Madison6

Just over 90 days sober and my boyfriend is breaking up with me. Looking for advice. My heart aches, my mind is fearful and hopeless, my self-esteem is shot, and my hope is diminished. Thoughts of giving up, that this won't work for me, I am too messed up, it's hopeless, suicide. Years and years and countless rejections are piled up that increases the pain. Dealt with this stuff before by drinking it away, not sure how to cope and get through / fill the deep hole in my heart. Feeling like the promises are impossible for me, I am finally trying in my life and it still doesn't matter--I am still unlovable.

Coldfusion

You should call someone if you are feeling suicidal.

Call a friend, a relative, a crisis line, or a number from AA.

Keep posting!

FreeOwl

I remember a breakup in early sobriety - around four months I guess.

It ached and left me feeling solitary and lonely and disconnected.

Partly, that was the case because I'd drawn into the relationship and disconnected from the broader network of friends and social connections.

I wound up not quite to 6 months deciding it would be "OK" to start drinking again.

Pretty sure I allowed the breakup to be the catalyst for the kind of thinking that let my guard down and enabled me to head back out.

Took about two years to get back to sobriety.

Try and get yourself connected to some sober friends, talk it out with someone who cares, get to some meetings, keep posting here, keep reminding yourself why sobriety is important.

Life happens - and other people will come and go. Along with those comings and goings we will have the dealing with the emotions... try to see this as an opportunity to feel, to process your feelings, to experience this difficult time consciously. To learn what you can from it and to learn new ways of responding to difficult life circumstances.

People will come and go - but you will always be right there. You, and how you respond to the world around you....

breakups suck royally - but it gets better as time goes by and we move on and grow from the experience.

Coldfusion

Madison, please post something or click the "thanks" button, unless you are on the phone right now.

Madison6

Coldfusion, I am not going to commit suicide at this time, just fleeting thoughts of feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. Don't be concerned.

PurpleKnight

90 Days is a fantastic achievement!! . . . the problem though is life sometimes still sucks, work, relationships, family, stress, it all doesn't seem to cut any slack, and especially in recovery when you've made a great decision to make a big change, something happens and it feels like the world is having a laugh at our expense and nothing is going right, so why even try? . . . I've felt like that at times.

I do know though, that drinking won't solve anything, sure it will numb, but it's only a quick fix, I used to drink and disappear for days in a bottle, but I only ended up with a hangover and feeling worse than when I started.

I also know that one relationship doesn't define a person, relationships begin and they end, for many many reasons, it doesn't help at the time people saying time will heal, because in the moment it's hard to comprehend, but I do know that it does heal.

SR is here for you Madison!!

cougfan

Isn't it better to actually feel something though, a real feeling? U can't drink this one away, life is often sad, but you would regret it so much. Most of us here have been running from problems instead of facing them. You'll get through this.

ScottFromWI

Self-hate/self pity is a very common and very dangerous thing, especially in recovery Madison. Kudos to seeking help during a very trying time in your life.

Relationships are also tough, and even moreso during early recovery. I would suggest to you that you have a tremendous acheivement in reaching 90 days of sobriety that you should be very proud of. The fact that your boyfriend does not is not your problem, you are most likely better off with someone who appreciates you and loves you for what you are. I know it hurts, but drinking now would be the absolute worst thing you could possibly do. You will make it through this much, much easier if you stay sober. Do you have anyone else you can reach out to locally?

Jupiters

it took guts and courage to come and post this, so you do have it in you to power through this.
You got 90 days under your belt! that is frikken incredible! Don't sell yourself short Madison.
Do you have any friends/family close by that you can call?

lovesymphony

Breakups are just awful, for everyone. I've written about mine on here, too, which was right after my first post about seven months ago. I thought I would die and I did drink and all that drinking did was prolong my grief, add to my depression over my alcoholism, and sometimes send him texts I regretted. I wasn't gonna post anymore but I feel badly for anyone going through that and just want to say that it really will get easier with time and you are lovable even if you don't feel like it. Can you join a support group in your area, for grief, depression, alcoholism etc.? Support groups can really help take a load off.

Gazza

Going through the same thing starting at 100 days. Full seperation with house sale. Ive done this before when My marriage broke down, but that time I drank. Drinking made it 10x worse I lost all sense of perspective and nearly went crazy. Im gonna stay sober this time and one day Ill have a healthy relationship based on sobriety.

Stay sober and dont be afraid to feel, gather some support and treat yourslf nicely dont give up the things you enjoy.

Sending you good thoughts and prayers.
G

Jupiters

everybody is lovable. Please don't start that negative self talk...YOU ARE LOVABLE.
remember that always.
It's sad and unfortunate that this is happening, but this doesn't mean you are unlovable.

*hugs hugs hugs*