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Old 06-16-2014, 01:18 AM
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Is this it?

Hi Everybody,

I am so glad I have found this site. I have hit an all time low. I am the daughter of an alcoholic so have never been shown how to drink sensibly. I grew up in a hotel so was surrounded by the stuff from birth!!

I wouldn't class myself as a full blown alcoholic. My mother is so I know what's what. I am the classic binge drinker. I drink once a week - on a Friday or Saturday night - but drink so much I can't remember very much! And I always make an idiot of myself!

I have a wonderful husband but as soon as I drink I become this horrible person who is continually looking for attention from other men. I should point out - I don't actually do anything - I just seem to want everyone to love me. I think this stems from not being the favourite child! but that's a whole other issue.

Anyway ... I am not able to drink sensibly at all now. And I don't want to be "that girl" anymore. Please help!!! Any advice would be great!
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Old 06-16-2014, 01:25 AM
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Hi and welcome GirlInTrouble

I think a lot of us found we didn't like the people we became.

Since I've been sober, it's been great for me to rediscover the real me, hidden away under years of drinking.

Best advice I could give you right now is to read around and post as much as you like. Being part of a community like this will really help

D
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Old 06-16-2014, 01:28 AM
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You came to the right place x
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Old 06-16-2014, 02:03 AM
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Thank you.

This sounds silly but does it sound to you like I am an alcoholic? Or could become? Should I stop drinking completely?

I realise no one ever wants to be an alcoholic; no one aims to become that. So I want to prevent it rather than cure it.

I guess I just answered my own question.

I know some people will support my decision. But others won't. My MIL for example is a regular binge drinker + loves me to do that with her. She feeds me vodka from the minute I walk thru her door and doesn't take no for an answer!!! We are even going on holiday together in August - her + her husband are joining us on a 2 week all inclusive in Greece! She will expect me to drink with her every day and if I don't will get really huffy.

I wish I was just normal and could stop when I have had enough! This is torture! X
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Old 06-16-2014, 02:09 AM
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Girl, I am the same way! I have an amazing, adoring, loving husband who thinks I'm hotter than the Devil's armpit in an Alabama summer but when I drink, I want to flirt. I want to tease and taunt and I become this odd creature. I don't want to cheat on my husband but I want people to want to be with me. I think it's because I am terribly insecure. I always assume no one likes me or thinks I'm pretty so I get drunk and I MAKE them like me!

Of course, the only one who's being fooled here is me. When I drink, I flirt and if people don't swat me away like an annoying fly, I assume that they want me around. How can they not? Aren't I adorable? Aren't I just the cutest little lush you ever seen? Hey, watch me party! I'm fun! *headshake*

While I am sometimes cute and funny, I have come to find that it isn't the alcohol making me cute and funny. All alcohol does is ease my insecurities so that these natural traits show. Aaaaand then the alcohol obliterates my insecurities and my awareness of social norms and I turn into a freshman girl crashing a frat party. Get attention from all the guys! Heck, the girls too! Everyone like me! Liiiiiike meeeee! Always, I end up making an ass out of myself, taking things too far, sending wrong signals to absolutely everyone and, if my husband is there, upsetting him by dishonoring our relationship.
It was embarrassing to say the least. So, of course, when I saw these people again I would drink to ease my discomfort from the actions of the last time we hung out. Lather, rinse, repeat.

What I have come to understand is that I have to stop projecting my insecurities onto other people. I try to not make assumptions about people's feelings towards me. I act in a way that I can be happy with and consciously lower my fortress walls to let my personality shine naturally. Oh, I make plenty of social gaffs and since I'm sober, I remember them. The good thing is, I can apologize for my mistakes (or stand by them if they aren't mistakes) and I am no longer the girl people fear at parties. No more, "oh lawd, here comes the lush. Get ready for an attention *****." It's "here comes Lisa. Good to see her! She sure is more pleasant to be around." I have found that the people who don't like me don't hang around me and that's fine. There are perfectly nice people in my life who I just don't care for. I don't actively hate them. I just don't want to take them out to dinner, lol.

