Aiko

I said to myself that from tomorrow I will not take more pills.
The doctor told me to throw the pills on wed.
I can not control the medication
I can not have anything on me!
and I have not stooped.... I am taking even more...

My friends asked me to chuck them away and I said NO!
I knew I had a weekend alone so I could get stoned in peace...
This pills as weaker than Benzo so I have to take tones to get numb.

I do not know how many I have taken.... lost count
I am thinking to stop tomorrow...
Got to go back to the drug centre on Wed...
If I Have not stopped they will be pissed with me!!!

I do not know if I will cope tomorrow...
If I am not capable to stop at the end I will have to go to rehab
but I want to do it by myself.
I stopped alcohol and pot and benzo... Alone!
And I switch again with sedatives!

When I feel alone is when AV wins!

From tomorrow I will have to live awake...
I do not want to go to Rehab I can do it... some how"

Please give me support!!!!!!!

PurpleKnight

You can do this Aiko!!

I only can speak from alcohol addiction, but from experience that was a tough cookie to crack, so if you can do that, you've got the courage and strength within you to go at this!!

Also SR is in your corner 24/7!!

ultradad

You absolutely need to get rid of them! Just flush them and be done with it! Take it from someone who had to go to rehab, I didn't listen to anyone's suggestions and thought I could do it all on my own, wrong! I now am very grateful for my time in rehab, but I could have taken another path if I would have only taken some suggestions from those who actually cared for me.

You know the right thing to do, just do it! We're all pulling for you!

ScottFromWI

Great news Aiko, great decision as well. We will be here when you need us

Aiko

Thank you for your messages...
I am scared to live without anything!

The addiction takes over and you start and Is so hard to stop!
I am worried I will not be able to...
It is never enough... you want more and more...

When I want something I strive for it and I achieve it!
The problem is my head is not determined to stop!
but I know I have to stop!

This is going to end really bad if I do not stop!!!
I can smash the car... or even worse hurt someone...
I could loose my job...

I OD at 19 but my grandma found me and took me to hospital...
If I OD now I live on my own...
Really I do not want to live,
I am alive for my family!
They lost my brother already...
I can not die they would not get over another hit!!!

Knowing all this my head still wants more... Is crazy!!!
And I really do not want to go to Rehab...
God I sound like Amy whinehouse..........

SoberLeigh

You can do this, Aiko.

Lean us; talk to us as often as you need or want.

We are rooting for you, Aiko.

Dee74

Most of us were terrified to live without booze or drugs - but I found reality was not as scary as I thought

I'm sure you'll find that too Aiko - give yourself a chance.

D

Steve027

You can do this! Great post and good luck!

Aiko

Just woke up....
Still druged and feels good!
I feel the body so relaxed!
Everything moves if I stand up!
I got to have a shower and coffee.
I start.work at 8:30 amd I am still gone. Lol

God i got to get.up and flash them away
I was gonna give.them to charity of the quemist,
But i.do not trust myself...
It feels so good... But i sant and is like i am in a film in slow motion... I have to do it but i want more...F#####

DONE IT!!!!
Flush them and now keep.away.... God

Thank u all for all your support...
I really apreciate it!!!!
Lots of Love from sunny Spain
Big hug
Aiko

Aiko

God I found more in hand bag
And they. Keep floating
Got to go to work...
Big. Hug XXX

Aiko

God i can drive... And am lateeeer again...
Walk side to side.

Aiko

I manage to get to work but I am,absolutely stoned lol
Drove in a cloud....
It will last a few hours

Thank u for putting up with me

DisplacedGRITS

Aiko, many (most) of us wanted to get sober on our own terms. We wanted all the control. We wanted to call the shots. We wanted to shape the world around us to our will. If we control everything, how can we fail? Right?

Right...the problem is, control is an illusion. We have some control over ourselves but if our attention is constantly diverted by our vain attempts to control things we CANNOT control, we can't even maintain control over ourselves. That's where our addiction steps in. Something has to be in control over us and if it's not us, it's tour addiction.

I had to ask for and, most importantly, accept help. I mean, how many times did people tell me to go to meetings, call before I drank and read my book before it finally sank in? I dunno...hundreds of times, at least.

If there are people in your life who have solid, positive experiences with sobriety, consider accepting their help. A lot of my early sobriety (heck, even now) is asking advice from people I admire, listening to what the **** they say and doing it. Sometimes, I hate it. Sometimes, I'd rather not go to a friggin meeting and I'd rather not spend a Friday night at the intergroup answering phones. Still, I do what is asked of me, I am of service to others and through that, I touch serenity again.

Keep your eyes on sobriety and know that it can be yours. I've had to give up a lot to gain a little. What I've given up was toxic to my soul. What I've gained...is beyond imagination. I've gained a measure of serenity in my life and I'll do anything to keep it.

LSC1

((((((Aiko)))))) hang in there ...waiting to catch up with you in chat

ReadyAtLast

please don't keep driving when you're stoned. you could kill a child.

even losing your licence is no fun-I speak from experience

Aiko

I am still stoned.and is 2;30... + la 3 coffees
Yedterday.I think I took over 20 pills...
Working today lol
I said was hangover at work bcos they.have noticed'!!!

Horryble. Driving
I am aware.I can not drive!!!
But I came to work no choice!!!

Displecegrits... I can not read Right now well... I'll read it tonight!!! I apreciate all ur messages.and support!

Big Hug xxx Aiko

jdooner

I am disappointed Aiko. I hope the police get you before you injure someone else.

Mags1

Aiko. Please be careful, don't drive if stoned. You could end up in prison for life if their is a fatality or even worse.

ReadyAtLast

If you are aware you can't drive then don't do it. Having to get to work is no excuse or reason to drive. You don't even seem concerned about it or attempting to stop doing it,just telling us you're doing it as though you have no choice.

You might not care about your own life but you can easily kill or paralyse someone else when you're driving stoned and things really will get bad then. I know many of us have driven drunk, me included, and paid the price.

Anna

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