Starlyte

Hi! I am an alcoholic that really wants to quit drinking but I give in to temptation, daily. Lately, I've felt hopeless and worthless. I don't even do things that I used to enjoy. I look back at the person I was and I feel like a different person. I just want to be normal and get rid of this addiction. I pray every day, asking God to help me but I think I'm looking for an easy way out. Now, I pray that I can use the strength that God has given me...I know it's there, I just don't use it. Negative thoughts overwhelm me and I try to stop them with alcohol...knowing alcohol is the root cause, I still give in. Does anyone else relate?

KAD

To say I relate would be an understatement. I didn't/don't do much praying (except in the throes of withdrawal) but I can definitely understand feeling hopeless and worthless. I can tell you continuing to drink only amplifies those feelings. You have to cross that hurdle back over into sobriety. At the time we're drinking, inexplicably, we seem to resist it, even though we know we're much happier there. One reason we resist is because it isn't easy to cross back over, particularly if we are physically addicted. There is help out there. I just went to my doctor last week for help and could kick myself for putting it off for so long. Is it physical withdrawal you fear, or just a reluctance to give up drinking for good?

jason2

And hi to you.

Starlyte

I don't what it is really. I have a strong desire to quit, but mentally, I feel like I can't. I can go without and I don't have physical withdrawals. I think it gets worse as my desire to quit gets stronger. I feel like I'm chasing my tail. I'm a very habitual type of person so that doesn't help.

ultradad

Welcome!
I use to have the same fears and thoughts...it does get better!
My higher power (God), AA and this site has given me strength that I can't begin to explain. I realize now that God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.

You can get through this, if you really want to quit, you can : ) I believe in you!

Starlyte

I have a red dot under my name but I see that most people have a green dot, what does that mean?

Starlyte

Thank you so much!!!!

KAD

So, it does sound like you are just reluctant to cut the cord and stop for good? I'm not sure about your age, but I was the same way when I was younger. I knew I was headed down the wrong road by drinking so much, but at the time, it was still what I thought was fun. Everyone was doing it. It's easy to forget that even back then, I was calling up the AA hotline late at night trying to get help. I wasn't physically addicted yet either. That came many years later.

If you have what appears to be a strong attraction to alcohol and an apparent inability to moderate your habits, you are in danger of eventually ending up like I did: an alcoholic who is physically addicted. It's progressive. It will catch up to you if you don't get a handle on it now. Whether its through AA, RR, or whatever method you choose, I strongly urge you to stop while you can. I assure you, you don't want to end up like me.

Dee74

It means you're in invisible mode - your posts are visible of course, but your presence is invisible to most members (but not to staff)

Green means no invisible mode

D

Hevyn

Welcome Starlyte.

Yes, I was the same - every time I'd think about quitting the anxiety would cause me to drink even more. Getting numb was my goal. I lived that way for so many years & couldn't imagine finding a way out. When I came to SR I found the courage to let go of it. You've come to a great place for encouragement as you begin your sober journey. You can do this!

Starlyte

I've been an alcoholic since I was 17...I will be 40 this year. I'm retired AF and still working. I will never forget when I was 19 years old, drinking alcoholic beverages with a 29 yr old woman and I thought, this will be my demise. I swear, I knew it then and I knew better but I didn't listen. I will never forget that night. We were in Italy, drinking and I sat there drinking my drinks and I knew, if I took that drink, it would be over. Here I am now.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Yeap, I'm trying to get back to the person I was before I started to drink, getting Sober was the first step and gradually with time I can see glimpses of my old self.

You can do it too!!

Starlyte

I'm diggin the kind words and support! Thank you!