Remember...alcohol does not make you funny. It doesn't make you witty, smarter, prettier or more fun. Alcohol takes away inhibitions and blows other traits up into cartoonish proportions. We become caricatures of ourselves. Instead of this, find other ways to lower your inhibitions while still being someone you can be happy being. Someone you can respect in the mirror. I brought a card game to a group activity at a bar and I was very well received. These people were total strangers but the card game was a better social lubricant than any cocktail I've ever drunk!

Be the person you would want to hang out with. You'll attract the people you'll enjoy being with and, most importantly, you'll get to take home a person you'd like to hang out with. Yourself! (Oh man...that was corny but I couldn't come up with any other way to say it!)
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Old 06-16-2014, 02:22 AM
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Wow thank you. You just described me completely. I hope I can do this! I so don't want to be the person I am right now.

I have bruises about to appear on my legs from falling down drunk at the weekend. Disgusting. I hate myself. I started out looking really good on Saturday...pretty dress, make up, heels etc...but by the end of the night I was the girl who couldn't walk, flirting with everyone in sight!!

X
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Old 06-16-2014, 04:27 AM
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Originally Posted by GirlInTrouble14 View Post
Wow thank you. You just described me completely. I hope I can do this! I so don't want to be the person I am right now.

I have bruises about to appear on my legs from falling down drunk at the weekend. Disgusting. I hate myself. I started out looking really good on Saturday...pretty dress, make up, heels etc...but by the end of the night I was the girl who couldn't walk, flirting with everyone in sight!!

X
Hi. I recall a speaker years ago describe herself getting ready for a night out as getting dressed up to get messed up.

BE WELL
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Old 06-16-2014, 04:33 AM
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I've met a few Scotsmen who got sober in Scotland. From what they said, AA over there sounds pretty good. Might be worth a look.
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Old 06-16-2014, 04:39 AM
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my test is this: can I live without alcohol in my life?

it was difficult for me to do. I chose the 12 step route.

I wish you well!
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Old 06-16-2014, 04:44 AM
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There's a country son called Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off....it's funny to me now but early in recovery I kinda hated that people could find that whole situation funny.
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Old 06-16-2014, 04:45 AM
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What is the 12 step route?
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:45 AM
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Welcome to the Forum!!

I came to the same conclusion, realising not drinking sensibly meant I needed to make a change!!

You'll find loads of support here!!
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Old 06-16-2014, 10:13 AM
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So do you not drink at all now @purpleknight?
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Old 06-16-2014, 10:57 AM
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I sure hope purpleknight does not drink now. I'd hate to have to break out a can of whoopass on him.
AA - alcoholics anonymous is the 12 step route. It is an organization of men and women who come together to talk about their problems with alcohol. It involves a process - usually with a sponsor (a proven veteran) to assit and guide you through the 12 steps.
See the 12 step forum for more details.

In my opinion you sound like you are ready for this. Stopping drinking that is. There are several avenues from which to choose. AA/12 steps is one option. There are others. It depends on your outlook and ability to be honest with yourself and being able to make a commitment to stop drinking. If you don't now, it will become more difficult later. You have great potential to become one of us who discovered too late how alcohol made a difference in our lives. Not a positive one.

I would tel MIL that you have seen a doctor - see a doctor - and tell her the doctor told you you couldn't drink for health reasons. Or just say you don't want to drink for health reasons. It would not be a lie.
Good luck.
Welcome to the forum.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:05 AM
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Girl, I was you, too. I thought I was the life of the party; that I was a fun, party girl, but in reality, I now realize that my friends (and my husband for that matter) liked me despite of my partying, not because of it. I am 8.5 months sober and Friday I attended a party and I had a wonderful time. I don't think I was a total bore either because a new friend suggested a weekly lunch date and another new friend befriended me on facebook.

