lovesymphony

Wow, what a heap of great responses. It seems like the main common triggers are---forgetting that abstinence is not control, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic (mentally anyway), not being honest with one's self, slacking off on whatever worked.

I must say, I felt the most afraid of relapse ahead when I googled Can alcoholics learn to drink in moderation? expecting firm "NO" but instead got some mixed opinions. It was not something I should be reading right now and sort of shook my foundation I'm building my sobriety on which is that I'm an alcoholic and alcoholics should never drink. But that trigger is something that will come up at some point and like all other triggers the key is to be prepared in advance.

Well back to enjoying my coffee and looking forward to another day with no torcherous drink urges. Thankyou to all posters here

pupkin

Hey love--I still struggle with this all the time. I TRY to be honest with myself about one truth: I don't ever wan't just a couple drinks like "normal" drinkers. Not really. If I drink I want it to be satisfying, and like you, a couple beers is never satisfying for me. Like you, a couple bottles of wine is more like it. Or a pint of something brown (or clear for that matter ) Even if I COULD confine that to every once in awhile, which I've proven time and again that I can't, it's nothing like the way "normal" drinkers think about having a drink. The old saying about "one is too many, six isn't enough" rings very true. But the voice still tries to convince me otherwise. For me, too, that relapse after 3 months was incredibly demoralizing and frustrating. But it WAS educational. Sincere congrats on day 10 of your reboot. Keep it going!

rowd44

It depends if you are an alcoholic. An alcoholic has an obsession of the mind and allergy of the body. If you have an obsession to drink and don't deal with underlining issues, eventually a person even after years will drink. Once they start drinking, the allergy kicks in and in many cases, a person can't stop. Not easily anyway. I have been sober almost a year and still think about drinking even though life has never been better for me. If after a month or so you could care less about picking up a drinking, maybe you are not an alcoholic have the obsession of the mind. And if you are alcoholic and have lost the obsession, it may only be temporary. I just working on your underlining issues that was causing you to drink because likely this danger is lurking and will come and rear it's ugly head when you least expect it. All the best to you!

Nuudawn

In my time here I have sometimes recommended books that have helped me in sobriety...and there is one I never do...despite some real good information in it. At times it has come to mind to do so...but something always stopped me...because when "I" read it my addictive mind really latched on to the chapter regarding "moderation". There were cases of folks who had returned to moderate drinking. (geez..I hated even typing that).

I have tried time..and time again...to control my drinking...and I simply cannot.

What I do not have is a reliable "off" button...which is actually not just limited to drinking.

There are times in my life when what I DO have is an "eff it" button and I cannot keep my commitment to self. And it seems when I drink...the "eff it" button applies to everything in my life...no matter what the discipline I am attempting to keep.

If I can keep sobriety...complete abstinence from alcohol...I might just have a shot at dealing with the rest.

Notmyrealname

I think relapsing people make the decision, consciously or not, that drinking is going to fill a perceived need, and that the benefit outweighs the negatives. That's why working towards having "things to lose" is valuable in sobriety -- that way you have clear and obvious negative consequences from drinking. Also it helped me a lot to write down a list of all the significant negative consequences of drinking in my life. (It is a really, really depressing read.) I kept that list in my wallet for my first six months, still have it in my nighttable drawer.

Nobody falls down the stairs and accidentally drinks half a quart of Jack Daniels; it's a volitional act that begins with a decision to drink again. The decision might be based on a skewed or mistaken view of how things are, but generally a guy doesn't get drunk who doesn't want to get drunk.

DoubleBarrel

I have a friend who's wife went into the other room, and died.

He was sitting with their kids, and discovered her.

He had never faced any adversity when sober, and it was all he knew, so he started drinking again.

Not that every situation is that dramatic, but, life happens, and not everyone has the tools or ability to cope.

I am happy you feel as strong as you do at ten days, but you need to take sobriety seriously. Pitfalls are all over unless you are vigilant.

lovesymphony

I suppose it can get hard to feel like you have an alcohol problem when you haven't drank for a long time, plus you forget so much of the pain alcoholism caused. That makes sense...At least the daily obsessions end eventually. I don't think I could stay sober if I had to white knuckle it forever. Would anyone?

LBrain

Think of it like poison ivy. I won't look for a gold ball in the woods because I am horrified of getting poison ivy again. It gets very bad. Even after years of not getting it I am still afraid of it. I get it if the wind blows it toward me.

