.
I actually exercise six days a week, have lost about 50 pounds in the last year - had a 6-month stall after my mother died and faced a few other adversities - but feel like I'm back on track except about once a week, maybe every 10 days, I drink.
It's interesting some of you say to not worry about being technically diagnosed. I guess you're right saying if I'm on this site and asking the question it's likely I am. At the very least, I have a problem that must be corrected.
Is there a gray area nestled between not being an alcoholic and actually being one? I ask because I used to never drink even one beer if I either didn't want to drink a lot later or couldn't. Now, however, I can have a couple of beers at dinner and don't map out in my mind how I'm going to get an 18-pack later that evening after my wife goes to bed and get loaded. I can have a couple and am fine with it.
Thanks again for your replies. It's already been helpful.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by EM33
Is there a gray area nestled between not being an alcoholic and actually being one? I ask because I used to never drink even one beer if I either didn't want to drink a lot later or couldn't. Now, however, I can have a couple of beers at dinner and don't map out in my mind how I'm going to get an 18-pack later that evening after my wife goes to bed and get loaded. I can have a couple and am fine with it.
I'm in my mid 40's. Everytime I drank was not necessarily an all out drunk fest...not everytime.
But in reality...it was like playing russian roulette for me.
That's how my addiction works.
I am unable to predict when all out drunken annihilation will occur. Although I have stopped at one or two in a sitting ...for whatever reason...once the bottle is uncorked so to speak...
Where she stops nobody knows....
That's a problem for me. It's been a problem a long, long time.
Abstinence is my only guarantee that everybody'gonna get home safely so to speak...
And that's not a 100% guarantee...but it's the only thing in MY control.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by EM33
Is there a gray area nestled between not being an alcoholic and actually being one? I ask because I used to never drink even one beer if I either didn't want to drink a lot later or couldn't. Now, however, I can have a couple of beers at dinner and don't map out in my mind how I'm going to get an 18-pack later that evening after my wife goes to bed and get loaded. I can have a couple and am fine with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Really doesn't matter who thinks you're an alcoholic or not, not even your doctor. To me anyway. You have to come to terms yourself. In fact, this is one of those things you get to self-diagnose then self-heal. I wish there was a pill to fix this terrible disease, but sadly, it's all hard work on your part. I wish you the best, you want to be around for that little precious girl you have.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 4
You all are correct. I used to really enjoy drinking. It was fun, but over the last few years it hasn't been as fun. I often stand outside leaning on the deck railing thinking about stuff. Sometimes my mind drifts off and I analyze or "suggest" in my mind things about money, politics, sports, life in general, including mapping out exercise and weight-loss plans. Next thing you know it's four hours later and I've downed 15 beers.
It's no longer fun and significantly affects my mind and disposition the next day. I'm going through that right now. I can go the next week or two without having anything, working out each day, being productive, etc, but suddenly that bug will bite and the cycle will continue.
It's no longer fun and significantly affects my mind and disposition the next day. I'm going through that right now. I can go the next week or two without having anything, working out each day, being productive, etc, but suddenly that bug will bite and the cycle will continue.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 42
hi! Welcome here :-)
I've found a community here which means I am not alone, and it makes it so much better... can find someone to talk to, with a story, a view, that needs help, that can help....
And that's what I needed - I struggled on my own, like drinking made me feel less lonely and now, I don't anymore. Everyone needs something different.
Being here means you're taking a good step.... I don't think you need to be "defined as" by a doctor... you already know this isn't what you want it to be.
You don't seem to be doing anyone any damage apart from yourself, but you have identified that there is a trigger but don't know what it is.
Have a look at this website.... it shows the idea that the bug is something you can fight....
Rational Recovery | The Structural Model of Addiction
and it's always a good time to want the best for yourself and those around you....
Hope you find some inspiration on here...
I messed up my life so badly, I'm thankful for the support and encouragement I get here. I've seen positive changes in a short time and I will not pretend I can do this alone.
I've found a community here which means I am not alone, and it makes it so much better... can find someone to talk to, with a story, a view, that needs help, that can help....
And that's what I needed - I struggled on my own, like drinking made me feel less lonely and now, I don't anymore. Everyone needs something different.
Being here means you're taking a good step.... I don't think you need to be "defined as" by a doctor... you already know this isn't what you want it to be.
You don't seem to be doing anyone any damage apart from yourself, but you have identified that there is a trigger but don't know what it is.
Have a look at this website.... it shows the idea that the bug is something you can fight....
Rational Recovery | The Structural Model of Addiction
and it's always a good time to want the best for yourself and those around you....
Hope you find some inspiration on here...
I messed up my life so badly, I'm thankful for the support and encouragement I get here. I've seen positive changes in a short time and I will not pretend I can do this alone.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome EM
I think that's the bottom line.
Not drinking helped me break that cycle - you'll find a ton of support here
D
It's no longer fun and significantly affects my mind and disposition the next day. I'm going through that right now. I can go the next week or two without having anything, working out each day, being productive, etc, but suddenly that bug will bite and the cycle will continue.
Not drinking helped me break that cycle - you'll find a ton of support here
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome EM33. I think you'll really benefit by being here & talking things over.
It took me a long time to admit drinking was no longer fun or relaxing. I clung to it because I had enjoyed it long ago & it had been an escape from monotony. Instead of working on why I drank, I just kept drinking more. It all ended very badly - so I'm glad you're taking action now and deciding what needs to be done.
It took me a long time to admit drinking was no longer fun or relaxing. I clung to it because I had enjoyed it long ago & it had been an escape from monotony. Instead of working on why I drank, I just kept drinking more. It all ended very badly - so I'm glad you're taking action now and deciding what needs to be done.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome,
As everyone has said, it's how you feel when you drink that is the problem. It sounds like it robs you of the life you want, your health and fitness and peace of mind. It sure did that for me.
I hope you decide to stop drinking and live a sober life.
As everyone has said, it's how you feel when you drink that is the problem. It sounds like it robs you of the life you want, your health and fitness and peace of mind. It sure did that for me.
I hope you decide to stop drinking and live a sober life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 4
I am truly overwhelmed by the response to my initial post. It's a relief to not live a lie here, but to also know there are others out there who have successfully navigated their way to happier, sober times.
I don't know any of you, yet I am already sensing a kinship. That's comforting and likely will be helpful down the road. Maybe one day I can offer someone in need the same kind of support you guys have given me. Thank you so much.
I don't know any of you, yet I am already sensing a kinship. That's comforting and likely will be helpful down the road. Maybe one day I can offer someone in need the same kind of support you guys have given me. Thank you so much.
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