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Unexpected trigger, need help

Old 06-16-2014, 07:58 PM
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Unexpected trigger, need help

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy and they just showed Patrick Dempsey downing glass after glass of some kind of booze. And suddenly I have an intense urge to go get my dad's rum out of the freezer. I have 48 days clean, if I go back to using my parents are done with me and alcohol is usually the gateway to me relapsing on the drugs. So just one night of drinking could have serious consequences for me.

But I still feel like I want it, I can't get the thought out of my head and am not sure how to get through the night without giving in to it.
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:01 PM
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Something that helps me when I see alcohol depicted like that on tv is to look at the glass and understand it is very likely to be cranberry juice, or apple juice or root beer. I don't know why but it almost immediately seems to derail the power a scene like that has on me.

And then I think about the actor leaving the warm root beer on the set, getting into his car and going to the gym….just another day at the office for him
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:14 PM
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I like to switch alcohol fantasies to fantasies of something else I want like a warm brownie with melted chocolate chips piled with chocolate frosting...Dwelling on a delicious treat has sometimes got me cravings for food and forgot about alcohol
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:16 PM
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Remember that it's just a feeling - you don't have to act on it. Check the basics first...are you Hungry, thirsty or tired? Satisfying those basic needs can many times cure the cravings pretty quickly.
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:16 PM
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Any chance you can ask your dad to hide the rum or lock it up somewhere? Sort of drastic, but I know for me at this stage, I simply cannot have alcohol anywhere in my house. The thought of a bottle sitting in my freezer would drive me nuts
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post
Something that helps me when I see alcohol depicted like that on tv is to look at the glass and understand it is very likely to be cranberry juice, or apple juice or root beer. I don't know why but it almost immediately seems to derail the power a scene like that has on me.

And then I think about the actor leaving the warm root beer on the set, getting into his car and going to the gym….just another day at the office for him
I do the same Jaynie , it's never alcohol they drink on set . I always liken it to drinking apple juice which i hate ! The thought alone makes me gag .

Don't give into it , it's a trick , my friend .xxxx

Also , why would they be leaving you alone , with rum in the freezer as you are on your last chance . Speak to them about it . It's a family problem , not just yours .
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:32 PM
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When I get those urges, I think about what I will feel like when I wake up in the morning if I were to drink it. I would be depressed, anxious, and full of self-loathing then have to go to work like that. Distract yourself and the urge will pass.
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:38 PM
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jaynie has the best advice (as always). If Dempsey was drinking that much real booze on the set he would lose his job.

In your situation play your own tape through to the end. Imagine you've already gotten your dad's rum and were only going to have a sip, but now you've managed to drink more real rum than Dempsey drank of fake booze.

What do you have to look forward to now? Pissed off parents, no home, and the start of another relapse that may kill you this time.

And waking up in a few hours with guilt, fear and anxiety.

The choice is yours.
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Old 06-16-2014, 08:38 PM
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48 days is so freaking amazing! Don't give it up now. You can get through it and then you will feel so proud.
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:28 PM
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Thank you so much for all of the feedback and suggestions, they're helping so far, I'm still on the couch so that's a good sign.

My dad's an alcoholic, he drinks everyday, the house is full of alcohol. Wine, rum, beer, etc... It's not fair for me to ask them to move it or hide it, it's their home, I just need to learn to deal with it. It doesn't usually bother me but tonight I wish it weren't around. The craving seems to have passed, I texted a friend who's helping me stay distracted for a bit.
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:37 PM
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It always helped me to remember TV's not real - not only so you rarely see the consequences of a characters drinking, but the actors are drinking apple juice or iced tea anyway

Try and remember all the reason you're quitting for Amester

D
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:52 PM
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I actually served Dempsey in a bar many moons ago...long before he was McDreamy. I was working in a comedy club at the time. He didn't actually have an alcoholic beverage...now his date? An entirely different matter altogether. She's famous too...married to someone even more famous. He was incredibly kind and polite. Her...not.

At any rate...I just wanted to chime in to boost the apple juice idea. He didn't drink that night...and likely wasn't drinking on television either. It's a ruse...just like that AV notion in your head : )
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:20 AM
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Alcohol can have a very nostalgic/romanticised feel to it, especially on TV and in movies!!