You sound younger than me, so I will tell you that it does progress to something even darker. Look at your mother. My mom is an alcoholic, too. She doesn't do "fun, partying" drinking. She now drinks daily, sometimes in the mornings and she is ruining her health and relationships. Watching her descent and realizing that I was depending on the drink and thinking about alcohol more than I ever had before, made me realize that I had to make some major changes in my life. Someone at SR challenged me to give sobriety "a try". I had given 27 years to drinking so at the very least I was going to give several months to sobriety. Girl, life is better sober. I am healthier, thinner, emotionally stronger, more self aware, I have more self esteem than ever. I have a better relationship with my husband and children than I ever have, because I like and respect myself more than ever. Most people who really push the drinking on you, do it because they want you to justify their bad behavior. Ignore your mother-in-law. In the beginning, until you feel stronger, you can tell that you are on an antibiotic and you that you can't drink. Once you feel more secure in your sobriety, it will be easier for you to not drink, no explanations needed.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:06 AM
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Thank you! I will say that. That is a good plan.

I am very relieved to have made this first step today. I am yet to admit to my husband but I will.

We have both agreed to stay off the booze until our holiday. When the holiday comes I will pull out the health reasons card.

I just pray I make it!

I don't want to slip down the slope that is nearly impossible to get back up.

Thank you everyone for your input so far.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons View Post
Girl, I was you, too. I thought I was the life of the party; that I was a fun, party girl, but in reality, I now realize that my friends (and my husband for that matter) liked me despite of my partying, not because of it. I am 8.5 months sober and Friday I attended a party and I had a wonderful time. I don't think I was a total bore either because a new friend suggested a weekly lunch date and another new friend befriended me on facebook.

You sound younger than me, so I will tell you that it does progress to something even darker. Look at your mother. My mom is an alcoholic, too. She doesn't do "fun, partying" drinking. She now drinks daily, sometimes in the mornings and she is ruining her health and relationships. Watching her descent and realizing that I was depending on the drink and thinking about alcohol more than I ever had before, made me realize that I had to make some major changes in my life. Someone at SR challenged me to give sobriety "a try". I had given 27 years to drinking so at the very least I was going to give several months to sobriety. Girl, life is better sober. I am healthier, thinner, emotionally stronger, more self aware, I have more self esteem than ever. I have a better relationship with my husband and children than I ever have, because I like and respect myself more than ever. Most people who really push the drinking on you, do it because they want you to justify their bad behavior. Ignore your mother-in-law. In the beginning, until you feel stronger, you can tell that you are on an antibiotic and you that you can't drink. Once you feel more secure in your sobriety, it will be easier for you to not drink, no explanations needed.
U r so right. She does just want me to justify her behaviour! I have been with my husband since I was 15 so have learnt her style of drinking too. She is a weekly binge drinker!

My mum is like yours...drinks all day every day. Well most days. I hate the life she gave me, what she put me thru, and I refuse to do that to my children. But if I don't stop now, maybe it will become harder to choose.

I'm so full of hope now after hearing that. Thank you. Inwas in the depths of despair earlier. it's the mental torture I put myself through every time. Drinking is no longer fun for me. I guess that means it really is time for change!
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:18 AM
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The part that stuck out to me is that your Aunt is going to be huffy if you do not drink. I too was a binger. Once sober you learn that you have to do this for yourself. If your Aunt gets huffy then so be it. My true findings are that most people truly don't care if you are not drinking as long as you don't get in the way of their drinking.

I am not a believer in people not drinking around me because I chose to quit. That turns you into the reason everyone else can't drink... You don't need that pressure.
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:26 AM
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I just don't understand people pushing drinks at someone else. Even back in my early drinking days I felt bad when someone told me she drank more after she started hanging out with me (cuz I was always starting it).
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Old 06-16-2014, 11:54 AM
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Welcome to SR. I didn't drink every night to start with but ended up that way.It is progressive. Even if it is only once a week that's all it needs to be to cause a lot of damage. It doesn't matter what others do or how often you drink.If it is causing problems for you when you do drink then it's a problem. This is a great site and has been fundamental in getting and staying sober. Hope you stick around
p.s I'm in Scotland too
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