Sobertaurus

Well, there is no point is beating around the bush. I got a solid two weeks under my belt and then it was gone. I wish I could give some good reason, but I'm not entirely sure myself why I picked up the first drink. It was some weird kind of autopilot.

But, it doesn't change anything I decided or where I know I need to go. It doesn't negate two weeks of success or the awareness I gained from it. I need to get back on track starting today and stay there. I don't want to give up because I lost it.

Anyway. Back again and plenty embarrassed but need to move on in the right direction.

FreeOwl

shake off the embarassment. We've pretty much ALL been there.

I've been there many times.

Review the fall as honestly as you can, spend some time identifying what you'll do differently this time. Learn all you can from the experience and use it to further reinforce your choice to live a more joyous and rich life path in sobriety!

Jupiters

I met with a new counsellor last night for the first time. And we were talking about my last bender (mother days weekend) when I acquired my 2nd DUI....(not a proud day)....she asked me "so what happened? what made you pick that drink up on Friday?"
(my previous binge was almost 7 weeks earlier after a HUGE fight with the BF and promising I wouldn't drink....)

I have NO clue. I spent my entire week in detox thinking about that very same question. Things were going good. I was working out regularly and feeling great, work was good, relationship good...I don't even recall getting the wine that Friday (TOTAL BLACKOUT) ...got into another fight that night (Don't recall this whatsoever) and then Saturday was arrested at home. That was 38 days ago....I still have no idea what happened that Friday after work, what possessed me to buy bottle(s) of wine. I don't even remember.
autopilot - it's like invasion of the body snatchers or something equally bizarre.
scary s***.

welcome back! Stay strong!

Nuudawn

Doesn't look like you are.

I had a week in May. Drank. Then another 9 days. Drank. I'll have 3 weeks tomorrow. I'm feeling a lot more solid now.

Like the old equestrian advice...when you get bucked off the horse. Just get right back on ...and ride.

Mabel4

Right there with you Sobertaurus. I gave in after only one day. Not sure why I keep going back to it. I always think this time it will be fun, but it never is. Why I can't get that idea out of my head, I don't know.

So, I am back at Day One myself and plan to stay sober at least today. It truly is one day at a time, because who knows what tomorrow will bring?

PurpleKnight

Go at it again, and you'll get there!!

IOAA2

Hi. Also remember that “the reward is greater than the sacrifice.”

BE WELL

HeadLump

Well done for getting straight back on it, sobertaurus. Never give up the fight

Raider

Keep at it, just keep at it.......

Sobertaurus

Thank you all so much. It helps to know I am not alone.

Gottalife

[QUOTE=Sobertaurus;4723271] I wish I could give some good reason, but I'm not entirely sure myself why I picked up the first drink. It was some weird kind of autopilot."

That happened to me a lot. It's what we call the strange mental blank spot. For some reason at certain times we cannot bring into out minds with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defence against the first drink.

It may be that we can find. Defence through psychological means, like avoiding triggers and " think through the drink", but I was was never able to do that consistently. That's what powerless, or losing the power of choice means to me. The most powerful desire to quit was not enough, and it seemed no human power could provide that defence.

Yet today I am happily sober, triggers don't exist, I don't even think about drinking, the problem has gone.