I have to put my drinking in the same category as poison ivy. As long as I avoid it I won't 'catch' it. This for me is a life long endeavor. I can't think that ten years down the road I'll be okay again.

anattaboy

Selective memory or forgetfulness. One of the best things about meetings is the occasional relapse of those who have some years under their belt. It happens and hurts. It also makes everyone take a good look at themselves if they're honest. The program will say "complacency" and that may be somewhat true. Working with newcomers can also keep the memory fresh. I've heard " Thanks for doing the research so I didn't have to" upon someone's return (and my own!). A little strong but effective in waking everyone up to how romancing the Idea of a drink will end up if one follows through. I personally prefer AVRT's approach of being very aware of that lying voice and calling it just what it is Immediately but have met many in AA who have done this same thing long before RR came into being. The human animal is truly a resourceful specimen and will always find a way--some of us take a bit longer is all.

PurpleKnight

I'm gonna throw into this excellent list nostalgia/romanticism!!

Remember when you used to sit out in the sun with a few beers, watch the football, the fun we had, it was fantastic wasn't it? remember sipping that glass of wine on a saturday afternoon, just taking life easy, living it to the full? remember when we were on holiday, sipping a few cocktails, meeting the locals, learning about different cultures, you even tried that home brewed beer that you really liked? we have soo many photos of those great times we had!!

. . . the mind fails to remember the 10 Jager or Tequila shots that were done afterwards, waking up with a blinding hangover the next morning, throwing up everywhere and blacking out into bed, that irresistible karaoke song that needed to be sang whilst smashed resulting in not even remembering half of those photos even been taken!!

GracieLou

+1

The first drink gets me drunk!

Gottalife

I don't have an alcohol problem. I went to AA, took the steps, had a spiritual experience and the problem was removed as promised. I don't suffer from alcoholism anymore, and I maintain that state by helping others.

I too am not interested in fear based sobriety.

least

I had been sober twenty years when I started drinking again in 2007. I honestly had forgotten how bad it would get if I drank again. I started having a glass of wine in the afternoon before the kids got home from high school so I'd be relaxed and not get into an argument with youngest kid. I was drinking all day every day within six months.

It's now been four and a half years since I drank and I still remember what it was like to exist that way. Not going to let myself fall into that trap again!

Croissant

*sigh*...I remember being a little alarmed if I drank 2 glasses on a weeknight.

Then within 6 months wondering how to hide that the bottle was to the halfway mark, and then worse, 3/4 mark. Topping it up with water so it still looked half full. Well, my "fridge bottle" anyway.

Racing home from work so I could get another bottle before my partner got home, but look like I'd only had a glass from the half full fridge version. That crazy game of fridge run, swap and hide.

So sad. By then the alarm had gone and my addictive voice was kicking in....I deserve these drinks after work. If he wasn't such a killjoy, I wouldn't have to hide all this. So sad how it flips so quickly, and we are right there, feeding the beast what it thrives on.

SoberHoopsFan

Any time I relapsed in the past I look at it as my AV winning. It took control, convinced me that the real me wanted to drink (pick a reason, it uses ANYTHING), and I didn't recognize that. It's taken me a long time to realize that no reason is a good enough reason for me to pick up the bottle anymore.

lovesymphony

hahaha purpleknight, so true

MemphisBlues

It's a daily reprieve.

I've met folks with 13, 20, even 25 years sober who went back out and barely made it back.

Daily reprieve doesn't mean we hang onto sobriety by our fingernails in total fear striving just to make it sober until we put our heads down on the pillow at night.

It means, for me, it takes daily work on me, on my personality, my thinking, daily work striving for a sense of spirituality to keep utmost in my mind that folks relapse after months, years, even decades, and that why we may recover from the obsession and hopeless state of mind of active addiction, we are always in recovery. I settled the recovering versus recovered debate in my head long ago.

I'm an alcoholic and addict who has abstained from drugs and alcohol for 3 1/2 years now. Right now, drinking or drugging is the last thing on my mind. It wouldn't take much for it to become the first thing on my mind. My default mode will always be to seek the easiest path, and drunk and drugged is it.

So I accept that, surrender to my powerlessness over booze and drugs, and try to do the next right hard thing to maintain my sobriety.

I have no room for complacency. It would be the death of me,