The difference between them and us doing it, is they will be back on set at 8am for the next scene without a hangover, but not so for us!!
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:27 AM
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I just laugh and say that was the old me I don't do that anymore. And change channels
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:40 AM
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Totally understand, Amester. And all this advice is A+. At the same time, I also get that when we're getting triggered by TV and the movies, we're not thinking about the actors (or at least I'm not), we're getting identifying with the characters (or at least I am). I had the same experience recently watching HBO's True Detective, which was split into "past" and "present" storylines. In the past the characters were pounding booze all the time. In the present some of them were still drinking, but much less, and dropping lines like, "Well, back then I was hitting the bottle pretty hard." Like they'd returned to moderation later in life. And I had moments of thinking, "Hell, maybe that's what lots of people do: go through periods of alcholism and then grow out of it."

Of course, one of those characters had gone the other way, succumbing to a hamster wheel of drinking hell that took him all the way to the present storyline in that show. That's the character arc I tried to focus on. Because I know it'd be mine.
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Old 06-17-2014, 02:53 AM
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That's a play the tape situation for me....I read your post and all I could think was hangover, hangover, hangover! Throwing up, trying to sleep it off, guilt, shame disappointment, anxiety....ugh, I could go on forever! So not worth it!
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Old 06-17-2014, 03:09 AM
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So much great advice on here that I'm definitely going to be using myself the next time I see alcohol romanticised on TV.

The last time something on TV gave me the urge to drink, I was watching the Truman Capote film starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. Truman was loafing and playing around in his hotel room with Harper Lee and drinking cocktails, and he looked like he was having so much fun, and I instantly said to my husband, 'See, why can't I do that - it's so innocent and fun, I miss feeling like that and being silly like that'.

Then I looked up Truman Capote on wikipedia and was reminded of the fact that he died in his fifities of liver cancer after years of alcoholism. And I remembered that Philip Seymour Hoffman's addictions worked out tragically for him too. The alcohol in that scene went from being a cheeky, glamorised temptation to a premonition of death. So I made myself a green tea.
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Old 06-17-2014, 03:31 AM
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I read a lot of fantasy novels and they're chock full of drinking in taverns and whatnot. Always the heroes! Of course, they usually don't get blackout drunk and end up dancing and falling off the tables or waking up in bed with the villain. Every now and then, a novel hits it right on the head though.

*Game of Thrones stuff ahead. No real spoilers. Just warning ya*

Tyrion is an excellent example of an alcoholic character. He's witty, intelligent, charming and an absolute drunk. His uses his drinking to cope with his dwarfism. Like, maybe if he drinks and whores enough, people will hate him for that instead of hating him for being a dwarf. Cersei is descending into alcoholism. She's "in her cups" while she and the ladies are in Maegor's Holdfast during Renly's assault on the Red Keep. Later, people begin to notice that she is drinking earlier and earlier and her physical appearance is beginning to suffer. King Robert Baratheon is also a drunk and his drunkenness causes him many difficulties (infidelities and whispering another woman's name while with Cersei on their wedding night).

I think it's great that George R. R. Martin showed this side of drinking in his books. So many fantasy novels just don't represent the impacts of alcohol except to add flavor to tavern scenes.

I had to stop watching Mad Men. It wasn't because it triggered me. It's just that it made me sad to see alcohol linked with success and then see alcohol begin to tear people down. It was too depressing for both me and my husband.

When i see or read about characters drinking, i just remember that this is fantasy. The alcohol is being used to either describe a scene, set a mood or define an aspect of a character. It doesn't bother me to see people drink in real life. I remember that i'm only seeing a small part of someone's entire picture and i don't compare my insides to someone's outsides.
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Old 06-17-2014, 03:51 AM
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Well I survived the night, day 49!

I appreciate you all so much, that was a very close call. It blows my mind how quickly a 30 second clip on tv made me feel willing to throw away everything for a few shots of rum. I don't even like rum!!!

I feel like an idiot saying this but it had never even occurred to me that he wasn't actually drinking alcohol! Duh! Thinking about how it was prob just flat root beer def lessened the appeal. And I liked the idea of thinking of a delicious treat to crave instead and checking in with myself to see if I'm hungry or thirsty or anything like that, kind of like HALT.

After posting here I reached out to a friend. I read your responses while waiting for him to get back to me and just clung to the couch taking deep breaths and kept making the choice every 5 or 10 seconds to stay on that couch. I thought about what my life might look like in a month if I started up again and it wasn't a pretty picture. Once I got into a conversation with my friend the thoughts and urges faded away till I realized I no longer had any desire to drink.

I'm so grateful for all of the support I have in my life, I am 100% sure I would have drank had I not posted here for help. And I'm proud of myself for having an urge that intense and not just acting on it like I've always done. I woke up today feeling happy, healthy, and grateful for another day clean and sober.
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Old 06-17-2014, 05:04 AM
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YAY!!!! great job Amester!!!! you should be very proud
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